March 20, 2012

[sponsored post] Return of the Om

As many of you already know, I have been a practicing yogi for several years but have given up going to my favorite Bikram studio recently due to overcrowding and a general feeling of unease when I walk in. I like a bit of personal space, and when this became an issue, I didn’t feel comfortable going any longer. I don’t like to feel trapped in a room with 70 other people, unable to breathe. There were several times when I would watch the sweat from my neighbor’s fingers drip slowly on my towel and I got a bit grossed out. Nothing personal, but if someone is going to sweat it out on my mat, it’s going to be me.

Months of stress and lack of exercise began to take their toll on my body, however; my muscles ached for a good stretching and I became unable to manage the everyday pressure of my 9-5. I was elated when I was contacted by My Yoga Online, an online yoga subscription service with hundreds of high-definition yoga, pilates, health, wellness, and meditation videos.

I have been using My Yoga Online for the past few weeks and am extremely happy with the videos I’ve found. It’s been wonderful to have this resource at my fingertips to practice yoga and meditate in my apartment whenever I like. This past weekend I greeted St. Patrick’s Day with a 27-minute Shanti Vinyasa Flow class taught by Shiva Rea. Her smooth voice gently guided me along and I melted into several poses I hadn’t practiced in months. Following this, I did a 13-minute Meditation and Mindful Living video. “When we live mindfully, we just live,” is a quote I have been repeating as a mantra to myself ever since. So simple and yet so poignant, isn’t it?

According to My Yoga Online, users are able to “…connect to our global community and experience yoga like never before. Our truly revolutionary concept helps us bring the physical, spiritual, and emotional benefits of our online classes to a global audience, improving quality of life for millions of people.” I especially enjoyed reading user reviews and saving select videos into a “favorites” folder to view later. It was interesting to see which yoga/meditation videos people gravitated towards, and to see the times of the day they preferred to try them.

Interested in trying a free two-week Premium unlimited membership to My Yoga Online? The first four people to express interest and comment here will receive a link to take advantage of this site. Additionally, My Yoga Online will award one lucky winner with a code for a one-year membership. Winner will be chosen at random; just leave your comment here.

I was compensated for this post and received a complimentary one-year Premium membership to My Yoga Online in exchange for this review. All opinions expressed herein are entirely my own. This post was sponsored by My Yoga Online.

Posted at: 11:46 am by |Filed Under: sponsored post | yoga | 12 Comments
March 19, 2012

winner winner chicken dinner!

Good morning, my sweet ones! I trust this finds you all well in body and in mind after a nice St. Pat’s weekend. What did you all do to celebrate?

Today’s post will be on the short side as I have not yet had my cup of coffee and can barely form a sentence. I might also be slightly hungover from the St. Patrick’s Day parade I went to yesterday. I hope Bryan wasn’t too upset about missing the Dropkick Murphy’s show in Boston (he showed me a clip last night and it did look like quite the party), but I think he had a very nice time listening to some bagpipes and drinking some beers with friends at a local pub. It was a good day.

Thank you all for entering Ninette’s lovely Josiah’s Oils giveaway contest, but with the help of a Random Integer Generator (how’s that for fancy? Say goodbye to slips of paper and my big floppy hat!), the winner of the essential oils is Leah from Far From Perfect Mamma. Congrats, Leah! And thanks to all for playing!

I will return shortly with a far more stellar post. Zzzzzz…

Posted at: 9:42 am by |Filed Under: giveaway | 3 Comments
March 16, 2012

a week of firsts

you are getting sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy...

In the past week, I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone on quite a few occasions to do things I’ve always wanted to try. I went to see a hypnotist conveniently located three blocks from my office thanks to an amazing deal I found recently on Lifebooker (though I often complain about working in the big city, I’ll never take the convenience of everything at my fingertips for granted). I had no idea what to expect but was told it wouldn’t involve hocus pocus or pocket watches (sadly). I was a ball of schvitz and anticipation by the time I rounded the corner and made my way up the stairs. Once there, I eased into the chair with my heart rate through the roof.

I think the hypnotist noticed because she told me nicely that I appeared a bit nervous.

She quickly explained the benefits of hypnosis, how it works, and what exactly we would be doing together. We did some basic exercises and she asked me to revisit some stressful events in my past so she could walk me through them once more. She taught me different ways to approach situations which I have been implementing into my daily routine with much success. I’m not sure if it’s because I had invested a bit of faith in the idea that something like hypnosis could actually help me or because I really gave it my all while in that chair, but I’m feeling infinitely better since I tried it. Hallelujah.

