January 20, 2012

girl zone

As part of my mission to pick up resolutions that resonate with me in 2012, I added another just a few hours ago on my morning commute: to be present in each moment. It came to me when I noticed a woman texting while crossing a busy intersection with her baby in a stroller. I think it’s entirely unfair for me to judge the actions of this woman when I myself am often fiddling with a phone, new Kindle, or iPod, but it does say something about the culture we live in… we’re just so damn preoccupied with STUFF all the time.

I want to hit the pause button a bit more often this year. To just feel and be.

I’m trying to change my ways and have for the past few weeks reconnected outside of the beeping world of electronics. I want real face time because a girl needs her friends for dinner, to talk about life’s stresses, and to get a mani with every now and then. I have had the good fortune of doing all of these things in the past few weeks, not because life is lookin’ bad, but because I don’t want this season to pass me by. To know me is to understand that this is my season of hibernation, but I love my friends (and boyfriend) far too much to spend all that time under the covers (well, some time under the covers with Bryan is never a bad thing…).

Last week I had Ethiopian in Hell’s Kitchen with an old coworker I hadn’t seen in ages. It was fun to shoot the shit with her and catch up on the past nine years since we’d last seen each other (also, where in the hell does the time go?). She is a divorced mother of three and is taking tentative steps to get back out into the dating world. As we rolled our bread and dug into the delicious and colorful vegetarian food in front of us, she asked a question that transcends all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. “What in the hell is going ON out there??” She described online dating as a battle zone of sorts and told me about some of the weirdos she had encountered lately. We swapped horror stories and laughed over the absurdity of it all. She let me know that contrary to popular belief, older men still don’t always have it figured out.

I also went to Rosa Mexicano in Union Square with two of my besties as it had been some time since the three of us were able to plan a date night. For the first time in the history of our friendship, we all have significant others at the same time (one of them will soon get married), and it was fun to find out about their beaus and giggle into our sangria like old times. Also shout-out to the lovely Jill of Glamamom who apparently drove by me that evening as I was stepping into the restaurant!

Last night, I treated myself to a mani with a dear friend of mine who is also diving back into the online dating world after a bit of a break. I’m happy for her. I think she has a much healthier outlook since she participated in this dating detox. And now that I have a boyfriend, I can live vicariously through her stories.

How are you all coming along with your New Year’s resolutions? I’ll be honest: I’ve cheated a bit with the no smoking thing. I’ve had a few since, but I don’t feel the urge to smoke as I once did and I think I’m making strides in a very positive direction. I’m also learning the importance of shedding this thin skin and developing a thicker backbone. That’s still a work in progress, but we’re getting there.

You may also remember that my family lost it’s beloved beagle Linus in October. While there can never be another quite like him, I’m happy to meet a new shelter dog my parents are adopting this weekend. He’s a schnauzer/affenpinscher mix and quite possibly the most unattractive dog I’ve ever seen but I think he’ll make a beautiful addition to my crazy family. I’m happy they’re finally ready to welcome another dog into their home and lives again and I’m glad I’ll have a scruffy little guy to play with whenever I visit.

October 31, 2011

A very snowy Halloween weekend

I listened to the pitter patter of raindrops, a welcome relief from the thick wet patches of white flakes that had fallen earlier from the unforgiving wrath of Mother Nature’s unpredictable Autumn course. Halloween weekend in Asbury Park forced us to slightly alter our travel plans, but growing up in the northeast one learns always to expect the unexpected.

Here I was on a Saturday night, dressed up in a tight-fitting black skirt and glitter top, trying not to topple over in my black heels, and smoking a cigarette by the light of the moon. My friend and I had just returned to the hotel after an evening celebrating the engagement of a beautiful ex-coworker of ours. The stillness of the evening encouraged me to be alone with my thoughts (and after a rather harrowing day of commuting to south Jersey it was nice to breathe in the ocean breeze and allow it to tug gently at my locks). I reflected on some events that have occured in my life in the past few weeks. Some highs, a few lows… and I became determined again.

I am always reluctant to blog about the negative thoughts that sometimes swirl around in my head. I feel stuck in my job. I have been battling anxiety since July and haven’t really felt like myself since. I am more than a little frustrated by some of the men I have encountered in recent months. A recent exchange with an ex stirred up angry emotions I didn’t expect to grapple with all over again. And the worst blow of them all: I lost Linus, and I just really miss my companion so very much.

