One of my favorite reggae bands of all time, Toots and the Maytals, has a song I have heard countless times over the years. It’s such a catchy tune, you almost forget that Toots Hibbert is singing about something incredibly painful and devastating (something that is characteristic of the greatest reggae songs of all time. See also “Vietnam” by Jimmy Cliff).
“Let me tell you time tough…Everything is out of sight, it’s so hard (so hard, so hard, so hard)…Time tough (time tough)…Everything is growing higher and higher (higher and higher)…”
Lately this song has taken on a much different meaning for me. Funny how that happens at various times in our lives, eh?
Money is one of those topics no one ever likes to discuss. If you don’t have it, you hate to give off the impression that you can’t attend certain events and fun life experiences because of financial constraints. And if you find yourself sitting on a lump sum of change, you don’t want to make others feel bad, and so you try to discuss money as infrequently as possible. Lately, I’ve been finding myself in the former predicament. I’m embarrassed to say that at 33 years of age, I am without a pot to piss in.
I stress out as soon as I wake up in the morning and at night before I lay down for bed. I worry about finding enough freelance work to cover the extras. I know that part of my anxiety comes from my location in one of the most expensive parts of the country, but it’s also where my job is located, a job that would pay significantly less in another area.
To compound the problem, I have been mentally preparing myself to have Bryan move in for months. I thought it might help if we could split the bills, the grocery, and the everyday expenses that tend to add up each month. Selfishly, I also wanted him around to help kill giant water bugs, turn the knob on the shower all the way so the hot water doesn’t run, and unlock the bathroom door with a bobby pin when my dumbass closes it behind me (thank you for that, Bryan).
He’s become my best friend, confidante, and rock and I was sincerely hoping that by moving in together, we’d have just a bit more time to see each other (our opposing schedules make that virtually impossible).
But his financial situation is as dire as mine and it doesn’t appear that he can make that happen any sooner. And so we find ourselves prolonging the inevitable “taking our relationship to the next level” phase.
It’s frustrating, but I’m also realizing the pressure is unnecessary. Clearly it’s just not right for us at the moment. And so, I stopped bugging even though my heart aches and I worry when this will happen. There is also a growing concern that we’ll find ourselves in this phase of financial uncertainty for an indefinite part of time.
And that frightens me.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Tell me about it.