The ones who broke my heart

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I’m not sure where this post fits in. Or why the thought suddenly came to me that I had to write about this very topic, but well, yes. Maybe I do actually know. Because two of those heartbreakers recently came back into my life. But more on that later.

When we think about heartache, we tend to associate it with the great loves of our lives—those late-night trysts that suddenly end, the ghosting boyfriend who disappears without a trace in the middle of the night. Sure, I’ve had my share of those over the years, but they’re not really the ones I think about when I remember the shards and remains of a heart left broken.

Sometimes the heartache isn’t the result of a man at all.

Let’s start at the beginning.

My neighbor. The first person who ever showed interest but then teased me relentlessly about my hand-me-down fashions and curly hair. He sent me home sobbing one day when my outfit wasn’t cool enough for the school bus.

The first man I ever slept with. I was young, he was charming, and the story ends rather unremarkably. But then? It was an epic sobfest, and it took a while to recover.

The infamous ex. Or, as I like to refer to him, Fuckface. Not to be confused with my friend’s Fuckface (she coined the term when referring to her ex-husband. He really was a Grade A Fuckface). This was my first true love. He did all the wrong things, in a not-so-nice way, playing with my emotions and trampling on my heart and ego. He hurt me deeply and in a way that I am grateful to have only experienced once in my lifetime.

My college roommate. She will live on in my memory as one of my very favorite people to ever walk the earth, ever. She introduced me to Phish and we roadtripped and saw more live shows together than I could count. I relied on her for everything. But, as is often the case, we had a falling out over post-its (name that reference) and our friendship has been on shaky ground ever since. Mostly that’s on me but I still miss her.

This friend.

My old boss. She became a sister to me while we worked together and someone I confided in quickly. We just gelled in a way that girlfriends later in life (and in work situations) rarely do. There was mutual respect, appreciation, and the love of kindred spirits. And then she disappeared from my life as quickly as she came and it hurt my heart something fierce.

I like to think that all these heartbreakers came into my life for a reason. And though I don’t speak to many of those people any longer, they have all left an imprint and have made my spins around the sun a bit more meaningful and worthwhile.

“Remember that you have a choice in what you see. If you choose to see a person’s darkness, you strengthen your darkness within. If you choose to see their light, you shine from the inside out.”–Gabrielle Bernstein

What (or who) are some of your heartbreakers? Let me know in the comments. XOXO

14 Comments… add one
ShootingStarsMag May 10, 2017, 10:12 AM

I love this post. I’ve never dated anyone, so my heartbreaks weren’t connected to that. However, I’ve had it happen with friends and it’s just as tough. I often think I miss them, but sometimes I realize that I don’t really – I miss the old them, or the memories we made.

-Lauren

Beth May 10, 2017, 10:15 AM

Oh I relate to this so much. I had a friend/mentor that I had a falling out with a few years ago and I still miss her. I have another friend that let me down and we went separate ways as well. Both of those people still come into my mind pretty frequently. I think friendship heartbreaks are often harder to get over than romantic ones. But they do shape who we are and are part of our story. Love to you pretty lady!

Divya May 10, 2017, 1:31 PM

I had a similar story with my college roommate. She was my best friend from high school but we made the mistake of living together during college when everyone is transitioning into new versions of themselves and change didn’t end up well for our friendship.

I miss our friendship and I wonder what would happen if we were to ever pick it back up again. There are definitely no hard feelings – we just went different ways and moved on.

Shann Eva May 10, 2017, 1:44 PM

This post made my heart ache. I often wonder about why some people are only in our lives for such a little while, and I hope the reason presents itself someday. I know that it does shape us, but it definitely still hurts and I miss them. Although, I’d rather miss them, than not ever have known them, so that’s something, right? Much love and hugs to you Charlotte!

Tamara May 10, 2017, 2:30 PM

The reference is Sex and the City, right?? Because I love that reference.
I’ve had a lot of minor heartbreaks and one awful, awful, awful one. Such is the way!

Dani May 10, 2017, 3:17 PM

I feel like it hurts deeper and longer when we break up with friends vs. relationships. My two biggest heartbreaks were friends, and what bothers me most about both of them is that I don’t know WHY they ended. There was no fallout that I recall, they just stopped communicating, and wouldn’t answer (via text or phone call) whenever I reached out, even in the beginning when I was like “Um, did I do something wrong?” So eventually I stopped trying- it was obviously over. But it still hurt(s). Unrelated, I thought the reference was Sex and the City but could be wrong. Anyway, hugs my friend!

alexandra @ my urban family May 10, 2017, 6:05 PM

This hits home over here too. Some of my worst heartbreaks were friends that I still think about every once in awhile. Heartbreak isn’t reserved for romance.

Shybiker May 10, 2017, 7:12 PM

I relate. All too well. Thanks for sharing — it’s nice to hear your stories. Lives are interesting when you look back at them. Mine could fill a book!

lisa thomson May 10, 2017, 7:23 PM

Ooooooh, interesting topic,Charlotte! No. Great topic. I like that you’ve shared a variety of people who all had various roles in your life. We learn something from everyone who leaves us. I love that saying people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
I had a friend who broke my heart many years ago then we rekindled our friendship, only to have her do the same thing. We bonded (and re-bonded) quickly so I was taken by her twice. I also was extremely heart broken when a friend dumped me when I needed her. I was going through a really tough part of my divorce. She and her husband had been my friends for almost twenty years so it was a terrible loss when she cut me off without an explanation. Later her husband reached out on facebook. Oddly, she and I have not truly reconnected. Her husband who I adored as well, passed away a year ago. I wrote a post about him but have not published it…maybe I will one day. Sorry this is so long.

jenn May 10, 2017, 7:54 PM

i love that quote. it’s beautiful.

as for your question, i think this post of mine covers the brunt of them: http://www.smartassdirect.com/2015/10/what-i-dont-want.html.

Kristi @ Mi Vida Ocupada May 11, 2017, 8:59 AM

It happens 🙁
My biggest heartbreaker was my BFF of many years. She betrayed my confidence over a really big deal and I felt I was never truly able to trust her again. I still miss her and our friendship.

JEB Greenberg May 11, 2017, 12:32 PM

Love this post. All can relate in some way. Also, loved the quote at the end. We need to hear things like that.

GiGi Eats May 11, 2017, 8:18 PM

Think? No — heartbreakers are there for a reason! They make you appreciate the people who kick ass in your life that much more! We’ve all had them and it’s great reflect on the crap because again, it makes you realize the awesome that you currently have!

Karen Peterson May 26, 2017, 8:40 PM

Oh man, oh man. I have a few in my own life.

One of them is the guy I dated several years ago that broke up with me via a combination of Facebook relationship status change and an email. A few weeks before that happened, we had actually been out house shopping together. It was the worst break up of my life and took a REALLY long time to get over. The other day, my sister-in-law shared photos from 8 years ago, the day my brother graduated from law school. He was there. The ex. It was the first time I had seen a photo of him in years. And when I saw those pictures, I felt nothing. It’s been 8 years. We broke up not long after that exact day. And it took until just a week or two ago for me to realize that I really am completely over it.

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