I also (finally!) got my tattoo. I’m very happy with it. Bryan and my best friend came with, each took a hand, and did much to ease my nerves. But it really wasn’t so bad and I’m already considering my second. This, I imagine, is how it all gets started, isn’t it?

excuse the poor image quality and redness

This past Wednesday I appeared on a radio talk show to discuss dating and relationships. I think it went well but I realized I have the tendency of saying “like” and “you know” a thousand times. I’ll work on that. Does anyone have any information on getting involved in radio? I’d love to hear it!

Other than that, things are looking good. Phish summer tour has been announced. I’m still smitten and Bryan and I haven’t killed each other after five months. And it looks as though I have some exciting projects in the works. Details to come soon.

Also, if you haven’t already, please enter my giveaway for an awesome gift basket!

Posted at: 10:27 am by |Filed Under: giveaway | ink | 14 Comments
March 13, 2012

Why dating in the real world is nothing like “finding love” on the Bachelor

Before you all let out a simultaneous groan, I would like to apologize for dedicating an entire post to this tawdry reality TV program. I’m not proud of it. But you’re also reading this, so maybe we can bond in our mutual disgust… and shared guilty pleasure.

I have been watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise for many embarassing seasons and, before I met Bryan, I often found myself wondering what I would be like as a contestant on this show. I even announced to a few of my friends that if Ben were chosen as bachelor, I would consider throwing my hat in the ring. I’m in the targeted demographic, have a steady job, come from a good, upstanding family, and still have all my teeth. Though I’ve never seen any of the girls sporting a ‘fro quite like mine, I figured a bit of styling and some tight dresses and I would blend right into a Bachelor lineup.

But each season I get discouraged by the terrible choices the eligible bachelors/bachelorettes make and I wonder if they’re being provoked to keep certain crazies on for the ratings, or because they are hoping to get a certain hottie into the overnight “no cameras allowed” bow-chicka-bow-wow suite.

So here is where life is different for those of us who date the old fashioned way. On the Bachelor/Bachelorette, you:

1) show up, look dolled up for the cameras, and enjoy months of luxurious accommodations, first-class travel to exotic locations, and the best dining ABC’s budget can afford. I dunno about you, but I could fall in love with that lifestyle very easily, too. How about the real world scenario most of us have to live in, which includes cooking together at home because going out all the time is financially taxing. And forget trips to Switzerland; many of us would settle for a trip down the shore for a long weekend.

2) get to date 20 men/women at the same time! This show is a polygamist’s dream come true. Every day you get up and beautiful men (women) are fawning all over you and even fighting for your hand in marriage. Imagine! Real world: Dating isn’t a la carte, and NO you cannot have the steak AND the fish. Greedy bastard. You get to know one person on an intimate level. The good, the bad, and the ugly are exposed for what they’re worth.

3) have no time for fighting when you only get to spend an hour every two weeks together. The goal of this show is to meet the one person you are most compatible with in hopes of proposing and spending the rest of your lives together. How can you possibly marry someone you’ve never fought with? I’m not saying excessive fighting is essential to a relationship, but how you make it through those rough patches can determine how you’ll survive long-term.

Bryan and I just had our first argument together after a solid five months. In many ways we are still celebrating the honeymoon phase of our relationship, but I’m glad we were able to see how we could handle our first disagreement. Because, as I touched on earlier, relationships aren’t about private jets and ziplining. They teach us how to deal with socks next to the hamper and whose turn it is to take out the trash.

4) ordinarily would have to wade through a lot more frogs to find your prince/princess charming (and I’m not talking about physical attributes here). How many of us have gone out with the guy who has psychotic tendencies or the charmer who doesn’t let you get a word in edgewise because he is a high profile lawyer who’d rather scoff at your credentials? The men/women chosen to appear on this show are all beautiful and many of them are relatively successful: from sweet Southern belle Casie B. to the funny Ph.D. student Emily. What this show lacks in diversity and depth it makes up in entertainment and shock value, I guess (see Courtney).

5) have a really cheesy soundtrack to accompany the poignant moments in your life. In particular, I’m talking about the David Gray song that was popular more than 10 years ago and appears to be the only song Bachelor Ben can play on the piano.

