the pursuit of happiness ends within

I would just like to extend a very warm thank-you to all for the swift kick in the rear I desperately needed after that last post. Your comments, text messages, emails, and phone calls really warmed my heart. I can’t tell you what it means to know so many of you are in my corner and I am slowly learning to let go and make peace with my past.

I’ve had some time to reflect in the past week and it dawned on me that feeling sorry for myself and feeling good about myself require the same amount of effort so why not focus on the latter instead? I know, I know. Easier said than done. This so-called-life is filled with all kinds of curves and dips, surprises and unusual circumstances. But I need to experience it, embrace it, and love it all over again.

I owe it to myself to be happy. I am deserving of great things. And I just want to feel good again, dammit.

So, how am I doing this exactly?

1) I splurged on a new haircut. If you are friends with me on Facebook, then you may have already seen this photo. And if you have been reading my blog long enough (or are friends with me IRL), you know I have the most unruly head of curls imaginable. But I wanted a change so I went a bit darker, had some split ends removed, and opted for the blowout. If you liked the curls, fret not-they have already returned in full force. Hmph.

2) I treated myself to some goodies from Vikki’s Secret. I also bought myself an adorable frog hat because I have a thing for warm winter wear. And yes-I realize the two couldn’t be further away from one another on the sexy spectrum, but sometimes you just need to celebrate your inner five-year-old and every now and then new bras and things are necessary.

3) Dance parties! And I’m not even talking about going to the clubs (though that’s always fun, too). I’m going to admit to something that may come back to haunt me later but I don’t care. Dancing to Rihanna in the privacy of my bedroom is extremely liberating and a good way to get the heart pumping. Yea. I do this.

4) I made plans. Lots of them. Dinner with a close friend in Jersey last night. Ladies night this evening. Brunch in the morning. I also have some tentative things lined up with friends I haven’t seen in ages who are in town for the holidays. I look forward to treating myself with the finest company imaginable.

5) And last but certainly not least, I met a wonderful guy who is doing much to restore my faith in men and, well, myself. For the first time in God knows how long, I am being courted and it’s a beautiful feeling. I love the way he looks at me when we lie side by side, how he chivalrously carries my things, and tells me he misses me just because. And the tulips he sent to my office this past week didn’t hurt either.

Finding someone I feel emotionally and intellectually connected with doesn’t happen every day (in my case it’s kind of like seeing Halley’s Comet twice in a lifetime), but when it does, it works wonders for the ol’ self esteem. The other day he dropped the “g” word and, though it freaked me out at first, I realized I should probably stop referring to him as “this really awesome guy I’ve kinda’ been seeing sorta’” (with that really annoying vocal inflection on the last note).

I have a boyfriend. It’ll take some time to get used to saying that but I’m warming up to the idea of letting him in. He makes me feel sexier than any haircut, lingerie, or Jagger dance moves ever could.

And that makes me feel happy again.

la vie en rose

Thoughts of Paris still swirl around my head though it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve returned and launched myself full force into the chaotic rhythm of life back home. It was hard to say goodbye so soon to such a magical city but I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to see it all again.

I was able to reconnect with old friends while there one evening and enjoyed a delicious dinner my former foreign exchange student prepared with her husband. Despite the fact that it had been 12 years since we had all last seen each other, we picked up right where we had left off… and aren’t those just the best kinds of friendships in life? We listened to French music, smoked cigarettes out of her balcony window, and laughed at old memories and pictures of life back when. Another friend introduced me to her boyfriend who said that if I were to move there, he would set me up with his friend and then proceeded to pull up his Facebook profile so I could see pics (ADORABLE!). So Paris comes complete with a built-in boyfriend. I can live with that.

It was delicious. Everything. I’m already contemplating my next trip.

But for now, I leave you with some of my favorite memories of a trip that left quite an impression. No matter how brief my time there, Paris dazzled and impressed and moved me.

my future home

how i spent my afternoons

Opera by night

with some of my French friends (and yes, I'm in need of a haircut)

the postcard I sent to myself... to remember always.

autumn in paris

You may have noticed some changes over at My Pixie Blog and I feel I owe it to you all to give a proper explanation as to why I have been MIA from my own blog lately.

Truth be told: my head’s not in a great space these days. As much as I rely on blogging as a way to escape the every day, the past few weeks have taken a huge toll on my well-being and I fear that having such an open forum has opened a Pandora’s Box of emotions I wasn’t anticipating when I first started this project. At present, I’m burned out by the prospect of dating and, as you may have noticed, I have been turning my blog over to some other wonderful ladies who were able to find their prince charmings after years of kissing frogs and collecting their own disaster dating card stories. I needed to take the attention off of myself for a while because it was slowly eating away at me that not only was I putting my personal life online for all to see, but each time things didn’t pan out the way I was hoping, I felt I was reliving a breakup over and over again.

I hope you can understand.

But I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.

Blogging has been the greatest gift I ever could have given to myself and I vow to document all the highs and lows of my dating journey in due time. This is not goodbye (don’t go anywhere–I have some more posts up my sleeve!). I still plan to feature other bloggers here on Fridays, I’ll host giveaways, do book reviews, and indulge you in the occasional dating disaster stories, but right now, I want to take some time to regroup and refocus.

Also I have some rather exciting news to share….

On Tuesday, I will board a flight and head to Paris. This has not been in the works for ages, but is the result of one girl, too much stress, a head full of daydreams, and a desire to get back to the way things were. Along for the ride? My dear sweet old man. He actually met my mom many moons ago in France and so I’m kind of excited he can take me to some of the places he remembers from his youth (I wish she could come, but her schedule won’t allow it at the moment).

my parents in Paris circa 1978

Bless his heart, he told me to “go. be single. have fun.” and then concluded with “I’m playing Billiards.” Seems this trip is necessary for us both.

I hope to have some fun stories to share with you upon my return. On the agenda? Photo taking. People watching. Smiling and laughing. Reading. Writing. Sitting in cafés and scribbling furiously in my journal. Practicing my French while flirting with the Parisians. Stuffing my face with crepes and croissants (I have denied myself sweets for far too long and plan to fully enjoy every delectable bite). Meeting old friends and perhaps making some new ones. Standing under the Eiffel Tower.

And admiring Sacre Coeur basilica, my favorite place in the world.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, please enter my canvas giveaway here. Winner will be announced on Monday!

who am I that I should be vying for your touch?

Growing up, I was a tomboy. Because I was the only female among my cousins (not to mention one of the oldest), I assumed the role of troublemaker/ringleader. At an early age, I was able to convince my younger cousins and brother to dig up the backyard in search of gold coins much to the chagrin of my poor aunt and uncle who had to shell out God knows what to cover landscaping costs. Later on, I dodged other bullets doing all the things that rebellious teenagers do and a few others that exemplified my many lapses in sound judgment. I believe my love of adventure and ability to find myself in a wide assortment of precarious situations are just two reasons why I get along with the opposite sex so well. [Read more...]

biggest mistakes are the humanest kind

Earlier this week, the itch returned. No, not that itch (gross). It started a few weeks ago but I tried to ignore it because I knew that a vacation wouldn’t be possible for me at this point in my life (financially speaking, anyway). But then the travel bug came back with a vengeance and it’s all I can think of lately. I’m not sure if I’m looking for an escape but when life gets a bit complicated and hairy, I dream about packing my bags, abandoning all responsibilities, and skipping town for a bit. (As an aside, I have no business even thinking about a vacation with credit card bills to pay and 12 concerts lined up for the summer. So far. Oh well, a gal‘s gotta have a little fun, too, right?). [Read more...]