The need for approval is something many of us seek out at an early age. In the beginning, we try to find it from parents by acing exams and doing well in sports or extracurricular activities. Over the years, we turn to our friends for guidance when choosing boyfriends and colleges, and in adulthood, we make decisions together with our spouses on buying houses, figuring out finances, and the schools where we should send our children.
Obviously I haven’t made it that far yet. But this weekend I introduced Bryan to my best friend and I realized how much I wanted her approval. She has always been a voice of reason for me and knows me better than anyone else in the world. I really wanted her to like this one. I’ve been with guys over the years that she had reservations about and she would often see things I was too blind to notice. We tend to see the world through rose-colored lenses when we are in the throes of a new romance.
I visited my parents this weekend to meet the new dog in their lives, and Bryan stopped by Saturday night to pick me up for dinner at Veggie Heaven. After dinner, we intended to visit my best friend’s house to attend her small housewarming. She’d heard stories about Bryan for months and was excited to finally meet him.
In a room full of eight lesbians (a tough audience for some of my previous boyfriends), Bryan was a hit. Maybe it was the way he held my hand under the table, or the fact that he helped me navigate around the icy patches in the driveway, or the subtle glances he exchanged with me from across the room, but I relaxed into his presence and realized that, even though I did still want her approval, I had already found my happy place.
As one of my friends was leaving, she gave me a gentle squeeze and whispered in my ear “I like him. And he’s CUTE!”
My friend later text messaged me to tell me her girlfriend picked up on some of the nuances and they both thought he was awesome. The word “happy” appeared three times. She was happy we had stopped by and happy to see me happy.
I was elated.
After the shindig, Bryan dropped me off at my parent’s house and stayed for a while. As we shared a toast with my family, he picked up Pepe, the sweet little schnauzer, and placed him in his lap. Without even trying, he had made another friend.
That was the moment when I realized that I am madly and hopelessly in love with a 32-year-old banjo-playing vegan.
And also this little guy:
Aw. Sounds like your life is full of love, not just with Bryan, but with your friends and family too.
PS Thanks for retweeting me today.
Swooning for you and your happy place! xo
Squee! I am so happy for you sweetie. I am so glad that you found your happy place.
For the record, I was the only one who found Pepe to be the cutest ever but then again I’ve always rooted for the under dog (no pun intended). And though I’m not in this relationship looking for any approbation outside of the way you look at me and that beautiful smile each and every time we meet, I’m glad I was able to meet your “BFF” and receive her consent…. She’s obviously a beautiful free spirit and knows how to pick great friends to surround herself with. I’ll try to not deluge your blog with all my feelings and my quote on quote poetry…. When I’m with you Mooi, I don’t want to say anything because I’m lost in your eyes…. “Du bist mein ein und alles”
Ich Liebe Dich Mehr Char <3
I’m happy for you (and maybe just a wee bit jealous) but mostly just thrilled for you. You deserve this!
I know exactly what you are talking about. I’ve had one of my closest friends not approve…not even give a guy a chance and that was devastating…even though everyone else loved him, her disapproval really stung.
I’m still seeking approval. And puppies. I would take a house full of puppies.
Know what’s better than reading this blog entry?!?! Huh? Do you know?!? READING Bryan’s post about it!!! I do get to meet him when we’re all plunging into the Atlantic Ocean (brrrrrrrrrr), so the first time he gets to meet me is in my bathing suit. . .in February. . .in the ocean. LOL!! Bryan – you can’t post too much on here. You may steal the show:)
I can totally hear what you’re saying here. It’s so important for my friends to be my eyes and for me to trust my heart.! It can be hard… But when it’s right it’s right. So happy that you and b are in love and happy. While you don’t need approval. It sure feels good to get it from those who know and love you. Makes things effortless.
Yay, that is so awesome! I was super nervous meeting Izzy’s best friend but she gave me an A+ and that always makes like SO much better!
I think alot of people worry about what other people think. I’ve tried to adopt this motto for my life and the more I say it the more I can apply it.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Okay, first I just have to say that is the sweetest little face!
Second, friend approval is SO important. I dated this guy a long time ago that everyone seemed to like. We dated for about five months and I really liked him. A lot. And then we broke up and I moved to another state and the first time I came back home to visit, I was met with so many comments from my friends and family about how they were so glad we broke up and that I didn’t end up marrying that loser, etc. I’ve seen too many friends in terrible relationships. If I’m dating someone that everyone hates, I need them to tell me. I take that stuff seriously.
So I’m VERY glad that everyone loved Bryan. He sounds like a really great guy! You hang onto him!
God. What a man you’ve got there. I am sooooooooooooo happy for you. So happy you let go and let it be. Indulge in this amazing emotional ride and may it take you higher and higher. Bryan sounds like a winner…I mean, he comments sweet nothings AND the dog is in love with him??? CO-SIGN!!!
Aw, sweet friend, I loved reading this. It made ME happy. And reading Bryan’s comment? Melt.
So happy for you!
Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Maybe not approval, but it would matter when they felt about her, even though I would do whatever I decide to do.
Bryan plays the banjo????? Oh MAN!!!!!!!! That is the COOLEST THING EVER!!!!
So…. my brother Chris died of a brain tumor when I was in my 20′s…. we released his ashes over a waterfall a few miles from my home at Silver Falls State Park. When my husband and I started dating, he wanted to go to the waterfall with me. While we were there, he said “Chris, I wish I could have met you, but I want you to know that I will never hurt your little sister and I will take good care of her.”
Ummmmmm, SOBBING ensued! He was already accepted and loved by the rest of my family and friends…. but THAT was amazing. And he has lived up to those promises.
I’m so happy for you Charlotte! I love reading how things are progressing for the two of you.
{{{{Charlotte}}}}
First off, I am in love with Pepe! He is SO CUTE!! He looks like he will make a wonderful addition to your family and I’m sure Linus would approve as well. Second, I am so glad Bryan has been a hit with your friends, that’s such an important thing in my opinion. Third, being hopelessly in love with a 32 year old banjo playing vegan fits you perfectly
I’m doing a happy dance that you have found your happy place!
Oh I love coming to visit you and reading the happiness between all of your words. Thrilled for you as always.
I can feel the happy through this entire post.
YAY!!
Awww! I’m so glad your friends like your man. It really is nice when we get their approval isn’t it? I’m so happy you’re happy!!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3.
You know, your comfort and contentment radiates off the page and finds its way directly into my heart. I sincerely light up when I read how good things are going. So glad the friends approve!
Sorry, I'm late on this — back on a traveling schedule but always looking forward catching up with you! xo
You know what??
This all sounds so very good.
I am so very happy …because you are so special to me.
that pup is adorable!! and I’m happy you are happy too
After a few busy weeks, I am finally catching up with the internet!!!!
Oh Charlotte, this is wonderful. 2012 is your year. You are such a versatile, creative, and beautiful woman… I am so happy for you!
XOXO
I have chills. Dogs are THE best litmus test!