An open letter to Patti Stanger

– Posted in: dating

As much as it pains me to admit, I am addicted to all things Bravo TV. If there were some sort of rehab clinic, I might have to check myself in for watching way too many Housewives and for using up all the DVR space with Andy Cohen’s clubhouse. It’s embarrassing. Thank God I found a boyfriend who laughs at my obsession and sits through episodes of Beverly Hills to catch up with the hotties of 90210 (sometimes. Like if there isn’t a “Pawn Stars” marathon on).

Back when I was single, I used to think that Patti Stanger held all the secrets to a happy and healthy relationship. Until I realized that she, too, has struggled to find her own match. But that’s neither here nor there. Just because she’s good at setting up others, doesn’t mean she always follows her own advice, right?

Last week I had some extra time to veg out for a bit and I watched a recent Valentine’s Day clubhouse episode. Andy and Patti in a room discussing love? Yes please.

Patti Stanger

I don’t often agree with Patti, but I love that she tells people exactly what’s on her mind (even though I think she could use a bit more tact). This episode, however, was doing a disservice to the many women (and men) who are currently single.

Patti’s advice to “date nice Jewish men” shouldn’t apply to everyone. And I’m saying this as a partial Jewish girl who has been with quite a few Jewish guys. I am currently dating a wonderfully sweet Dutch man and I wouldn’t trade him in for the world. It’s all about finding the right connection with a person. I know far too many people who have signed up for such sites as JDate only to realize that the only thing they share in common with any of these men is that–Surprise! They’re both Jewish.

A caller phoned in to ask Patti why she advises her clients to dress like whores at the mixers, a question I have pondered once or twice myself. When it comes to choosing what to wear for a first date, I have a very simple rule: wear something comfortable that reflects who you are as a person. Don’t wear high heels? Rock a pair of flats. Not a big fan of skinny jeans? Then find pants that are flattering and make you feel sexy. True story: I once showed up to a first date wearing green cargo pants, a Tinkerbelle t-shirt, and sneakers. I was comfortable and the guy liked me enough to call me for a second date (we ended up dating six years).

At one point, a viewer wanted to know how long to wait to “fart or poop in front of someone you’re dating.” Patti’s advice? Never. Which she then amended to “after five years of marriage.” Maybe millionaires don’t do either of these things (*eye roll*), but it seems ridiculous to perpetuate the notion that women don’t fart/poop and that it’s unladylike to EVER do these things in front of a significant other.

And there you have it. A few reasons why I think Patti Stanger is full of shit (hey-o!). What are your thoughts? Do you watch the Millionaire Matchmaker? Are you obsessed with Bravo?

13 Comments… add one
Jess Downey February 26, 2013, 10:58 AM

I LOVE this post. Really. You’ve said many of the things I have thought while watching that show. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I do enjoy it for the entertainment value. But I honestly don’t think she gives realistic advice for people trying to date. I also love your advice on what to wear. I wrote a post about my confession that I wear pants on a date after I saw a Twitter date chat giving the advice that you should always wear a dress and heels (I should link to the post, but I can’t find it!!). I think it’s more about being comfortable with what you wear. And, honestly, I think most parts of dating are about being who you are and being comfortable. We are all going to find out the truth about each other anyway.

Glamamom February 26, 2013, 11:19 AM

I don’t watch Millionaire Matchmaker but I do love me some Housewives and Rachel Zoe. Love is complicated and I think those most willing to listen to that type of advice are vulnerable and willing to try anything. The simple fact is, there are no rules. I’ve seen people fall in love, get married, have kids, get divorced, etc under all kinds of circumstances. Your advice to be yourself and be comfortable is the only thing that makes sense.

Krysten February 26, 2013, 3:10 PM

I’ve seen her show and although I find it entertaining I think she’s a little ridiculous. Maybe she and I just don’t think the same things are important. I don’t know but I don’t think I’d ever follow her advice!

P.S. The first time I met Izzy I was in a white tank top and PJ pants lol.

Caren with a C February 26, 2013, 3:22 PM

I haven’t seen her show. But like you, my advice is to just be yourself. If you aren’t, then it will catch up with you or you will get into something you don’t want to be in.

a happier girl February 26, 2013, 10:26 PM

I stayed in a hotel recently and I was completely confused that their television that supposedly included all of the basic cable channels didn’t get Bravo. What the hey. Love love love Andy Cohen and the clubhouse. My favorite was in the fall when Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos were on reenacting scenes from RHONJ. So funny.

Brian February 27, 2013, 7:27 AM

Millionaires or celebrities don’t live by the same rules/reality that the rest of us do.

Girl with a New Life February 27, 2013, 12:32 PM

I like that Patti speaks her mind even though she knows how controversial she is.

Does dressing super sexy work in attracting a hubby? The jury is still out.

Blond Duck February 27, 2013, 10:18 PM

I used to like her, but I’m kind of tired of her now.

Gia February 28, 2013, 4:01 AM

Girl, I have guilty pleasures a mile long. Bravo doesn’t make the cut, though errrryone keeps telling me to on board, but the Bachelor (i know, i know) certainly does. lol. As for her advice, I think trying to maintain the illusion that you’re anything but human can only backfire in the end.

Kimberly February 28, 2013, 12:58 PM

I met my husband when I was sweating it up on the volley ball court. I was hot with sand stuck in my hair and other various parts. Our first date was his work party at a race track. What do you wear to a race track? I wore jeans…he wore a suit. It was a match made in heaven.
I have no idea who that woman is but I will say that I do enjoy doing a dutch oven on my husband.

Mrs. Match March 5, 2013, 7:55 PM

Psshhhh…you should absolutely fart/poop in front of your hubs. Well, I try to poo in private, but Match insists on coming in to talk to me while I’m sitting. He thinks it’s awesome that we’re so comfortable with each other. And let me tell you, it makes labor/delivery so much easier when there is no modesty between husband and wife. I felt completely comfortable with him seeing me at my very very worst. That to me is true love in a nutshell. You at your worst, and he still thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. 🙂

And I totally agree that going for someone just because you’re both from the same background is silly, and sets your sights too narrow. You could miss out on something incredible! I almost did when I set my search on to only guys that were my age or older. Match is 6 months younger…good thing his search was a bit more open minded!

lcriss March 19, 2013, 8:24 PM

The thing that drives me craziest (or up there anyway) is that Patti is constantly telling people to not lead with there money. OOOOkaaaayyy, then why do you recruit hot chicks that are not millionaires for millionaires (or vice-versa)? What is the name of your club? The Millionaire Club is it? Obviously, these guys have money. At the beginning of every mixer, you scream “Are you ready to meeeet my MILLIONAIRES?” Isn’t that the first lead into money, before they even meet the guys/gals? Also, she always wants people to change/morph into her idea of what attractive is. If that were the case, wouldn’t there be no individuality. Some people like different things–that’s what makes the world go round. HAH!

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