February 26, 2013

An open letter to Patti Stanger

As much as it pains me to admit, I am addicted to all things Bravo TV. If there were some sort of rehab clinic, I might have to check myself in for watching way too many Housewives and for using up all the DVR space with Andy Cohen’s clubhouse. It’s embarrassing. Thank God I found a boyfriend who laughs at my obsession and sits through episodes of Beverly Hills to catch up with the hotties of 90210 (sometimes. Like if there isn’t a “Pawn Stars” marathon on).

Back when I was single, I used to think that Patti Stanger held all the secrets to a happy and healthy relationship. Until I realized that she, too, has struggled to find her own match. But that’s neither here nor there. Just because she’s good at setting up others, doesn’t mean she always follows her own advice, right?

Last week I had some extra time to veg out for a bit and I watched a recent Valentine’s Day clubhouse episode. Andy and Patti in a room discussing love? Yes please.

Patti Stanger

I don’t often agree with Patti, but I love that she tells people exactly what’s on her mind (even though I think she could use a bit more tact). This episode, however, was doing a disservice to the many women (and men) who are currently single.

Patti’s advice to “date nice Jewish men” shouldn’t apply to everyone. And I’m saying this as a partial Jewish girl who has been with quite a few Jewish guys. I am currently dating a wonderfully sweet Dutch man and I wouldn’t trade him in for the world. It’s all about finding the right connection with a person. I know far too many people who have signed up for such sites as JDate only to realize that the only thing they share in common with any of these men is that–Surprise! They’re both Jewish.

A caller phoned in to ask Patti why she advises her clients to dress like whores at the mixers, a question I have pondered once or twice myself. When it comes to choosing what to wear for a first date, I have a very simple rule: wear something comfortable that reflects who you are as a person. Don’t wear high heels? Rock a pair of flats. Not a big fan of skinny jeans? Then find pants that are flattering and make you feel sexy. True story: I once showed up to a first date wearing green cargo pants, a Tinkerbelle t-shirt, and sneakers. I was comfortable and the guy liked me enough to call me for a second date (we ended up dating six years).

At one point, a viewer wanted to know how long to wait to “fart or poop in front of someone you’re dating.” Patti’s advice? Never. Which she then amended to “after five years of marriage.” Maybe millionaires don’t do either of these things (*eye roll*), but it seems ridiculous to perpetuate the notion that women don’t fart/poop and that it’s unladylike to EVER do these things in front of a significant other.

And there you have it. A few reasons why I think Patti Stanger is full of shit (hey-o!). What are your thoughts? Do you watch the Millionaire Matchmaker? Are you obsessed with Bravo?

Posted at: 10:49 am by |Filed Under: dating | , , , 12 Comments
February 25, 2013

just another manic monday

It’s hard to believe the weekend is over already. My friend posted the graphic below on her Facebook wall this morning and it seemed rather fitting. Sadly I’ve already run out of granola and coffee, but there is a snack machine conveniently steps away. Minutes later: thank Buddha for Cheez-Its.

There were many highs and lows this past weekend. As I blogged about here, a beloved coworker passed away recently and I attended her funeral yesterday with a friend I haven’t seen in some time. As sad as the circumstances were, it was nice to spend a day with her and catch up like old times. We discussed stories of our mutual friend and how happy she would have been with the ceremony, which truly was a celebration of her exuberant life.

I have been feeling a bit of unrest lately. It has to do with a combination of things, but I think it boils down to the fact that I am in dire need of a vacation. A real pack-my-bags-and-get-on-a-plane vacation. I have been seeing so many posts lately from friends in the northeast trading in frigid temperatures in favor of the warm sun and golden sands of the Caribbean or the vivid colors and historic nooks of Europe and again I’m bitten by the travel bug. Bryan and I have possibly discussed getting away for a meditation retreat (his ears perked up when I mentioned I would be taking a vow of silence–HA!) but I’d really like to make this the year where I venture further, explore more, DO more. If the funeral this past weekend taught me anything, it’s that life is entirely too short, and if we wait until we have enough money, more time off, more excuses, we’ll never get where we want to be.

