a pink slip for the holidays

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marilynYesterday started just like any other ordinary rainy day Wednesday. Except that from the moment I woke up, I knew things would be different. Unlike most days when I go for a walk, feed the dog in haste, and sit down to check my emails, I decided to enjoy the peace and stillness of a good book (Attachments by Rainbow Rowell in case you were wondering) and a hot cup of coffee. For the first time, I noticed a tree branch drenched in shiny rain droplets.

So much beauty on an otherwise cloudy and miserable morning, I thought.

My phone started chirping almost immediately.

“Charlotte, check your email.”

It sounds so trite to say that I had a premonition of bad things to come but I knew in the pit of my stomach what was waiting for me.

I jumped up from my comfy nest on the couch and began scanning my emails to find the one that mattered.

“Going in a different direction…”

“We are not going to be moving forward with your services…”

“Appreciate the work you have done….”

So that’s it. Three weeks to Christmas and I was getting an email from my boss to tell me that I would soon be out of a job; that my livelihood has an expiration date.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, and I haven’t been able to make much sense of it since. After my last blog post I knew I had to take my career in a different direction. But dammit, I wanted to be the one to make that decision.

This morning my parents called and I gave them the scoop.

“Chah-lotte,” my mother drawled in her thick, German accent, “von door closes and ze ozer opens, ya?”

My father on the other hand sat quietly on the other end.

“I worry for you,” he said at last when I had finished spilling all the gory details.

And just like that, my heart shattered in a million tiny pieces.

Somehow, that hurt more than the actual news itself.

23 Comments… add one
Rachel Cotterill December 4, 2014, 10:55 AM

I’m with your mum on this one. You’re going to use this to make something better happen. But, *hugs*, I totally know what you mean about wanting to be the one making the decision (like any breakup!), and it’s not great timing with Christmas on the horizon. xoxo

carma December 4, 2014, 11:07 AM

from your previous post, it sounded as if you had a gut feeling it was time to move on. They provided the extra push that may have been what you needed so that you can take advantage of better opportunities that life has in store for you and I know they are out there. Such is my positive spin on things. Your dad need not worry. You are smart and talented and will thrive in the long run….

Krysten December 4, 2014, 11:47 AM

Okay. Losing a job sucks. Take it from someone who knows. But from talking to you I also know you weren’t the happiest with this job. So I agree with your mom. Take this as life telling you that something else is out there… and go find it.

Love you lady.

Simone December 4, 2014, 12:36 PM

I went through this same thing a few months ago. It wrecked my confidence for awhile. One of my freelance contracts is about to be up in a week, so I’m about to be back in the same boat. I learned a lot from how that went down and what to do in the future to safeguard my finances but most importantly my feelings. People (and pets) naturally gravitate towards you.I believe you’ll be more than fine. ((hugs))

Galit Breen December 4, 2014, 12:47 PM

Oh you, I’m so sorry this happened. I believe in you, though. You’ve got this. I’m cheering for you from here! xo

Brian December 4, 2014, 2:07 PM

I’m so sorry to hear that, but we all get fired, it just means its time to start moving closer to where you need to be.

Jen December 4, 2014, 2:23 PM

I’m so sorry! But I do agree with your mom on this one. Keep your head up. Things will work out!

beth December 4, 2014, 2:28 PM

I am so sorry to hear about this. It is hard to realize now but I am sure you will be happier in the long run. These things always happen for a reason. I was let go from my previous gig after 10 years. I am so thankful now even though i was devastated then. I needed them to push me out to find this way better gig i have now. I hope the same for you.

Jen December 4, 2014, 2:28 PM

I’m so sorry to hear this. I agree with your mom on this one. Everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up! Things will work out.

Diane December 4, 2014, 2:48 PM

Charlotte… I am so sorry about the job. I remember going into a meeting expecting some really good news, only to learn, “we’re going in a different direction” as well. One always wants to be in the driver’s seat…

The words of your father touched my heart. It sounds like he loves you so very much. You are so blessed.