All that aside, I’m incredibly disappointed in this year’s bachelor. I had high hopes for Ben. He was handsome, sweet, heartbroken, and sensitive when the season started. His decision to pick model Courtney makes me question his taste in women and judgment. Yes, it’s a huge red flag when one girl in the house doesn’t play nice with all the others. And I think she was also interested in winning the show more than she was interested in winning his heart. Did I just write that? Someone shoot me. What did you think? Did you watch?

I’ve had some problems with my blog lately which I’m still trying to fix. Please bear with me, but let me know if you notice anything funky (you can email me at charlotte@mypixieblog.com). And today is the day I get my tattoo. Wish me luck!

Also, if you haven’t already, please enter my giveaway for an awesome gift basket!

Posted at: 10:43 am by |Filed Under: dating | the bachelorette lifestyle | 17 Comments
March 9, 2012

giveaway time! meet Ninette of Josiah’s Oils

Not sure about you, but this is the time of year where my mind is off in the Caribbean somewhere. I imagine myself lying in a hammock and gazing out into the clear ocean waters, margarita by my side, the smell of suntan lotion strong in the sweet air. If I try hard enough, I can feel the breeze in my curls and the sand between my fingers as I strech over the edge of the fabric.

It’s so vivid an image that I sometimes have to remind myself that I am, in fact, on a crowded train on my way to work in midtown Manhattan. I conjured up this image just the other day when a man just behind me was so eager to get on the path train that he shouted “move, move, move!” in my ear while pushing me forward. I didn’t have the voice so early in the morning to explain nicely that it’s customary to wait for people to file out first before entering the train… and I have a feeling my words may have been punctuated by a slight jab in the ribs.

Until I am able to afford a getaway to the Caribbean (or anywhere outside of the tri-state area, for that matter), I’m excited to tell you about a company that may help ward off some of the winter blues. I was recently introduced to Ninette, a hardworking mother of five (!) and the founder of Josiah’s Oils at an aromatherapy party I attended with my friend Nicole. Offering a wide range of 100% natural and holistic essential oils, her products help to decrease depression, increase relaxation, reduce sleeplessness, increase focus, and much more. In other words, they are the perfect pick-me-up and remedy for this time of year.

Ninette has graciously offered to donate some products for a giveaway to one very lucky reader of My Pixie Blog. He/she will receive the following items from Josiah’s Oils:

(1) 4-oz. bottle of Relaxation Diffusing Mist Spray
Contains distilled water and the following essential oils: tangerine, citrus fruit, lavender, ylang ylang, patchouli, and blue tansy. All of these oils calm tensions and lift the spirit, promoting relaxation. When massaged on the bottoms of the feet, this product can help you enjoy a peaceful night’s rest. Ninette says she “…find[s] it especially calming and comforting to young children after an overactive day or activites!” I have this at home and spray it in the sheets before I go to sleep. It is magical, truly.

(1) 4-oz. bottle of Sinus Relief Diffusing Mist Spray
Contains distilled water, and the following essential oils: peppermint, rosemary, eucalyptus, lavender, and lemon. These oils are anti-bacterial and anti-fungal, promoting oxygen to the lungs and breaking mucus. Just inhale and feel the difference–immediately! These fine mist bottles also work to diffuse the oils into the air.

(1) Herbal Weighted Eye Pillow
This relaxation eye pillow is made of organic dried corn, grains*, and lavender, sage, or rosemary. It can be chilled (simply place in a ziplock bag and put it in the fridge or freezer) or microwaved. Pillow not only relaxes, but removes puffiness, too!

*Gluten-free version is also available.


Rules:

1) You must live in the United States to be eligible for this giveaway.
2) “Like” My Pixie Blog on Facebook (+1 entry)
3) Follow My Pixie Blog on Twitter (+1 entry)
4) Like Josiah’s Oils on Facebook (+1 entry)
5) Tweet about this giveaway (+1 entry)

Please leave a separate comment for each entry. Winner will be announced on March 19, 2012. Good luck to all!

Posted at: 9:32 am by |Filed Under: giveaway | 31 Comments
March 7, 2012

single step

I arrived a half hour early, paid at the front desk, and snuck into the large yoga studio, air heavy with sweat, determination, frustration, and relief. I was nervous. This was my first bikram class in close to four months and I wasn’t entirely sure how I would handle it. I had given myself a pep talk at work and on my way up the steep stairs, convinced that if I didn’t get back on this horse now, I may come up with a laundry list of excuses for the rest of my life.

I’m tired. I’m not mentally prepared. What if my body can’t handle this any longer?

