I’m not sure where this post fits in. Or why the thought suddenly came to me that I had to write about this very topic, but well, yes. Maybe I do actually know. Because two of those heartbreakers recently came back into my life. But more on that later.
When we think about heartache, we tend to associate it with the great loves of our lives—those late-night trysts that suddenly end, the ghosting boyfriend who disappears without a trace in the middle of the night. Sure, I’ve had my share of those over the years, but they’re not really the ones I think about when I remember the shards and remains of a heart left broken.
Sometimes the heartache isn’t the result of a man at all.
Let’s start at the beginning.
My neighbor. The first person who ever showed interest but then teased me relentlessly about my hand-me-down fashions and curly hair. He sent me home sobbing one day when my outfit wasn’t cool enough for the school bus.
The first man I ever slept with. I was young, he was charming, and the story ends rather unremarkably. But then? It was an epic sobfest, and it took a while to recover.
The infamous ex. Or, as I like to refer to him, Fuckface. Not to be confused with my friend’s Fuckface (she coined the term when referring to her ex-husband. He really was a Grade A Fuckface). This was my first true love. He did all the wrong things, in a not-so-nice way, playing with my emotions and trampling on my heart and ego. He hurt me deeply and in a way that I am grateful to have only experienced once in my lifetime.
My college roommate. She will live on in my memory as one of my very favorite people to ever walk the earth, ever. She introduced me to Phish and we roadtripped and saw more live shows together than I could count. I relied on her for everything. But, as is often the case, we had a falling out over post-its (name that reference) and our friendship has been on shaky ground ever since. Mostly that’s on me but I still miss her.
My old boss. She became a sister to me while we worked together and someone I confided in quickly. We just gelled in a way that girlfriends later in life (and in work situations) rarely do. There was mutual respect, appreciation, and the love of kindred spirits. And then she disappeared from my life as quickly as she came and it hurt my heart something fierce.
I like to think that all these heartbreakers came into my life for a reason. And though I don’t speak to many of those people any longer, they have all left an imprint and have made my spins around the sun a bit more meaningful and worthwhile.
“Remember that you have a choice in what you see. If you choose to see a person’s darkness, you strengthen your darkness within. If you choose to see their light, you shine from the inside out.”–Gabrielle Bernstein
What (or who) are some of your heartbreakers? Let me know in the comments. XOXO