February 15, 2012

A Valentine’s Day grinch goes soft

I suppose one could say I have been walking around like the Valentine’s Day grinch these past few weeks. Truth be told, I have developed a rather unhealthy aversion to the 14th of February over the years and I convinced myself that I hated everything about this so-called Hallmark holiday. But I have always been romantic. I just never had a boyfriend who was, too.

I never would have expected anything from Bryan because I know how detrimental that is to any relationship. And I want to hang on to this one for a while. So whenever the topic of the dreaded holiday came up, I laughed it off and told him repeatedly how little I cared for it and how silly it was that men everywhere were forced to do something nice for their loved ones. And then I thought that if he had taken me seriously and didn’t do anything at all, I would likely be at least a little upset. It was, after all, a date on the calendar that also marked our anniversary.

And I did nearly burn down my kitchen Sunday night in an attempt to make vegan Valentine’s Day cookies.

kinda' like these, but nowhere near as appealing. and also without the cream, the zest, and lemon juice. so basically, NOTHING like these.

We agreed to meet at my place after work, but he wouldn’t tell me what to expect. Poor Bryan greeted a rather disheveled Charlotte at the door (I blame the 20 minute walk and the fact that I was hyperventilating/schvitzing for most of it while watching my hair expand). Somehow he was not deterred from giving me a kiss. I noticed immediately that my dining room table had been decorated with a red table cloth, some candles, and three yellow and red roses. Then I smelled what was cooking on the stove and went over to take a look. Butternut squash soup and a delicious homemade veggie risotto. Glasses of white wine had already been poured and he asked me kindly to sit while he brought everything over.

It was simple, romantic, delicious, and sweet and reminded me why I had fallen for him in the first place. It was also the first time anyone had ever cooked for me. Like, really cooked and not just opened containers from a local Chinese takeout place.

I guess I am turning over a new leaf. Perhaps I’m getting sentimental in my old age after all. This was truly my favorite Valentine’s Day ever. The beautiful silver ring he presented me with after dinner was just the icing on the cake.

Almost made me feel bad that I gave him a card about his snoring.

Posted at: 9:52 am by |Filed Under: Valentine's Day | 17 Comments
February 9, 2012

tides of my life and the rest of it all

As it is in life from time to time, this past week was one of extraordinary highs and crushing lows. I also can’t help but feel as though time is slipping through my fingers at such an alarming rate and all I want to do is stop the clock and melt for awhile. I’ve been trying more “mindful” strategies to achieve this. I have been doing a bit of mindful meditation and recently signed up for mindful yoga classes… and earlier this week, my cousin’s girlfriend sent me a link to mindful eating which I would like to do more often. I took a few bites from my protein vegan sandwich yesterday afternoon and decided to chew with purpose which gave my food a decidely different and far more intense flavor. There must be something to this.

In other news, my grandfather slipped away peacefully this past weekend at the age of 94. As sad as the loss was on the entire family, I am glad he is now reunited with the love of his life, my mami Naomi. We had a somber funeral service on Tuesday and were greeted by family members from LA, including some relatives I had never met before. It’s always an interesting affair when my family gets together, but for the most part, everyone was on their best behavior. Papi was the last of my living grandparents and it’s made me very reflective these past few days.

This past week also saw some pretty great highs, too. I met some wonderful women on Saturday at an aromatherapy party I attended with my dear friend Nicole and plans are in the works for an exciting giveaway in the spirit of Valentine’s Day. Stay tuned for more info!

I also jumped in the frigid waters in Long Beach, NY, this past weekend for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Team Levi raised more than $1,000 for this amazing cause and it was a great way to spend the early hours of Superbowl Sunday. Many, many thanks to all who donated and to the friends who came to show their support and jump in the ocean with us. As crazy as it sounds, ask anyone who attended and I’ll bet you they’ll tell you the same thing: they would do it again in a heartbeat. I’m not going to lie, it was cold, but once the adrenaline starts pumping you really don’t notice that you can no longer feel your legs. I ran in a total of four times. I’m still getting the circulation back in my fingertips. Here are some pics of the event (also notice that in the third picture I accidentally stepped on Bryan’s foot. With my ginormous galoshes. Which he claims hurt more than the cold water itself. Sorry about that, hun).

Posted at: 9:23 am by |Filed Under: the make-a-wish foundation | , 21 Comments
January 13, 2012

taking the plunge… part deux

It was only a year ago that I was experiencing life with a brand new set of eyes. I had regained confidence, a wonderful supportive network of friends and family, and a dizzying social calendar. I was loving life. A year ago, I did something completely unexpected and joined a team of Polar Bears to jump into the frigid waters of the Atlantic on Superbowl Sunday for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. To date, it was one of the most exhilarating experiences I have ever had.

I have seen quite a few highs and lows since that unseasonably warm day in February. About six months ago, I became quite ill and depressed. Anxiety took over and I have struggled to regain some of my footing since then. Each day posed a new challenge. I experienced panic attacks daily on my morning commute, avoided activities I had always loved, and made excuses when friends invited me to hang out. One evening while I visited my family, I experienced a panic attack of epic proportions on their porch (unbeknownst to them) and had to pop yet another anti-anxiety pill.

That was the lowest of the low. I thought that if I couldn’t enjoy being in the company of the ones who knew and understood me the best, there might not be hope for a recovery. I desperately wanted to return to the life I had always known. But here I was, overmedicated and drowning in alcohol, to silence some of the thoughts in my head. It was a very dark and extremely painful period in my life.

But sometimes Life has tricks up her sleeve. In the middle of all this uncertainty and depression, in stepped Bryan. His calm presence reassured me, his words touched me, and his poetry soothed me. I became hopeful again. I began to imagine a life where I was able to go out and frolic, dance, laugh, socialize, write, and live again. I wanted it for myself. For him. For us. He slowly taught me to love and trust again.

I can’t say that anxiety isn’t something that I live with daily, but I have found ways to accept and make peace with it. Meditation and exercise have helped, but I’m also treating my body better and learning to love myself again. Having a cheerleader in my corner has been tremendously influential in helping me on this path to recovery.

It all comes full circle. Bryan has just joined our team (Team Levi, named after my friend’s baby boy) and I’m excited to have him by my side this year as I take the icy plunge. He didn’t even have to think twice when I asked if he’d be interested. “Just let me know when it is, Mooi.”

A man who will jump into the Atlantic for a worthy cause?

I feel like I won the lottery.

The cause is really what it’s all about. There aren’t many things in this world that would cause me to act irrationally, but the sight of helicopters carrying children whose wish was to see the Polar Bears dive in their honor puts it all in perspective. I hope I am always sound in body and in mind and that I can continue this tradition for many, many years to come.

Absolutely NO pressure whatsoever, but should you feel so inclined to donate to this cause (or if you’re in the area and would like to join our team!), click here for more information.

Posted at: 9:37 am by |Filed Under: the make-a-wish foundation | 16 Comments