Don’t ever let your parents try to pimp you out, especially at a Passover seder. My parents have actually never tried to set me up on a blind date before so last night they decided to make up for 30 years of lost time. Our seder was at my aunt’s NYC apartment and my cousin and I arrived just before sundown after hitting up a happy hour. We had some new guests joining us this year: my aunt’s best friend and her son (we’ll call him “Luke”).
After a brief introduction, I discovered that Luke is taking philosophy classes in New York and is originally from California. Very cute. My mom appeared to be deeply engaged in conversation with the young man so I made my rounds, greeting the rest of the family and filling up my wine glass.
After some time, I headed back into the living room only to hear the following words come out of my father’s mouth: “She’s part of the fish people.” At first I thought he was explaining to the attractive young guest that I was a member of an exclusive pescatarian fundamentalist group when it dawned on me that he was actually referring to the band Phish. No! What was he doing?? I overheard my mother chime in about String Cheese Incident and Luke smiled, appearing to be very amused by the impromptu game of “let’s see how much we can embarrass our daughter.” As if that wasn’t bad enough, my mom orchestrated an extremely uncomfortable game of musical chairs so that we could be seated together. Not at all obvious or anything. As the evening went on, I learned some more details about Luke. Apparently he is 10 years my junior and he may in fact already have a girlfriend. Good looking out, guys!
And this is why I will never have another boyfriend. Good luck to all potential suitors.