I had the chance to witness mild flirtation by way of two high school students the other day while out walking Kos. A few feet away from me, a girl dropped her book bag and ran up to (presumably) a boy from her class to bodyslam him unawares (classic move). He turned around, smiled, made a joke, and continued walking down the street.
Until about 30 seconds later when he yelled over his shoulder, “one second, HO!”
Needle on the record.
I’m glad I graduated at a time when boys had at least some semblance of respect for their female classmates. Obviously I won’t hold this boy accountable for all of the scumbag dating stories I’ve been hearing about lately (and there have been quite a few), but I think this is an example of a much bigger problem, and I can’t help but wonder if we have lost touch with what it means to play fair and play nice.
That being said, I had the privilege recently of reading a book on dating entitled Spin Your Web written by Damona Hoffman (aka “Dear Mrs D”), a blogger, writer for Huff Po, and expert on the topic of dating and relationships.
Segmented into useful chapters, this book discusses the rules of online dating, what to wear on a date, what to say/not say on a first date, and what to do when meeting the parents. Essentially, Damona walks you through every piece of the greater puzzle in order to find and maintain a healthy relationship–on and offline. Going back to my previous point, I think it does a really good job of explaining how to be open and honest in a relationship to avoid misunderstanding or a broken heart later. It was a quick and enjoyable read that I devoured in just a few days.
I really enjoyed how incredibly supportive she was of never giving up, which is something I see happen over and over again. So you go on a bad date. We’ve all been there. It’s important to know how to dust yourself off and get back out there. She also reminds readers to be grateful for all of the experiences–good and bad–because they teach us what we should be looking for in a potential partner.
Some of the pearls of wisdom I gleaned from Spin Your Web:
First date: Meet for drinks, stick to one location, and set a cutoff limit. If things are going really well, I don’t see why you have to cut a date short, but making a set plan works best if you enter a date knowing you have an exit strategy.
If you’re interested in someone, don’t be afraid to show it. Amen. This doesn’t need further explanation.
In the beginning, try to see each other no more than twice a week. Pacing yourselves keeps things interesting.
And finally: “Online daters, realize that you are dating–or at least talking to–multiple people. That is the nature of online dating. It’s perfectly acceptable to see multiple people at once as long as you are upfront about being out there and make it clear that you are not yet exclusive with anyone.” I remember this being a touchy subject when Bryan and I started dating, primarily because I was nervous to approach the topic. But honesty is the best policy ALWAYS and I think it’s important to establish this early on in the relationship.
Interested in learning more about the book? Check it out here at Amazon. It’s currently featured in the Amazon Big Deal sale and you can buy it for just 99 cents through the end of May!