In very bittersweet news, my sweet Sandy (the pit I have been fostering for the past 6 weeks or so) has found her forever family. Two parents and two children made the long trek from south Jersey to meet with her and I think it was love at first sight for everyone. Sandy loved the extra attention (and treats) and she will soon graduate from my tiny shoebox apartment to a large house with a fenced-in yard and plenty of space to roam. I couldn’t be happier for her, though obviously the separation will be difficult. I guess I’ll have no other choice but to foster another!

How are you all, my sweet ones? What did you do this weekend? Stay tuned: letter to Patti Stanger, yummy product review, and much more to come this week! XOXO

Posted at: 11:47 am by |Filed Under: other | travel | 9 Comments
February 21, 2013

keep her in your heart for awhile

Early yesterday morning I received some devastating news: a beloved friend lost her battle with cancer. I thought of her randomly just the day before and how awful it was that I hadn’t spoken to her in some time. I heard through the grapevine that she wasn’t doing too well and I was beginning to feel guilty for not checking in on her. I am so very sad that I was never given that chance; that we didn’t go out for margaritas like we had intended or lunch when she was back on her feet again.

I won’t take up space here for clichés about missed opportunities and having regrets in life (though this will certainly be one of them for me), but I do hope you’ll allow me the chance to discuss a very special woman I met about six years ago.

I was initially drawn to Raffaela* because of her confidence, sense of humor, and no nonsense attitude. I was envious that she was able to say with ease what I struggled to convey. She had very comfortably settled into her skin and was as healthy and active as any of the 20-year-olds who were just out of college and vying for jobs in the businesses of Manhattan. Raffaela had one of the most stunning physiques I had ever seen on a woman.

We instantly became friends. She would text me during American Idol and we would gush about our favorites the day after around the water cooler. She listened earnestly and gave sage, nonjudgmental advice. Some of my favorite moments were the quiet times when we opened up to each other about love, life, and the meaning of it all.

I remember how incredibly supportive she was whenever I spoke to her about my writing. She convinced me that anything was possible if I set my intention. Raffaela had an infectious personality. She was always smiling, shaking her mane of long, beautiful hair, and always on the go. She was a typical and proud New Yorker, born and raised. The energy of the city coursed through her veins and she was my go-to when I needed suggestions for a date or a night out with friends.

I’ll never forget how she tore up the dance floor at my friend’s wedding and how much she loved to talk about music. In one of our last conversations, she asked me about a Jackson Browne concert I had attended at the Beacon. I could talk to her about music for hours.

Raffaela, your time here was far too short; your impression on my heart too big for words. I hope you are now at peace, and dancing and flirting with all the handsome men in sight. Your presence will sorely be missed.

Love always,

Charlotte

*I hope she gets a kick out of the name I’ve given her in my blog. She always had an interest in the art, foods, culture, and men of Italy, so I wanted to give her a strong Italian name that suited her.

Flower meadow in Llano, Texas

I close with lyrics to “Keep Me in Your Heart for Awhile,” a beautiful song written by another sweet soul gone much too soon, Warren Zevon.

Shadows are falling and I’m running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile
If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile
There’s a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sometimes when you’re doing simple things
around the house
Maybe you’ll think of me and smile
You know I’m tied to you like the buttons on
your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver’s headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for awhile
These wheels keep turning but they’re running out
of steam
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Posted at: 9:22 am by |Filed Under: other | 19 Comments
February 15, 2013

Match.com releases latest study on singles in America

Last Saturday, a few bloggers got together after a huge snowstorm covered the streets of New York to hear about the latest study released by Match.com. The broadcast focused on a variety of topics, including sexting, dating taboos, and one-night stands, while some lesser known facts about dating, relationships, and mainly, being single in America were presented by Dr. Helen Fisher in an interesting presentation. Click here for more information:

According to the study, 65% of all couples do not post their relationship status on Facebook, a statistic I find oddly refreshing. Since I virtually know when all of my friends are sneezing, it’s nice to know that some things are still kept somewhat private. Personally, I never found the need to update my status, but I wonder if I do it more out of superstition than anything else. What about you? Have you updated your status on FB to indicate that you’re in a relationship?