Sending virtual hugs your way…

Olivia December 4, 2014, 5:00 PM

Hey Charlotte,
So sorry to hear that. I received the same bad news just this Wednesday. I knew it was coming but I wanted to try and wait till things turn around for the better. Apparently, not so. Other jobs are still active, and I thought I was prepared for it, but when you actually hear it, it still hurts a bit… Goodluck and happy holidays to you and your family.
Better things are coming!

Jolene December 4, 2014, 8:33 PM

Ohh Charlotte
I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s crazy how our intuition kicks in and warns us that something is a bit off…..I was there a few months ago, I had a “feeling” I might be next on the chopping block…even a hour before the dreaded moment I had a feeling that I would be let go.
But…looking back, I wasn’t happy there….and was just wasting time until something better came around.
and …..even though at the time I couldn’t see the positive or the silver lining about losing my job, it actually gave me time to regroup and find a job that was more suited for me.
*sending positive thoughts your way!!!

Tamara December 4, 2014, 10:02 PM

My librarian told me that “Attachments” is wonderful.
Moving on, I’m so sorry. And yes, hearing the parental worry is so much worse than anything.
And the sting itself.. I have been there. Like your mom says, doors do open. It takes some time but they open.

Jill December 4, 2014, 10:21 PM

I’m so sorry for your job loss. I know how scary and shocking this can be. It happened to me about a year and a half ago. I was so unhappy there though and prob would have never walked away on my own so it was really a blessing. I’m still figuring out my life but am much happier to be away from that environment. Just take it easy in yourself as you figure out your next steps!

Akaleistar December 5, 2014, 7:58 PM

Sorry to hear about your job, but I’m a firm believer in other doors opening. Sometimes you have to be pushed through those other doors.
I’ve recently felt the parental sting as well, and boy, does that hurt… but, I think they mean well…

My Inner Chick December 6, 2014, 11:55 AM

–Hi, I agree w/ your mother: “von door closes and ze ozer opens”
You may not see it now, but you WILL.
Love and hugs from MN. xxxoo

Ronnica, Striving Stewardess December 6, 2014, 11:29 PM

So sad you didn’t get the support you wanted. I’ve been there (we probably all have)…may this season pass quickly for you!

lisa thomson-the great escape December 8, 2014, 11:46 AM

Oooh, I’m so sorry Charlotte. This is a huge transition and unwanted at that. I’m with your mother on this, she’s right! I’m sure your father meant it in a loving way. I know my kids don’t like it when I worry about them. It makes them think I don’t trust them or have faith in them. Of course, I always do 🙂 Hope you’re doing okay and coming to terms with all the new possibilities.

Allyson December 9, 2014, 8:10 AM

Oh luv. I am so sorry to hear that. It’s so hard to get that news, even if you are in agreement. I hate that you didn’t get a chance to leave on your own terms. And while your mom is right, it’s not what you want to hear when it’s still fresh. I hope things have improved by now. I hope a door (or a window) is starting to open. And I don’t worry for you because you are resilient and strong beyond belief and you will come out on the other side even better than before. It’s the middle part that sucks. 🙁

Tracy December 11, 2014, 8:46 PM

Oh, Charlotte. Ugh. And a huge hug. I’m going to channel Marilyn Monroe on this one: “…sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

catherine December 12, 2014, 4:16 PM

we’ve all been there! big hug, my friend. i know you will get through this and come out even stronger. thinking of you. xoxo!

Liz December 14, 2014, 8:58 PM

*hugs* to you, Charlotte! I know you’re going to end up just fine (because look how awesome you are!), but I know how nerve-wracking it can be. If you can take the time to figure out what you want to do, that’d be great. But if you just need to do a “day job” so you can follow your real passions, whether that’s shelter advocate or vegetarian cookbook ghostwriter, that’s OK too. You’ve always made the best of situations (how long did we survive the monster?), so I know you’ll be OK.

trininista December 19, 2014, 5:24 PM

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. Make your new beginning, Charlotte. Dust yourself off, cry, scream and start again. (hugs)

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