Oh, Bi the Way

– Posted in: featured

I’d like to give a very warm welcome to my dear friend Lauren who blogs over at Shooting Stars Mag. Not only is she a dear blog friend, she’s also an incredibly supportive addition to our Peaceful Posse group and just a wonderful human being in general. I’m so excited to share this personal story of hers here on my blog today and hope you’ll join me in giving her a very warm pixie welcome as she discusses her journey and self-discovery on identifying as bisexual.

Take it away, Lauren!

***

I didn’t fully come out as bisexual until late 2016; it hasn’t even been a full year. In fact, it was the night of the 2016 election. To be upfront, I voted for Hillary Clinton and when it seemed like Donald Trump was going to win, I was scared for everyone that identified as LGBT+, especially due to the vice-president nominee, Mike Pence. That night, I came out on Facebook (before then, only three people knew). This is what I wrote:

We can’t nominate someone whose vice president believes in conversion therapy and has fought for years to take away LGBT+ rights. Oh, and I guess this is a good time to mention that I identify as bisexual. Not exactly a wonderful coming out, but I feel like I have to stand up in some way for all those people that will be more persecuted than I will if Trump wins…
and even if he doesn’t. It should not be this close, America.

Obviously, we know that he did win, but what I thought was amazing is that after I posted this, so many of my friends and family members liked it, commented, or reached out in another way. These included people that I know voted for Trump, but they stood with me and that meant a lot.

Before this grand coming out, I had only told three people – as I mentioned above. I didn’t grow up feeling different or wondering about my sexuality. To be honest, I didn’t come out to anyone until my mid-twenties. I wasn’t keeping it a secret; it’s just that I didn’t realize it. I fully support LGBT+ people, but when it came to myself, I didn’t question things a lot. I’d always been attracted to guys but I’d never dated anyone – guy or girl. It wasn’t until college that I really started to notice girls more and develop crushes, but again, this still didn’t register much for me. I suppose at the time, I saw it more as “I want to be their friend” and not “I want to date them” but I eventually figured it out. Some of those girls I’d been attracted to in college? I was attracted to them, as more than just a friend.

I think it’s important to realize that identifying as LGBT+ isn’t always cut and dry, especially when you’re bisexual. Yes, you’re attracted to both guys and girls but that doesn’t mean it’s split down the middle 50/50. I’m attracted to more guys than girls, but that doesn’t negate that I’m attracted to girls. I could see myself dating – and even marrying – either gender. While I assume most people in my life know I’m bisexual after that Facebook post, it’s not something I regularly talk about with people, so I’m sure there are still those who aren’t aware. That’s okay though – they can find out or not; it doesn’t matter to me. After all, it doesn’t define who I am as a person.

19 Comments… add one
Lecy | A Simpler Grace September 5, 2017, 10:21 AM

This is such a powerful post, Lauren, and thank you for speaking out. I’ve always noticed with some of my friends who identify as bi that often people think they call themselves that because they can’t make up their mind. You’re so right when you say it’s not cut and dry. There are no set lines when it comes to your identity. It is definitely a sad time to be in any sort of marginalized group in this country and I’m trying to do my part to support my LGBT+ friends in the community as a whole. <3

Beth September 5, 2017, 10:48 AM

Thank you for sharing your experience Lauren, I am a supporter of LGBT+ but there is still so much I need to learn so I can be an even better supporter. It helps to know different people’s stories and where they are coming from. So much love to you, especially in these crazy days in this country right now.

ShootingStarsMag September 5, 2017, 12:12 PM

Thank you so much for having me today, Charlotte! And thanks to the comments so far – I do appreciate it. 🙂

-Lauren

Shann Eva September 5, 2017, 2:37 PM

I think it was very courageous of you to come out on the night of the election…and very important. I’m so happy you had so many supporters. You can count me in as one too 🙂

Kimberly Airhart September 5, 2017, 3:08 PM

Thank you for sharing. As someone who has dated both genders I can relate to your statement about it not being cut and dry. I hated being labeled. You are awesome!! I love when people are who they are!