But those things weren’t really holding me back, I thought as I unfolded and stepped onto my mat. I had allowed my own fear to get in the way of my happiness and I was determined to see my way through it. I sat in anticipation and removed my tank top, revealing muscles that had stayed with me all these months later, and I remembered that yoga (and bikram in particular) is metaphoric for so many things in my life. It’s an intensely personal practice and one that reminds me of the fragility of life and the impermanence of it all. What I have lost in these past few months–including my papi, my dog, and sense of self–I have regained in the form of new opportunities, an appreciation for the term “bittersweet,” and an increased awareness of my place in this world.

Once the door shut, I focused on my breath and pushed my body in ways it hadn’t moved in quite sometime. I gave all I could, allowing the beads of sweat to gather in my browline. My muscles softened and stretched and I gave an inch more that I thought I could during standing tree pose.

Every now and then, my mind became distracted with thoughts about dinner, friends, Bryan, work, blogging, the meaning of life. But kindly this time, I escorted it back to the mat, to that place I had called home for so long. I was grateful and in the moment. I realized that months of mindful meditation practices had finally paid off.

I needed this. The pain, the sweat, the discomfort.

Because a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Posted at: 9:18 am by |Filed Under: yoga | 11 Comments
March 2, 2012

Friday couldn’t come soon enough this week

My mind has been running a marathon all week and I’ve lost much sleep as a result. I have been very pensive about my future, my career, my goals, and just life in general. But some very awesome things did happen for me this week. I may have landed my very first paid sponsor (!) and when I contacted a well-known satire site about writing opportunities, a very polite man replied to tell me he was “quite familiar” with my blog. It made me feel good. Maybe he was blowing smoke up my ass, but it was a nice pick-me-up all the same.

I very rarely participate in memes but it’s nice to have a writing prompt every now and then. And the very awesome Sorta Southern Single Mom tagged me and I can’t say no to her. If you don’t already follow her, go visit immediately. She’s one of the most supportive bloggers I’ve met and I love our email exchanges. As for tagging my friends, I have listed a few at the end of this post. Feel free to answer the questions on your blogs or not. I won’t be offended either way. But if you’re experiencing some writer’s block, this may help.

The Rules:
1. Post the rules
2. Share 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions posted to you from your tagger
4. Come up with 11 new questions for the people you tag
5. Tag your peeps on Twitter, Facebook, or on your blog

11 Random Things:

1. I learned sign language in grade school and since then I’ve developed a really annoying habit of signing the letters to the very last word that hangs in the air in a conversation. Been doing it since I was seven.
2. I am fluent in German, speak a bit of French, and learned a year of Dutch in college. Before I decided on a career in the world of publishing, I thought maybe I could be a diplomat. Or a spy.
3. I hate peas and licorice.
4. My favorite place in the world is Sacre Coeur basilica in Paris. When I went to the city last year, I stumbled upon one of the most spectacular views I had ever seen… and it was so breathtaking, I nearly cried.
5. I’ve always wanted to visit Monet’s gardens in Giverny. I have a slight obsession with the impressionist and would love to ride a bike over the Japanese bride, gaze at the water lilies, and engage in a conversation with a relative who still tends to the property.
6. The Count from Sesame Street once paid me a visit when I lived in a haunted house in upstate New York and he’s creeped me out ever since.
7. The first cassettes I ever purchased were Mariah Carey’s self-titled album and Another Bad Creation’s At the Playground. Don’t judge.
8. Stupid things I did in my youth: got in cars with strangers and hitchhiked in Europe.
9. I won a hula hoop competition at my cousin’s bar mitzvah. Haven’t hooped since though I attempted once at a Phish show.
10. My roommate in Heidelberg and I were once coerced into having a fake wedding (complete with vows and flowers) to a very adorable and younger Polish kid who worked in a McDonald’s.
11. Despite the fact that I can’t swim, I once went swimming with stingrays in Barbados. While wearing swimmies. Guess who was the coolest kid in the water that day?

Sorta Southern Single Mom’s 11 Questions:

1. Favorite teacher?
Mrs. Malloy, my high school English teacher.
2. Why was he/she your favorite?
She really encouraged my writing, taught me to appreciate Poe and literature, and allowed me to have many “ah ha!” moments under her tutelage. It was in her classroom where I realized I could do something with this passion if I worked hard enough.
3. Movie line you are most likely to quote?
Oh, lord. I’m SOOO bad with movies. But this is one of my favorite exchanges from the movie Office Space:

    Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Na-yee-na-na-jar. Nayeenanajar.
    Michael: Yeah, well, at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.
    Samir: There’s nothing wrong with that name.
    Michael: There *was* nothing wrong with it… until I was twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
    Samir: Well, why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
    Michael: No way! Why should I change my name? He’s the one who sucks.