Apparently “friends with benefits” is on the rise, with 40% of all women and 53% of all men preferring this route over monogamy. One statistic that I thought was cute and somewhat unexpected is that single men are twice as likely to say that their first love was before the age of 10. I know there’s not a chance in Hades that Craig Kafko is reading this (my elementary-school crush), but how creepy would it be to go around like this guy Mitch and try to pick up old flames?

There were some parts of the study that were pretty straightforward, like the fact that most people think it’s rude to text on a date and that 90% of all people think it’s bad form to break up via text. I mean, who does these things anyway? It’s almost as bad as pulling a Berger and breaking up with Carrie via Post-It note on Sex and the City. Seems online dating is still the #1 preferred method of meeting people, while going on Facebook and trolling the bars come in at #2 and #3 respectively.

I’m always fascinated by the ever-changing field of dating in America so I find surveys like this to be useful, if not indicative of where we are as a society and how our lifestyles are constantly changing.

What do you think about this study? Do you find the results accurate?

All opinions expressed herein are entirely my own. This post was sponsored by Match.com.

Posted at: 9:40 am by |Filed Under: dating | sponsored post | , , 8 Comments
February 13, 2013

Valentine’s Day, Shmalentine’s Day

Valentine's Day

I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day, regardless of whether or not I am in a relationship. I dislike the way the holiday has a way of isolating those who are single and I hate the pressure it puts on couples to outdo each other every year. What should be a celebration of love often turns into a competition among girlfriends to see whose boyfriend gets top honors.

My birthday and Valentine’s Day tend to fall into the same category for me (“Wake Me Up When It’s Over”).

It all dates back to my elementary school years when I would come to school with a box full of personalized greetings, making sure to give one to every person in class. By the end of the day, even Columbus who sat behind me and relentlessly made fun of my name gave me a red envelope. Clearly someone in his family told him it would be the right thing to do.

Years later in high school, my friends and I made it a habit to send flowers to each other with thoughtful greetings like, “Roses are red, violets are blue, this holiday sucks, let me borrow your coat after class.” They were usually short and sweet and they allowed us to take comfort in the fact that we always had each other.

The other night I went to a local haunt with a few coworkers and we discussed our upcoming plans for the holiday. Since Bryan and I work opposite shifts, it’s difficult for us to really see each other during the week. I hope to God the day comes and goes without much fanfare. Last year he cooked a delicious feast at home, pulled out my chair, and did the dishes. That far exceeded any expectations I had for the holiday and I hope we continue to keep it a low-key event.

Hearing friends already freak out about the day makes me immensely grateful that I am secure enough to know that pomp and circumstance on Valentine’s Day does not solidify my feelings for Bryan, and vice versa. I’ve been in enough relationships to know that having someone pull out all the stops on one day alone doesn’t mean anything in the end; how they treat you the other 364 days a year is what matters most.

What about you? Do you have plans for Valentine’s Day, or would you like me to wake you when it’s all over?

Posted at: 10:18 am by |Filed Under: dating | Valentine's Day | 13 Comments
February 11, 2013

Who is online dating really for?

So your latest blind date was more chump than Prince Charming. Let-downs like this make us rethink our love lives. More and more singletons are entering cyberspace to find the perfect partner–and it’s not just seasonal blues.

Professionals who are short on time

Long commutes, business meetings, and late nights at the office leave little time for romance. Websites such as eHarmony are ideal for busy professionals as they can plan their love life around work.

Instead of wasting time on dead-end dates, this site allows users to enjoy romantic meals out with other singles who share the same interests, values, and life goals. Many sites also offer a mobile service, enabling you to connect with matches when you’re on the go.

Single parents who struggle to meet new people

The toughest challenge when looking for love is finding someone you connect with. It’s even harder when you rarely meet anyone new at all. This is a problem many single parents face. Busy lives and looking after the kids makes it difficult to try out new social situations. Online dating sites have thousands of members for you to view–matches you may never have met in your day-to-day life.

People who want a shared heritage

For singletons with an overseas heritage, be that Poland or the Middle East, dating someone with the same background can be important. This can be because of religion or a shared understanding of the culture. Online dating is ideal for these singletons as Arab dating websites let them define and filter matches.

