la bella luna

– Posted in: dating, Eat Pray Love journey

Moonlight

I haven’t felt much of an urge to write lately. Every now and then, words fail me, even when my mind is humming with frenetic fever. Then on Friday, I sat on the edge of a flower bed on Church Street, my new favorite location in Montclair, and I spilled my thoughts to Google Keep. Silently I sat and reflected on what is, what’s been, and what’s soon to come.

I’ve been relatively quiet here because I’ve had a hard time with life lately. As excited as I was about a new beginning with Bryan, I worried about our future. How was it that two perfectly functioning human beings with a similar outlook on life couldn’t find common ground to stand on? I fretted and tried to think of an appropriate eulogy to sum up our time together. We were beyond repair, I told myself, and I turned him into the enemy. I analyzed everything he said and convinced myself that after two years, he must’ve fallen out of love with me. Surely I would be strong enough to weather another breakup and heartache.

Then one evening we went outside and saw each other in the moonlight… raw, yet tender. Something I said sat with him a moment longer than I had expected and he reached out to hug me. I sobbed. In that one moment, I let go of bitter anger and resentment.

Who knew that what I really wanted all this time was a hug–a reason to believe we were more than just passing ships and roommates. I melted into his arms, grateful for a chance to see the softer side of Bryan I had fallen in love with.

It was yet another reminder that love–like life–is full of hardships and challenges.

This weekend was a busy one with lots of family obligations. When my parents came to visit us in the new digs for the first time, I could tell how happy they were about our new life together. I thought about how my very own parents–two incredibly different people–could still be together all these years, and all I could come up with was one word:

Work.

Without a bit of pain, some work, and relentless energy, I would never appreciate the light and the meaning in a bella luna.

10 Comments… add one
catherine gacad August 20, 2013, 1:06 PM

Charlotte, relationships are not easy. You are so right that they are about hard work. It can be easy to fall into the trap of disenchantment and think, oh this isn’t working, we’re not meant to be together. No! Even after the wedding cake is cut and the honeymoon is over, all relationships are vulnerable! They are hard, they take work. Don’t let anyone or what your perception is of other relationships make you think differently. You’ve got the right attitude.

Rachel Cotterill August 20, 2013, 1:40 PM

Sharing space with another person (or frankly any living creature) is always going to have some challenges – and require some compromises. I’m glad you didn’t let yourself give up just because you had a difficult moment xxx

Krysten August 20, 2013, 4:08 PM

Being with someone, really BEING with them, definitely takes work, especially when you’re sharing a space with them. I think the key is communicating with each other and making sure that you’re on the same page.

I know when Iz and I first moved in together I felt like he was on top of me all the time. I’m used to having space for myself and at first I felt really smothered. It was so hard to tell him that because I didn’t want to hurt him, but I also knew I would hurt us both if I didn’t say anything.

Being is love is great. But it’s not always sunshine and puppies. If it’s worth it you’ll find ways to get through the hard stuff together.

And if you ever need to talk or vent or whatever you know you can email or call or text me. I’m here for you!

Bonda August 21, 2013, 2:46 PM

Relationships are fickle things sometimes. They are full on contradictories…we crave feeling comfortable with each other, familiarity and stability and yet at the same time we still crave that feeling of new and exciting and mysterious and it’s very hard to satisfy all of those cravings at once. But that balance can be found if both work for it. Nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy.

Karen Peterson August 21, 2013, 7:37 PM

I’m glad things are better for you now. Relationships really do take work. Maybe I’m really too lazy for one.

Mrs. Match August 24, 2013, 5:33 PM

I’m glad you’re both doing better. You’re so right about relationships taking work. What has always helped us is getting some alone time, and not being afraid to ask for it. Also not forgetting to still date each other. An easy thing to forget when you’re cohabitating.

Blond Duck August 26, 2013, 7:31 AM

I’m so glad everything is working out. Sometimes, you’ve just got to fight for it.

MissyMo August 26, 2013, 10:45 PM

That is some deep sharing. I have to agree with you about how much work relationships are. Also, I have found in my 13 years of being married that making a choice to love is important. There are those moments that are so difficult. Coming through the other side is such a relief.

Blond Duck August 28, 2013, 7:31 AM

Happy Wednesday!

trininista September 1, 2013, 9:56 PM

Awww hon. You have to take it day by day, moment by moment. Love is no cake walk, as they say, but with the commitment to work at it, I think you will be okay. Less worry, more working to enjoy those beautiful moments.

Leave a Comment