4. Song, not necessarily your favorite, you find yourself belting out at the top of your lungs?
If I’m alone, anything by K$sha. If I’m in front of people, something respectable, like Dylan (Hurricane, Quinn the Eskimo, or One More Cup of Coffee) or Marley (Coming in from the Cold, Is this Love?).
5. Favorite vegetable?
Anything green and leafy, like spinach, kale, or swiss chard.
6. How do you prefer to get your caffeine? Coffee, tea, soda, chocolate?
Oh, caffeine, how I miss thee. I went decaf a few months ago but when I do treat myself to it (on weekends occasionally) I take a French Vanilla (light and sweet) from Dunkin Donuts.
7. Wine? Beer? Fruity drinks? None?
Vino. Lately Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio.
8. Your first kiss?
My across-the-street neighbor Greg. I think I was 9 and it was behind the bushes.
9. Favorite place to vacation?
Europe or the Caribbean. Depending on the season and what I need the getaway for.
10. Size bed you sleep in?
Queen.
11. Bikini, tankini, one-piece, covered from knees to nose?
Bikini. LMAO @ covered from nose to knee.

11 questions for my bloggy friends:

1. If you could do anything with your life, what would you do?
2. You are leaving to go on a deserted island and are allowed to bring three CDs. Which ones do you take?
3. Who do you look up to most in life and why?
4. Book that changed your life?
5. What are the top three items on your bucket list?
6. What is your proudest accomplishment?
7. Vacation destination at the top of your list?
8. First crush?
9. The world is coming to an end and you are allowed to make three phone calls. Who do you dial?
10. What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
11. If you could chose one superpower, which one would you pick?

And the bloggers I wish to tag (in no particular order) are:

Nikki of Constructive Compulsion
Dave of ΔΟΚΕΙ ΜΟΙ
Shana of Fumbling Towards Normalcy
Jayme of The Random Blogette
Tina of Florida Girl with a New Life
Brandy of Deliciously Alive

If I haven’t tagged you, but you’d like to participate, please do! And to all: please send me your links if you do answer these questions. XOXO

Posted at: 10:58 am by |Filed Under: meme | 17 Comments
February 29, 2012

the numbers game

This past weekend Bryan and I tiptoed around a topic of conversation that has come up quite a few times over the course of our young relationship and I decided that, good or no, I wanted very much to know the answer to the dreaded question: How many people has he slept with?

“Charlotte, no good can come from it. It’s in his past and it shouldn’t change anything,” my best friend told me when I mentioned to her that I wanted to have this conversation with him. And because I’m so very good at listening to the sage advice of my loving friends, I decided to push him for an answer anyway.

I wasn’t scared of what he would say when I told him my number (awkward teenage years coupled with insecurity, stupid boyfriends in college, and two long-term relationships post college kept my number on the lower end of the scale), but I had a feeling his would be higher than I would have liked. And I also made it clear he couldn’t double and I wouldn’t half. He reluctantly told me his number might change the way I felt about him and that it’s better left unsaid but I reassured him that it wouldn’t. Once I had an idea of just how many girls we were talking about I could just let it lie and I wouldn’t obsess about it ever again.

He made jokes, tried to change the topic, and told me Adam Corolla had said that 50 is a good go-to number: it’s round and sweet, shows experience, and, he insisted, wasn’t high enough to make a woman faint. I didn’t tell him that even this number seemed high, and it’s a good thing I didn’t because he was honest and told me what it really was (which, consequently, was considerably higher than Corolla’s ballpark figure).

Wilt Chamberlain* buried his head in the pillow and said we never should have brought it up. But I didn’t blink. I wanted to make good on my promise of not freaking out, and, somehow I felt a wave of calm once he did finally release that information to me.

Am I happy his number is on the high side? No. But it doesn’t discredit what we share and he’s never made me feel as though I was just another notch on the belt. Did he care that my number was on the low side? No. Although this does touch on a whole other topic of double standards that exist in our society. I wonder what would have happened if I had pulled the same number out of my hat that he presented me with.

