Fertility follies (part two)

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New here? Welcome! I documented part one of my fun-filled fertility journey here in case you’d like to dip into the archives to see what led us to this place today, here and now.

Of all the life advice I’ve heard over the years, I think the phrase “it’ll happen when you least expect it” might be my least favorite. I hear this often when people ask about my journey through infertility (because that’s really what it is—you careen through it with the grace of a bull in a china shop and either end up on the side of Pregnant OR you float in the ether of Never-Having-a-Baby Land).

Stop thinking about it, Charlotte, and it will come.

Right. Like having a baby is something I can easily suppress and shove into the back corners of my mind to focus on other more important, more pressing things in life.


Tell someone to stop thinking about something, and they’ll obsess about it instead, and yes, of course I’m speaking from personal experience here. Hi, I’m neurotic and a giant ball of wire with big hair. Have we met?

But let’s back the truck up for a moment.

That phrase about it happening when you least expect it—miraculously, it does! I’ve seen it so, so many times with my own jaded blue eyes. I hate to say this, but I believe that’s what makes this process even more disheartening, because inevitably I start playing the comparison game.

I have a friend who tried for six years to conceive, started going through the adoption process, and was in the “almost bringing home baby” stages when BOOM! She’s pregnant. And another who said she never wanted a baby until we sat down in a diner and she showed me an ultrasound pic. We had just been talking about her dog eating socks, so I thought “oh, this must be an x-ray of his tummy” (that still makes me laugh, also, SORRY FRIEND!).

The stories continue.

Like part one of my fertility follies, I’m not sure this post has a point or that it solves a great purpose. But I find it’s cathartic to write when the waves start crashing in again.

And so, that’s what I’ll continue to do <3

18 Comments… add one
ShootingStarsMag February 20, 2018, 10:27 AM

I think sharing thoughts about these tough topics can be healing in a way, even if they don’t really lead to much. Sometimes it’s good to just purge the thoughts in a public space.

I am sorry you have to deal with all of this though, especially seeing other people suddenly become pregnant. Whenever I hear about people just randomly getting pregnant, I’m happy for them but I also feel bad for people like you who are trying so hard and it just hasn’t happened yet.

I do think it will though. Granted, that whole “it will happen when you least expect it” isn’t the best advice. I mean, I guess it does sometimes…but it doesn’t really HELP. hah


Beth February 20, 2018, 10:46 AM

I love you. I know it is hard. I have a close friend who is right there with you and also still doesn’t have a baby. It doesn’t make sense. And I wish it would make sense. I just send you all the love and good vibes I can. You can only take it one day at a time. XOXO

Liz February 20, 2018, 11:38 AM

Love you, Charlotte <3 Sending hugs your way.

Sheryl February 20, 2018, 12:33 PM

Oh how I have been there! Sometimes you just have to rant! Sending you hugs and love my friend!!

Tamara February 20, 2018, 12:58 PM

I was happy that Scarlet was a surprise, because I don’t think I could have ever handled the waiting and the obsessing.
With Des, it was easy but planned, and the one month it took nearly tortured me. I am a ball of anxiety. My two sisters both had a lot of trouble that took years, and I kept thinking I wasn’t made of the stuff to handle that!
You can’t not think about it. It’s consuming. Man, we have a lot in common!

Lindsay February 20, 2018, 1:32 PM

I never have the right words and I’m sorry for that. I love you. xoxoxo

Divya February 20, 2018, 2:06 PM

Sending you loads of love. In moments of difficulty, you are always great at finding the good. I know there are days where the struggle must be harder than others. But know you’ve got us all in your corner, sending you love from our little corners of the world!

San February 20, 2018, 2:55 PM

Ah, don’t you wish you were already on the other side of “it will happen when you least expect it”?

Man, the journey is hard, but I do hope and wish that your will be rewarded. <3

Natalie A. February 20, 2018, 5:22 PM

Thank you for sharing your personal story and so I don’t feel so alone on this subject, too. I have yet to venture out on this subject, and I keep it to myself most of the time. Keep sharing about this, and I’ll be continuing to read & be by your side . . . from a far! Giant hugs to you! So sorry you are going through this now! This is the subject you were writing about and how I found your blog at the beginning! Xoxo

Akaleistar February 20, 2018, 9:15 PM

Keep writing and sharing. I’m sorry you are going through this. Wishing you good things!

Cara February 20, 2018, 10:07 PM

It’s a terribly insensitive phrase when it comes down to it, but like most of the insensitive phrases, it often comes from a place of love mixed with a huge handful of not having the right words to say. I find every time I stick my foot in my mouth with a phrase like this, it’s because I’m trying to be a positive light in a grey situation when sometimes it’s just best to stick with what is true: “it sucks. But I’m here for you”

It sucks. But I’m here for you.

Karen February 21, 2018, 11:29 AM

I think it’s good to share even if you don’t think “there’s a point” to it. It’s good for you and it helps others.

So much focus is on one aspect of an issue so it makes us feel like our experience is unusual or we’re alone but that’s rarely the case.

Hugs Charlotte.

Karen @ For What It’s Worth

StephTheBookworm February 21, 2018, 2:07 PM

I think it’s so important that you talk about this. Get it out, share, vent, rant, scream! So many women suffer in silence with fertility struggles. Sending you hugs and strength.

Lecy | A Simpler Grace February 21, 2018, 6:07 PM

You are so good at finding the silver linings, Charlotte. My heart hurts so badly for all my friends who are dealing with fertility struggles. I am glad you are finding that writing about your journey is helping you process all the emotions. Sending you lots of love!

lisa thomson February 22, 2018, 12:20 AM

It’s always good t talk about what you’re going through. It feels good and sometimes writing can give you answers to things. I once wrote about my broken relationship with my father, a really honest post (on Blogher) and in the end, I decided to attend therapy with him because of it. Someone had left a comment that gave me a change of heart and convinced me to not give up. Not to go off topic here, but my point being that writing about our deepest disappointments will sometimes tell us how we’re really feeling. Ya know that quote? “I write so I know what I’m thinking.”

Sending you hugs, Charlotte. I can’t even imagine how frustrating and disheartening this is for you. Definitely keep opening up about it.

Karen February 22, 2018, 6:51 AM

I have no words of wisdom or advice other than I am sorry you are going through this. ((hugs))

Mrs. Match February 25, 2018, 2:01 PM

Writing about this stuff is so good for your soul. I’m so sorry you’re going through this friend. That ache to have a child is so painful, and you’re right, there’s no way you can just forget about it. I love you and I hope that you and Bryan finally get to become the parents you’re meant to be. XO.

Crystal // Dreams, etc. February 26, 2018, 1:52 PM

Sending you so much love, my friend. I hate those cliche phrases that people have and use… and this phrase is one. (My sister heard that, too.) They’re never helpful and never comforting. I think they come from a place of people wanting to give comfort or show their support, without knowing just how to do that. If you ever need someone to vent to, you know where to find me. 🙂

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