Last night was not unlike any other but this morning I woke up with vivid recollections of the dreams that occupied my mind and I was alarmed. I don’t usually have bad dreams, but for months I have had a series of them despite the fact that I constantly try to summon up happy thoughts before falling asleep at night. Sometimes my dreams are benign and I dream about my parents adopting additional dogs. Many times they are silly like the one I had about Justin Long a few days ago. Despite the fact that I always think about Bryan before I go to bed, he has sadly not yet made an appearance in my evening visions.
But last night I had a dream that I was surrounded by women who had committed suicide in my workplace. It was so vivid, I trembled. So disturbing, I turned away. One hanged herself in the bathroom; the other in my cubicle.
Just yesterday I was telling a friend that the work environment has turned a bit toxic, but good God, it’s not that bad. I am keeping my options open and would like to find something that suits my lifestyle a bit better. I’d love to focus more on my writing and would therefore love to find something part-time on the side even though I worry about how I’ll pay the bills and what I’ll do for health insurance. Part of me is done with the rat race and working in Manhattan in general. This isn’t the first time I’ve said this, but it is the first time I’m actively searching, networking, and floating around my resume.
Because I really want a different course.
And I don’t want to have dreams like that ever again.
Have you ever had a dream/series of dreams this disturbing? Did they eventually stop when you changed something that was bothering you?