It was a perfect day to jump in the car and head to upstate New York to meet up with friends and begin drinking at noon. Bryan and I woke up early, enjoyed some breakfast from our favorite local bagel shop, and made our way to Pearl River for bagpipes, a parade, and Irish dancers and baton twirlers. Somewhere on the outskirts of Hoboken in Bryan’s red Mazda last Sunday with Jimmy Cliff playing on the iPod, Bryan and I ping ponged conversations back and forth like school children still learning about each other. And then he innocently said something that took my breath away.
“I would be foolish not to marry you.”
I didn’t know how to respond. With the wind out of my sails, I turned to look out the window in an effort to compose myself, as a smile slowly made its way across my face. I had so many things I wanted to say in that moment but I couldn’t think of a single thing that wouldn’t make me sound like an idiot. And so I took Bryan’s hand in mine and turned to face him.
“That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” were the words that finally escaped my lips. I didn’t care how they sounded. I was melting. Where were we now? Weehawken? Edgewater? The world was a beautiful blur.
And though I did hear the word “marry” in that sentence, it wasn’t what I was focused on (even though it is big news since I’ve never had a boyfriend actually discuss it earnestly with me before). I was stuck on something bigger than that. I have moved beyond just being present in the moment with Bryan; I am beginning to envision a future with him. And despite the fact that we’ve already discussed the possibility of children, hypothetical wedding songs, and where we’d like to live someday, this was the moment when I realized that Bryan was just as serious about us, too.
Cuz life is just a funny dream… and someday, I’ll share this dream with you. Just to be with you, this much I pray… It’s true.
I would be foolish to take a moment of this for granted. And so I enjoyed the feel of the wind in my hair and Bryan’s fingers folded around mine. I smiled at him, thought about my good fortune, and turned to face the world outside. I briefly remembered the many years I had spent worrying if I would ever find love again.
Wouldn’t you know it, the moment I stopped looking was the moment it had found me instead.
So this is what it’s supposed to feel like.
I would just like to add that the accompanying picture has nothing to do with anything. Bryan and I weren’t driving an old bug, nor were we by a body of water. But he does sort of dress like the guy in the photo and I just think it’s a cute shot 🙂