Singletons who don’t know where to start

The dating game isn’t just for the young. The young-at-heart are also turning to online dating websites to find love and companionship. After being in a relationship for a long time, it’s hard to know where to start looking if you find yourself single again.

Dating websites are a good place to start because all the hard work is done for you. The resulting matches are perfectly suited to you and your lifestyle, leaving you with the task of having fun.

Everyone!

Everyone has a mental list of attributes that they want in their ideal partner, whether it’s a certain religion, a muscular physique, or ginger hair. It’s hard to pin down why we fancy certain people, but the fact of the matter is we all have a picture in our minds.

That’s why online dating IS the right path for you. Give yourself the best chance of a successful relationship by finding individuals just like you and who fit the mold of Mr. Right. What could be simpler?

I am not the author of this post. Many thanks to the fine folks at eHarmony for the sponsor!

Posted at: 10:47 am by |Filed Under: dating | sponsored post | 2 Comments
February 8, 2013

maybe it’s time to move elsewhere

The northeast is currently bracing itself for yet another winter storm, reminding us all that there is virtually no reason to live in this part of the country. Okay, maybe I’m being dramatic, but I do hope the oncoming blizzard spares those who are still recovering from Sandy.

My commute to work wasn’t so bad this morning. I took my time getting in to the city, grabbed a decaf at Dunkin, and had some winds to contend with. I was grateful I braided my hair so as not to stroll in to the joint with a giant curly mop on my head. I think my coworkers were appreciative of this gesture as well. A few weeks ago, I caught a man in the elevator eating my hair.

I have yet to do any shopping but I did stock up on some extra dog food (Sandy has become a large priority for me, in case you couldn’t tell). The liquor store can expect a visit from me later.

Be safe this weekend, my friends, and try not to step out if you can avoid it. Though we’ll likely all have cabin fever before the beginning of next week rolls around, sometimes there’s nothing wrong with cuddling up with a good read, some movies, and a cup of piping tea.

XOXO

Maximum City

Posted at: 10:44 am by |Filed Under: other | 3 Comments
February 6, 2013

a dose of retail therapy

I have never been a good shopper. Or, I should say, I’m not one to go where the deals are. Because crowds tend to freak me out and I’d much rather go to the dentist than think about waiting on long lines or wrestling people over a $4 bra.

That being said, I decided to venture to the Yoga Bowl at the Nassau coliseum this past weekend with a good friend and patient shopper to check out some of the Lululemon deals. She can get in the fray when I’d much rather chill on the sidelines so she was the perfect companion to scour the racks with. I managed to find shorts, a headband, sweater, jacket, and hoodie and I stayed (mostly) within budget. I’ve taken on a lot of extra freelance work in the past few weeks but what’s a bit of extra cash if I just hoard it, right? This, my friends, is how I will stay in debt forever.

But there was more to this outing than just a reason to bond with a good friend and get some cute Bikram shorts. Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed I’ve been packing on a few extra in my tummy (where I tend to gain most of my weight. Why can’t it go to my ass? I want donkey booty!).

I couldn’t take it anymore; “hibernation chic” isn’t a look I want to master. No more donuts from Cinnamon Snail, the greatest vegan food truck there ever was. No more late night snacking. No more lazy evenings spent on the couch in front of the space heater. There will be more walks with the dog, more yoga practice, and a desire to lead an active and healthy lifestyle.

So far, the shopping splurge has helped me stay motivated. I did a workout DVD that totally kicked my ass the other night (thanks, Jillian Michaels), I’ve ordered a Living Social deal to a local gym, and I’ve been monitoring my eating habits closely (goodbye, cookie butter from Trader Joe’s. What, are you trying to kill me?!).

As much as I’d love to shed the extra tummy weight, what I really want to do is remember how great it feels to have more energy, feel fit and sexy once again, and find strength and balance on a yoga mat.

It’s the greatest gift I could ever give to myself.

Have you ever splurged on fitness wear to motivate you to stay in shape? Did it help? Please tell me in the comments below!

This photo was taken by Shar of Movements by Shar. Check her out; she is AH-MAY-ZING!