Have you ever broken up with a boyfriend or had someone break up with you because they weren’t happy with your number? Do you have a cut off number, as in, if someone has slept with X amount of people, you can’t date him/her? Is this a conversation you steer clear of in general?

Talk to me.

And for the record, I’m not going anywhere. A number is a number is a number.

*As much as I tease, Bryan comes nowhere near Wilt’s record-breaking claim of sleeping with 20,000 women. Good god, when did that man sleep?!

Posted at: 9:14 am by |Filed Under: dating | sex | 24 Comments
February 27, 2012

Just as I am

Over two years ago, as I sat and recovered and shook off the pain, I thought to myself that the next one would be a great one. And that I would take as much time as I needed to find just the right fit. Someone who loves to travel and experience new things. Someone who loves dogs. Someone who is compassionate and giving, kind and sensitive. Someone who will appreciate a sunset, a glass of wine, and hours of deep conversation. Someone who wants a family one day and doesn’t scoff at the idea of a simple wedding, a chipped dish, and a Fossil watch with fine scratches and underlying sentimental value.

Someone who accepts me just as I am and loves me despite my imperfections.

I think back to that time with mixed emotions. I was broken and sad, hurt and confused. I wondered if love would enter my life again and I felt deep remorse that I had wasted so much of my youth on someone who didn’t appreciate me just as I was.

“I am done with my graceless heart. Tonight I’m going to cut it out and then restart.”

But this dark time was also a huge turning point for me. I remembered how much I loved writing, I regained my confidence slowly, and I focused my attention on reconnecting again. With friends and family. Yoga and travel. Music and good memories.

Fast forward two years and I have found the only piece that was missing this entire time. I am madly in love with someone who is all the things I was looking for. My life is rich and full. I have good friends and a wonderful, loving family. I have enjoyed the fruits of my labor and am now paid for my writing, which is something I have always dreamed of.

But there are days I just don’t recognize the girl in the mirror.

“I’m always dragging that horse around.”

Some days I feel I am unraveling. I step foot on that path train in the morning and the anxiety kicks me in the face. I think I might be going crazy and I panic, making everything worse. I have spent the past 7 months coming to terms with the fact that this would be a journey and one that would teach me many invaluable lessons. I’ve made way for the medications, the books, the therapy, the meditation, and soon hypnosis in hopes of getting back to the person I once was.

All of a sudden, the girl who broke down and cried at the drop of a hat became someone I envied. It’s a strange concept for me to process.

We can’t always have it all. I’m okay with that. But I’m also learning to be softer, kinder, and gentler on myself. I’m incorporating practices into my daily routine that allow me to accept feelings of anxiety and panic and make room for them at my table. It’s scary, but it’s helping. Slowly. That has been the most difficult thing for me to accept; the idea that there isn’t a quick fix that will erase painful memories or drown out the waves of panic when they come. I am confident I’ll get there though and will over time learn to accept myself just as I am.

“Tonight I’m going to bury that horse in the ground.”

Posted at: 10:43 am by |Filed Under: letting go | 15 Comments
February 21, 2012

dreams

Last night was not unlike any other but this morning I woke up with vivid recollections of the dreams that occupied my mind and I was alarmed. I don’t usually have bad dreams, but for months I have had a series of them despite the fact that I constantly try to summon up happy thoughts before falling asleep at night. Sometimes my dreams are benign and I dream about my parents adopting additional dogs. Many times they are silly like the one I had about Justin Long a few days ago. Despite the fact that I always think about Bryan before I go to bed, he has sadly not yet made an appearance in my evening visions.

But last night I had a dream that I was surrounded by women who had committed suicide in my workplace. It was so vivid, I trembled. So disturbing, I turned away. One hanged herself in the bathroom; the other in my cubicle.

Just yesterday I was telling a friend that the work environment has turned a bit toxic, but good God, it’s not that bad. I am keeping my options open and would like to find something that suits my lifestyle a bit better. I’d love to focus more on my writing and would therefore love to find something part-time on the side even though I worry about how I’ll pay the bills and what I’ll do for health insurance. Part of me is done with the rat race and working in Manhattan in general. This isn’t the first time I’ve said this, but it is the first time I’m actively searching, networking, and floating around my resume.

Because I really want a different course.

And I don’t want to have dreams like that ever again.

Have you ever had a dream/series of dreams this disturbing? Did they eventually stop when you changed something that was bothering you?

Posted at: 12:05 pm by |Filed Under: work | , 17 Comments
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