But then things started to come around, piece by piece. A tribute I wrote to Linus for BlogHer was featured on their site and, after submitting another post about what not to say to your single friends, I will be syndicated there tomorrow. Syndication has been a dream of mine since I started writing many moons ago, and in a way, I feel the little beagle that made his way into my heart played a huge role in this opportunity. This morning I was contacted about another exciting venture (details to come soon). A few days ago, I somehow managed to score floor tickets to one of the upcoming Phish shows at MSG (without having to sleep with anyone!). And maybe there’s a certain someone who’s been taking my breath away lately (but I’m not quite ready to share those details just yet).

Oh, and my sexy? It’s slowly returning. I think it fell out of my pocket in August sometime but I’d like to reward myself with a trip to Victoria’s Secret in the near future.

“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”~Gandhi

And so I will allow to come what may, with a silent determination to turn the events in my life around and to find my inner peace once again.

October 10, 2011

saying goodbye to my furry companion

“I would look at a dog and when our eyes met, I realized that the dog and all creatures are my family. They’re like you and me.”~Ziggy Marley

I had intended to write another post about my adventures in Paris–which is still forthcoming–but today I wanted to write a tribute to a very dear friend of mine who passed away much too young. The best friend a gal could ask for: my beloved beagle Linus.

Linus entered my life in October 2001, just months after I had graduated college when I was living with my parents since I was broke and unemployed. It was a time when I desperately wanted something to care for and to love unconditionally. What I didn’t know then–as I had never had a pet growing up–were the many lessons Linus would teach me along the way; lessons I will carry with me always and lessons I will never be able to thank him for personally.

My heart has been filled with so much sadness since I received the phone call Friday morning from a tearful mother who also wasn’t ready to part with her furry companion. When I moved out of my parent’s house in the fall of 2002, we had several debates about Linus’s future. Selfishly, I wanted to take him with me, knowing that I would never be able to afford him the luxury of mid-afternoon walks or backyards for bird chasing. In the end, I let my parents gain custody and I was granted visitation rights which I took full advantage of since my new coordinates weren’t too far from their house.

Linus and I would visit friends together (though car rides were never his favorite), go to the park to chat with local dog owners (with a punim like that, he was hard to resist), and we would spend lazy Sundays in the backyard soaking up the warm rays and watching the squirrels dance. He was not much of a lap dog but would happily sit on your head if you happened to be laying on the couch in the family room. I would confide in him when no one was looking and I am convinced he understood me completely. One night after a fight with a boyfriend, I sat on the sofa and cried ugly tears. Out of nowhere, Linus approached me, gently laid a paw on my arm, and looked me in the eyes. I scooped him up into my arms and he comforted me. He was so good at knowing just the right things to do without having to cut the air with empty words.

I loved the way he would eagerly anticipate my arrival and run laps in the living room while I put my bags down. He would chase circles around my feet, wag his tail, and bring me a bone or the closest chewed-up toy. A few weeks ago when I was visiting my family for the weekend, Linus and I danced a waltz in the kitchen while my mother prepared dinner. I’m not so sure that he cared for it too much, but he indulged me anyway. He was always good like that.

Though he wasn’t the smartest, most obedient dog in the world, everyone took to him. In his younger years, he would chew through seed packets, furniture, and my grandmother’s state-of-the-art, cutting-edge hearing aid. But she couldn’t resist his charm either and told my grandpa she had lost it.

Just before I left for Paris, his Lyme disease flared up again (he had been diagnosed with it years ago). This time, the meds didn’t help and he suffered terribly in his final days. I am eternally grateful to him that he waited for me to see him one last time before taking his last breath.

Over the weekend, my brother and I paid a visit to my parents so we could all say our final goodbyes. On a beautiful Saturday morning, we dug him a grave, filled it with his favorite toys, and laid him to rest on the Ikea owl pillow he loved. We took turns filling it in with brown earth and leaves. Not a dry eye in the backyard that day.

Goodbye, my sweet Liney. Thank you for ten beautiful and very special years. You will be missed.

(My heartfelt thanks to Joseph Costa of La Moda Studio for photos 4-6.)