Posted at: 10:00 am by |Filed Under: other | yoga | , , , 10 Comments
February 4, 2013

Dating resolutions for Valentine’s Day

I am not the author of this post. Many thanks to the fine folks at eHarmony for the sponsor! Also, if you have the chance, please show some love to sweet Gia for this post which made me all verklempt this morning.

2013 is flying by and chances are many of us have already abandoned our New Year’s resolutions. For anyone looking to make changes to their love life, Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity to rekindle any broken promises that you made. With February 14th fast approaching, here is a look at some top dating resolutions for inspiring a new year of love in 2013, from expanding your social circle by signing up to a free dating website to breaking your usual dating patterns.

1. Forget your “type”

If you tend to be unlucky in love and are determined to change things, then now is the perfect time to start looking past your usual type. This doesn’t mean lowering your standards or dating people you aren’t interested in.

What it does mean is forgetting the silly relationship prejudices and preferences we create in our minds, whether it’s tall, dark, and handsome or something else entirely. Letting go of these dating categories also means letting go of superficiality and instead gauging people by the qualities that matter: their personality.

2. Take a chance

If someone has caught your eye at work or maybe the gym, now is the perfect chance to ask them out. It’s worthwhile laying down some foundations first, like having a chat and getting to know them a little better.

But all the casual chatting in the world won’t secure you a date unless you put yourself out there and take a risk. It doesn’t need to be a grand romantic gesture-–sometimes something as simple as coffee and cake works just fine.

3. Break a pattern

It’s not uncommon to find yourself in the same old dating patterns. If this cycle inevitably ends with a break-up, then this year is a chance to break the mold. If you’re attracted to the wrong people, then it’s time to start looking for singles who share your interests, values, and above all, your attitude to romance. Valentine’s Day is the perfect chance to start discovering people who share your core romantic values, be it passionate love or a carefree dating experience.

4. Open up your social circle

We’ve all thought from time to time that there are no eligible bachelors (or bachelorettes) in the place you’re living. Chances are that’s because we spend time in the same social circles. From work to socializing to sporting teams, it’s not uncommon to see the same familiar faces week in and week out.

An excellent Valentine’s Day romantic resolution is to start expanding your social group and meet new people. This could be through joining a mixed sporting team or learning a new hobby. Not only will you encounter new friendly faces, you’ll also start bonding with people who share your interests. Looking for love online via a dating site is another great way to discover a world of like-minded singles in your local area.

5. Don’t settle for anything less than true happiness

2013 might be the year for finally discovering love, but it doesn’t mean you should settle for anything less than true happiness. Your ultimate Valentine’s Day dating resolution-–whether you make it this year or in the future-–is to always aim for a truly loving and meaningful relationship.

Posted at: 10:38 am by |Filed Under: dating | sponsored post | 2 Comments
February 1, 2013

Signazon

Have you ever watched someone on TV accept one of those oversized checks and wondered where on Earth they print those things? And what they do with them after the camera crew is gone (sometimes there is no limit to the senseless things I obsess over)? I recently had the chance to do a review of Signazon, a company that not only creates those giant checks, but also specializes in high-quality signs of all kinds, canvas prints, step-and-repeat backdrops, banners, stickers, baby and wedding invitations, window graphics, and more at affordable prices. What’s more, they are currently offering an assortment of custom signs and banners in honor of Valentine’s Day in case you’re planning on going big with a surprise (GAH! That’s less than two weeks away, isn’t it?).

Signazon allows its users to get as creative as possible with their brand messaging and materials. The site is extremely user friendly, with online designers to help you create whatever you need in a matter of minutes. If you’re a business owner looking to spread the word about your venture, this may be just the company for you. And if you aren’t in the market for a sign, but could you use a bit of exposure for your blog or online business, check out some of their magnets, stickers, business cards, and calendars which you can have specially personalized. I know many of you are heading to your first blog conferences this year; why not stand apart from the crowd with stickers to hand out instead of the usual business cards? Or maybe postcards advertising your services?

You can also use Signazon to create a birthday banner or an outdoor sign (for those of you who actually have retail space for your business). Check them out and let me know what you think in the comments section!

All opinions expressed herein are entirely my own. This post was sponsored by Signazon.

Posted at: 9:46 am by |Filed Under: other | product review | sponsored post | 1 Comment
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