It’s funny how memories–both bitter and sweet–attach themselves in the strangest of places. Much as I’ve tried to avoid carrying some things along on my journey in life, it seems the more I’ve struggled to let go of the ghosts in my past, the more I am haunted by them. If you’ve been casually reading my blog for a little while you may know about my love/hate relationship with the town of Hoboken, NJ, where I have been residing for the past five years. If you are a long-term reader and have followed along since the beginning you may know part of the reason for my dislike, which I attribute to creating many memories with an ex who was in my life for the better part of my 20s, someone I haven’t referenced here in many moons (and am much happier for it).
The reason I bring him up now is because I realized he stood in the way of my ability to fully enjoy a location that is a convenient 14-minute PATH train ride away from my home-away-from-home, midtown Manhattan. This tiny square mile city is rich with history (Frank Sinatra began his career here and the game of baseball was invented on the corner of 11th and Washington) and it boasts many adorable shops, great restaurants, and well-kept parks with sweeping views of the city. It is also now home to the TV show The Cake Boss, a bakery that perpetually has a line that stretches around the corner with out-of-towners hoping to catch a glimpse of the famous cake maker and try a cannoli (personally, better pastries are to be had in several of the other local authentic Italian bake shops in town).
It would appear that I have a very special relationship with Hoboken. And it’s not so much that I ever really hated this town, but my love for it waned when the aforementioned long-term relationship crumbled and memories were bitter reminders of what once was. A large part of me wanted to escape the painful moments I remembered when I ate in certain restaurants, when I walked down familiar streets, when I bumped into acquaintances we had mutually befriended.
And then Bryan happened. And I felt stuck here, in a town that held pieces of that other him, the one I never wanted to see again and the one I hated to think about.
Over the past few months, Bryan and Hoboken have waited patiently until I was ready to accept them both in my life again. I began eating in new restaurants and seeing the parks in a different light; creating beautiful memories I never once shared with that other him. Bryan and I enjoy a stillness in this town I have never experienced with anyone else before and it’s something I appreciate on a much deeper level. Walking hand-in-hand and looking at pieces of jewelry at the Art and Music Festival this past weekend and buying artwork that we signed together is something that means more than I could ever adequately express.
I’ve learned a valuable lesson in all this. The ghosts in our past are not meant to harm. They can guide us to true happiness if we just stop fighting and begin to live again.
The beautiful images used in this post were obtained via a Google search of Hoboken. If you click on each one, you will be directed to the owner’s site.
Nicole says
Awww. So nice to hear this. I understand that icky feeling, but just like all the other discomfort caused by the “other him” (love how you put that!!), the disdain for good ole ‘Boken was sure to pass, too.
Nicole says
it’s so great you’re able to find a new appreciation of things with bryan and move beyond the past. valuable lesson indeed. 🙂 lovely photos, btw!
Bonda84 says
Ah…some days I really feel you and I are connected. I’ve been mulling over a post that is somewhat along the same lines. However, I don’t have the awesome pics to post with it 🙂 I”m glad you are finding new love where you are. It certainly looks/sounds like a place that would be fun to visit.
Dawnee says
Awwww, Charlotte! I’m so happy that your ghosts have brought you back around to the beauty of your home! What a wonderful post and the pictures are amazing! I’m so glad you have someone now with whom you can make lasting, wonderful memories right where you are! <3
Pretzel Thief says
Aw, Hoboken looks beautiful! And I’m so glad you’re loving it again, and that you and Bryan both enjoy all of its charms. Yay! Also, my first cousin was in NYC last week (she had a psychology conference in Miami, then went to NYC and San Francisco for pleasure)…I would’ve loved to have been along for the ride, DUH, but seeing as we’re going Europe in August there’s no way that could’ve happened. But one day, maybe next year, we’ll come to NYC and you and I can finally meet…AND have dinner and drinks and roam Manhattan and just have a freakin’ blast! XOXO
Kristen says
You couldn’t have said that any better. We can sometimes feel trapped by our past or try to avoid it all together but then it could lead us to miss out on some very special and amazing things. I’m glad you are letting the sun shine down on Hoboken again and making some new memories!
Blond Duck says
I’m so glad you have new memories!
Gia says
There’s this saying about how there’s no better discovery than falling in love with a place you know through the eyes of someone you care about. It has all the power to eradicate any negative energy and replace it with good vibrations. So happy that’s happening for you! And that you are getting to re-experience your surroundings and fall in love with pieces of it again! XO
Alexandra says
Ahh..
So wise for a young grasshopper.
Really.
Making peace, such rest for the soul.
trininista says
New memories are great…glad you have them and wishing you many more new and amazing ones
nikki hill says
That is so true. We become stronger for the things we have done in the past. We must embrace it and never forget.
(FL) Girl with a New Life says
How beautiful. Every experience is a lesson. And I’m so very happy for all of your new happiness.
Ally says
*sigh* I feel the same way about Louisville, KY. Although it’s a lovely city, I wonder if it is forever marred for me. I’m glad that you and Bryan are discovering a new Hoboken together. And that day by day, the past is being erased and replaced by the new and much, much better!!
Joe says
Isn’t it cool how time can make places and people whole again? Nicely-written!