It’s hard to believe that just six months ago, my life was scattered across the floor of the one-bedroom-plus-den apartment I shared with my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend in clearly labeled boxes. The movers had arrived just in time to help in my hour of need. I was a wreck. Though I tried to put on a good face, there were moments throughout that chaotic day when I brushed shoulders with Jackson or we tried to divide up items we hadn’t quite claimed yet and I completely lost my cool.
Three movers, two sore arms, and four hours later, I found myself in my new apartment. I had lost 500 square feet of footage but had gained a skylight. I sacrificed all the good appliances (which in all fairness Jackson had mostly purchased) but walked away with the Magic Bullet and the good pots and pans. I cried for about three hours straight, staring into the unfamiliar voids of my new digs and wishing I could fast-forward to happier times. I mourned the loss of my six-year relationship and experienced a pain I never imagined was humanly possible for so long I was convinced that I would continue living my days as a shell of my former self.
What a difference six months can make.
Though I still think of Jackson frequently, I wonder how we stayed together for so long when we clearly wanted separate things. How did I overlook all the warning signs that we were headed in vastly different directions? Why did I convince myself I didn’t need the wedding, the house, the children? I had always pictured them in my future but a life with Jackson meant I would have to make some major lifestyle changes.
I’ve learned a valuable lesson over the last six months: I’d rather live out the remainder of my days as a single woman than abandon the moments that allow me to experience life with such passion and vigor. In October, I feared the uncertainty of a life without Jackson. In April, I embrace it. I welcome change and a new season of possibilities. So happy anniversary to me.
For the first time in a long while, I am excited about what the next six months will bring.