San September 5, 2017, 3:12 PM

Good for you, Lauren, for being open and honest about such a (still) sensitive subject. I support all LGBT friends 100%.

Akaleistar September 5, 2017, 8:52 PM

Lauren is awesome!

lisa thomson September 5, 2017, 9:54 PM

Hi Lauren, I love this post for so many reasons. Your pure acceptance of your sexuality will certainly encourage others to be the same. I like that your turning point for coming out was the election. Isn’t it interesting the events that act as catalysts to our truth? Trump being elected could certainly evoke fear for LGBT+ community. I think you’re brave for writing about your bisexuality. I also think the more open people are about this, the more accepting and ‘normal’ it is. Thanks for hosting Lauren, Charlotte.

Lisa September 6, 2017, 8:36 PM

Hi, Lauren! Kudos to you for sharing! I’m like a good bra – 100% support!

Kristen @ Metaphors and Moonlight September 7, 2017, 4:48 PM

Sorry your coming out wasn’t quite how you wanted it to be, but it sounds like it mostly worked out for the best since many people were supportive! More and more lately I’ve been hearing about people not realizing their sexuality until adulthood, so you’re not alone there. I’m glad you figured it out and are comfortable with it, and the LGBT+ community will always have my support 🙂

Madalyn @ Novel Ink September 8, 2017, 10:13 AM

Thanks so much for sharing, Lauren! I had a pretty similar experience coming to terms with my bisexuality– I literally had no clue and never even thought to question my sexuality until my freshman year of college. I totally maintain that coming to terms with your sexuality comes with an added layer of difficulty when you’re attracted to multiple genders, especially when one of those genders is seen as the default in society (i.e. bi women who are attracted to men). Congrats on being out! You definitely have my support.

Lindsay September 9, 2017, 10:32 AM

Wow, Lauren. Your story and truth is powerful and I hope it inspires others to come out or feel more comfortable about their sexuality. Nothing at all is cut and dry and you know what? As long as you’re happy, gender doesn’t matter at all. 🙂 I only wish everyone would see it that way instead of labeling everything and everyone in this world.
xo

Braine September 10, 2017, 8:58 PM

I just had a brief discussion with my boyfriend about all this controversy regarding being LGBT. The bigots condemn the group for living a sinful or abnormal life. Meanwhile, a lot of them have committed adultery, dip their wicks in odd places, and whatever “justifiable” perversion they can come up with.

So more power to you. As long as you’re happy and not being a total asshole, I think it doesn’t matter who and how you love.

Karen Blue September 10, 2017, 10:09 PM

I am also bisexual, I just happen to be married to a man at this time, but I have had many relationships with women. I don’t know if I had a “coming out” but I have been attracted to both sexes since elementary school. I think the most important thing is to be comfortable in your own skin with what you find attractive.
Thanks for sharing your story Lauren!

Verushka September 11, 2017, 6:31 AM

Oh Lauren, I can’t imagine what it must have been like making that post on such an occasion last year, Thank you for sharing 🙂

Tamara September 11, 2017, 8:16 PM

I love how you came out, and got support.
It’s powerful.
Kudos to you! We have fought so hard and for so long for these rights, and I haven’t given up hope.

Lisa Mandina (Lisa Loves Literature) September 13, 2017, 9:01 PM

Thanks for sharing your story Lauren! I have many, many friends who are gay or transgender, or fit somewhere in the LGBTQ world, and I definitely support them as they are more than just that definition of one aspect of their lives. I didn’t realize that was when you had come out, that is such a big night to have done that.

Lola September 16, 2017, 4:41 PM

Thanks for sharing your story Lauren! I always wondered if you were LBGT because you focus so much on that on one of your blogs. I think it’s also interesting you pointed out that things aren’t 50/ 50. I think with a lot of things it’s more a scale than one or the other.

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