Ladies, get a hold of yourselves

– Posted in: dating


If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, then you know about my unhealthy (and slightly embarrassing) addiction to reality TV, which I watch for research purposes only (yea, right).

Recently I started tuning in to Long Island Princesses because, hey! I have friends and family out on Long Island–some of whom happen to be Jewish–it’s on Bravo, and I love any TV show with high levels of feigned drama.

This admission may rob Bryan once and for all of his man card, but he has watched the show with me on a few occasions, if only because he enjoys making running commentary whenever it’s on (plus, I think he may have a thing for sassy Joey). Our conversations tend to sound a little something like this:

Me: “These bitches are crazy. It’s like, life is over for them because they’re in their late 20s and haven’t met a NJB (nice Jewish boy) yet.”

Bryan: “Seriously. You must feel like a dinosaur.”

He’s such an ass sometimes.

So the other day we settled in to watch the episode where Chanel becomes completely unhinged simply because her baby sister is getting married. Chanel is all of 28 years old, so clearly, there is no hope left that she will ever find another man. *eye roll*

What made matters worse, is that the people around her (mainly her family members) didn’t do anything to dispel her of this belief; they simply added to her anxieties about not finding a man to spend the rest of her life with.

It made me think of the people I’ve always kept close in my inner circle–the friends and family I relied on when I was feeling down about not meeting someone I jived with. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s, but they were errors in judgment I would never trade in. They taught me invaluable lessons about love and life and gave me the insight I needed to know when a shoe fits. Had I settled for the sake of getting married, I would be very unhappily divorced today. Please don’t get it twisted–I have many friends who never would have imagined that they would one day get divorced, and they all entered marriage believing (rightfully so) that their relationships would last forever. What I’m trying to say is that age, society, and misguided friends and family members should never dictate where you SHOULD be in life. There are no rules here and only you know what’s best for you. Take all the time you need to figure it out.

At the ripe and mature age of 33, I met someone I’m happy to spend my life with and we are enjoying every phase. That means letting go of assumptions that I will die a spinster and forgoing any fears that I will never have children because my eggs are slowly dying. As the old saying goes, whatever will be, will be. Last night, Bryan and I sat on the sofa in our new apartment and looked up vacation destinations. We are excited to take our first big trip together, and I’ll be damned if anyone tells me I should hurry up and get married already.

Chanel, put on your big girl panties, tell your family to settle down, and enjoy your 20s. This is precious time you’re wasting to figure out who you are and everything you are capable of.

9 Comments… add one
beth July 18, 2013, 11:47 AM

agreed!!! Good for you girl. I have to say while i love crap TV this show gives jewish girls from Long Island such as myself, a bad name. All that aside I too have friends who married young and are now divorcing. There are so many of them! I hate that everyone is in such a rush. I got married at 30 and had my 1st child by 32 but by some standards that was late. Now i get at least 1x a day where is your 2nd kid. Ugh, slow down people!!!! Enjoy your 1st vacation today girl.

Brian July 18, 2013, 11:51 AM

I must say, I appreciate being given the heads up of yet another TV series to avoid like the plague.

Dawnee July 18, 2013, 12:01 PM

Awesome post Charlotte! And HI! I haven’t been around lately… Life! My 24 year old daughter had a bit of a breakdown a week ago because she felt like her life wasn’t going anywhere. She called me crying from a wedding reception…. Our convo went something like this: “Mommy… I’m such a loser! I have nothing to offer anyone! Everyone is married and what am I doing?! – sob sob” ME- “Honey, you’re only 24! You’ve worked since you were 16, you’re going to school to prepare for life… The right guy will be there when it’s time.” OY! Darned society! She’s a tall blonde bombshell with a great head on her shoulders (so very unlike her mama who is short, plump and didn’t figure life out till she was in her 30’s). It seems like things happen and fall into place when you stop focusing on yourself and what you’re missing and just live life. 🙂

Solo @ 30 July 18, 2013, 1:52 PM

Amen, ditch the time clock. You’re ready when you’re ready, and I am extremely grateful for the wisdom gleaned from all my experiences to make me totally ready and appreciative for the amazing relationship I am in now.

That said, someone on Twitter recently put this: “I’m good as long as I never have to switch from following @singleinmy20s to @SoloAt30. I have exactly 9.5 years left! #CrunchTime”

*rolling my eyes* Seriously, girl, you’re worrying about all that at 20??

Krysten July 18, 2013, 3:38 PM

I think for me the only thing that freaks me out about being nearly 30 and unmarried is that I can feel my bio clock ticking. I would love a couple babies but I also want to be married before it happens so… if Izzy could put a ring on it soon that’d be cool.

At the same time, I know 30 is young and it’s not THAT big of a deal. You can’t rush things (I found that out in my first marriage). So I’m just trying to roll with life and let it happen.

Jill July 18, 2013, 9:27 PM

I just recently discovered this train wreck if a show! But I def get down on myself a lot. I’m 34, single, and feel like all my eggs are dying 🙁

Rachel Cotterill July 19, 2013, 6:55 AM

I’ve never heard of this series, but I generally can’t watch reality shows for wanting to hit the TV… ooops. So I try to steer clear of things that make me feel like that, in the interests of a calmer life 😉

Klz July 20, 2013, 7:42 PM

Isn’t it sad the confidantes other people keep?

Karen Peterson July 25, 2013, 11:59 AM

Coming from the LDS culture, which is similar in the whole get-married-young-or-it’s-hopeless mentality, I have to say that keeping that proper perspective is HARD. Especially when everyone around you just adds to the sense that you will NEVER find ANYONE.

And especially when you get to 36 and still haven’t…just sayin’…

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