Jackson and I had dinner last night at one of our old favorite sushi restaurants in Hoboken. Note to self: do not get drunk and end up in a bed with ex-boyfriend. No good can ever come from this situation. He’ll absolutely kill me for writing this but this is my forum to blog it all out. Amazingly, we did not sleep together though I’m still not sure why I chose to dangle that carrot in front of my face.
The evening started out innocently enough. We hadn’t seen each other in about a month and he offered to help with a computer issue I was having. I hadn’t been to this sushi place in ages and the rain mixed with a crappy day at work made me look forward to our reunion. I guess we both had expectations for how the evening would end though I can honestly say that sex was low on my list.
It’s been six months since I’ve had any. SIX MONTHS. I think that makes me a virgin again in some states. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not sure when it’ll happen again and I was content that sex with Jackson would no longer be. I just can’t. I have to give myself credit for one thing though: last night I was able to walk away from what could have potentially been a vicious cycle. Was there some indecency? Yes. But I did draw a line in the sheets, and, bless his heart, Jackson respected my boundaries.
Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I am the poster child for female empowerment when I’m surrounded by my girlfriends and I babble about how great it is to be single and do things like assemble furniture and nail floorboards in by my lonesome. And then I see him and all reasoning flies out the window. I do, however, know that the events of last night won’t ever happen again. Ever.