There was a time not long ago when I turned to my blog for everything. Help. Direction. Life lessons. Friends and friendships. Like Frederick the Mouse who would sun on a rock and store the warmth for the cold winter days, I would squirrel away all of the comments, love, and advice given to me by family, friends, and bloggers near and far. I felt I had a story to tell and I was immensely grateful for an audience. Years of burrowing thoughts in areas where the pain couldn’t reach me made me burst at the seams when this blog was born. I couldn’t write fast enough, spill enough.
Years later, I feel I have been walking on a precarious tightrope. What to say without admitting too much has been the most difficult hurdle in my writing career as a blogger. I’m not ready to say goodbye, and yet, I almost wonder if it’s better to burn out than it is to fade away. I don’t know the answer to this.
But I do know that sometimes life smacks us with meaningful lessons and we would be foolish not to take note. At a recent Phish concert I had the chance to reconnect with an old friend who pulled me aside to deliver me a message. She has stopped by my blog from time to time and knew about my foster dog experience, my relationship, and where I’ve been floating around these past few months. I felt connected to her. While friends come in and out of our lives, her friendship is one I have missed sorely. Though I’m not sure I’m at a place yet to put aside some of our differences, her reappearance was a sign. Earlier that day, I had even turned to Bryan and told him how nice it would be to see her again.
(It’s not uncommon to bump into Phish pals on the road; it happens quite often, actually. What is noteworthy, however, is that we were able to pick up where we left off with fondness and forgiving).
It seems that there have been many meaningful messages in the cosmos lately. Stories friends have shared with me recently point to the fact that they, too, have been receiving signs from beyond.
I don’t know what it all means, but I am immensely grateful that my little blog has helped me stay connected. That’s what this has always been about anyway. Though we’ve had our share of ups and downs over the years, it has been a constant in my life and I’m not ready to quit just yet.