Insomnia Club: Banana Pancakes and Pretend Like it’s the Weekend

– Posted in: dating

I try not to think about how long it’s been since I’ve been in a steady relationship and the many things I miss about having one. But the one thing I do miss above all else–which also just so happens to be the prompt for this month’s Insomnia Club–is having a built-in snuggle partner. A boyfriend would indulge me in an extra hour of cuddle time, something that doesn’t necessarily appeal to my random hookups unless some hot and heavy sexual activity is on the horizon. It’s maddening but also understandable. I don’t want to snuggle with them either. I want out as soon as the deed is done and don’t find anything consoling about having a guy trace the shape of my hips or wrapping a finger in my ringlets after we’ve established that we aren’t looking to make our mark on this world together.

But with a boyfriend, it’s different.

You can play hooky and get to know each other a bit better in an entirely different way. Rainy day suitors don’t need to stick around for banana pancakes and coffee; but a boyfriend greets the day with you and looks forward to quality time doing the sort of mundane activities that bring you closer together.

Recently I started to crush on a guy I met in town and invited him over once I began to feel more comfortable in his presence. I convinced myself he liked me after a few flirtatious texts and subtle innuendos. You could cut the sexual tension with a butter knife that evening and still I convinced myself that he was nervous because I was nervous. You know, because he didn’t only want to get into my pants. That was before he interrupted our makeout session with the following words: “You know, I don’t think it would be so weird if we slept together.”

We did not sleep together.

And then there’s Scott, a guy I’ve known forever, who insisted we meet up at the new beer garden in Hoboken and proceeded to kiss me the entire walk back to my apartment. I know nothing will ever come from this relationship either, but I crave the familiarity I feel when I’m around him. Sure enough, once we made it inside my apartment, clothes came off and before I knew it, I stared vacantly at the ceiling and wished it weren’t so fucking hard to find something more gratifying than just this.

It goes on like this. And I find myself increasingly discouraged because I want more but with someone who wants more, too.

In my waking daydreams, I’ve fantasized about all sorts of scenarios. Elevator trysts. Steamy encounters in back alleys and sneaking up on someone in the shower. But I’m tired of wanting to feel sexy all the time. Sometimes I just want a guy who doesn’t shudder at the sight of my pajama pants and oversized tshirt. I want to have a horizontal staring contest with someone and catch up on the events of the world. I want to nestle comfortably in the crook of an arm and feel small next to a man’s powerful frame.

And I want to make that man banana pancakes and invite him into my life, slowly… piece by piece, one bite at a time.

Please show your love to some other wonderful Insomnia Club members! (Notice how their writing topics do not coincide with mine. I kind of messed up the prompt this week. WHOOOPS!):

Women Are From Mars

Met Another Frog

Ms. Man-Shopper-in-Boozetown

23 Comments… add one
Nicole October 17, 2011, 11:08 AM

I love this piece. Hate that you feel this/are going through this. But, at least you know one thing:

You are ready, willing, and able to let someone into your life. And that is so important.

He’ll show up, Darlin. Don’t you worry. πŸ˜‰

Heather October 17, 2011, 12:51 PM

Hi Sweet One…….
Yes, just like Nicole wrote… at least you know you are ready and you miss certain things in a relationship. Once your heart is open so many things are possible!!! It is worth the wait to meet the right one… and I am sure when you do it will be AMAZING!

I will send you some Disney magic….

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those to love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

Hutch October 17, 2011, 1:19 PM

Oh the cuddling! Yes, I DO miss that. It’s been so long that even a hug from a guy feels weird (a non-friend guy).

(FL) Girl with a New Life October 17, 2011, 2:02 PM

I agree with Nicole, now that you know what you want, and are willing to let go of the rest, it will find you. As long as you meet it halfway.

Here is wishing you a lifetime of banana pancakes.

Rachel Cotterill October 17, 2011, 3:07 PM

Somewhere out there, some guy has the exact same dream. Only I hope he doesn’t also want to make the pancakes, or you could be fighting over the frying pan! πŸ™‚

trininista October 17, 2011, 5:54 PM

I know the feeling and I feel I may have left that behind. I hope you get your banana pancake man! πŸ™‚

kimbirdy October 17, 2011, 7:16 PM

it sounds like you’re wanting your best friend, who can also be your lover. maybe in order to find that it has to go in just that order? instead of finding a lover who could be a best friend, maybe you have to establish a great friendship before ever getting to the lover part. to me it’s a subtle shift in thinking, but if you have a ton of guy friends, it seems more likely you’ll find one whom you can have that spark with instead of trying to weed out all the guys who are just wanting sex to find one who cares. i’m not one of those girls who insists sex should be saved for mr. right, but i do think putting sex on hold for a while will eliminate a lot of the dudes who aren’t open to exploring more with you.

Blond Duck October 18, 2011, 6:58 AM

The only good thing is this is letting you have time to discover a man truly worthy of your cooking! πŸ™‚ My sister always makes the mistake of getting too domestic with men too fast and they take advantage!

Jill October 18, 2011, 9:37 AM

I feel you. I want that too! That type of relationship is so fleeting but so addictive!

keishua October 18, 2011, 9:45 AM

Charolotte, my love. I hear your frustration clearly. Tryst are instant gratification. However, it seems like you want something to savor. It seems like you have your clear seeing eyes on.

Mark October 18, 2011, 11:01 AM

“I don’t want to snuggle with them either. I want out as soon as the deed is done …”
Are you sure you’re not a gay man?
Your Friend m.

One Bad Pixie October 18, 2011, 3:24 PM

Difficult to find in these times, but I know what you mean. Still, even when you are with somone, the other person doesn’t always ‘get it’ either.

Stacey October 18, 2011, 5:58 PM

Beautifully written. As I was reading though, I thought how I miss those days of steaminess. After nearly 15 years of marriage and 7 kids, there’s way too many pajama days and not enough steaminess in my life. And you made me want to do something special for my honey. I suppose no matter what phase of life you are in, there are always times when something else sounds better. Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day. I love meeting bloggers!

Karen Peterson October 18, 2011, 6:05 PM

I can honestly say, I know how you feel.

Here’s to hoping there are great relationships on the horizon for both of us!

Krysten October 18, 2011, 6:59 PM

Being that I’m right in the midst of divorce the thing that worries me most is finding someone new. I haven’t dated in 7 years. And I’ve never been very good at dating in the first place. Ah life… and I totally feel your pain lady!

Blond Duck October 19, 2011, 6:41 AM

Have a magical Wednesday. πŸ™‚

Pretzel Thief October 19, 2011, 8:19 PM

Wonderfully written. πŸ™‚ To everything there is a season…! These spontaneous trysts are awesome in their own right!

carma October 19, 2011, 10:21 PM

I hope you find what you are looking for – and it is def not that guy with the horrible “not so weird” line. not sure that I could handle the dating scene these days. Going on 19 years married and maybe I get too comfy at times with my attire πŸ˜€

Leaza in Denver October 20, 2011, 1:45 AM

Hi there!

I’m back in the blogging world. πŸ™‚

Yes, I love a man who snuggles. Although I have discovered that when a man is not around, a cat a dog seem to do the trick!

Signed…the woman wearing oversized winter pajamas (it’s cold in Denver tonight)

josie November 13, 2011, 1:10 AM

This is literally my life. Cheers to Banana Pancakes, Coffee, Comfort, & love.

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