I listened to the pitter patter of raindrops, a welcome relief from the thick wet patches of white flakes that had fallen earlier from the unforgiving wrath of Mother Nature’s unpredictable Autumn course. Halloween weekend in Asbury Park forced us to slightly alter our travel plans, but growing up in the northeast one learns always to expect the unexpected.
Here I was on a Saturday night, dressed up in a tight-fitting black skirt and glitter top, trying not to topple over in my black heels, and smoking a cigarette by the light of the moon. My friend and I had just returned to the hotel after an evening celebrating the engagement of a beautiful ex-coworker of ours. The stillness of the evening encouraged me to be alone with my thoughts (and after a rather harrowing day of commuting to south Jersey it was nice to breathe in the ocean breeze and allow it to tug gently at my locks). I reflected on some events that have occured in my life in the past few weeks. Some highs, a few lows… and I became determined again.
I am always reluctant to blog about the negative thoughts that sometimes swirl around in my head. I feel stuck in my job. I have been battling anxiety since July and haven’t really felt like myself since. I am more than a little frustrated by some of the men I have encountered in recent months. A recent exchange with an ex stirred up angry emotions I didn’t expect to grapple with all over again. And the worst blow of them all: I lost Linus, and I just really miss my companion so very much.
But then things started to come around, piece by piece. A tribute I wrote to Linus for BlogHer was featured on their site and, after submitting another post about what not to say to your single friends, I will be syndicated there tomorrow. Syndication has been a dream of mine since I started writing many moons ago, and in a way, I feel the little beagle that made his way into my heart played a huge role in this opportunity. This morning I was contacted about another exciting venture (details to come soon). A few days ago, I somehow managed to score floor tickets to one of the upcoming Phish shows at MSG (without having to sleep with anyone!). And maybe there’s a certain someone who’s been taking my breath away lately (but I’m not quite ready to share those details just yet).
Oh, and my sexy? It’s slowly returning. I think it fell out of my pocket in August sometime but I’d like to reward myself with a trip to Victoria’s Secret in the near future.
“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”~Gandhi
And so I will allow to come what may, with a silent determination to turn the events in my life around and to find my inner peace once again.