I received a comment late Friday night that has been on my mind ever since and I felt the need to get this off my chest. This is directed to the reader who left what I presume to be a fake name and email address on my last post; a post I struggled to create and a post I was, in the end, proud to publish. I had to compose myself before composing what I thought was a very heartfelt response to “Alex” but it soon bounced back. And so, I figured I’d just answer this person here.
What we do (bloggers in general) takes some serious chutzpah. We open our hearts and pour our souls into our blogs. While having this online diary is a completely personal decision, there are certainly days I wonder if I should hit “publish.” How much is too much? How do I share without overstepping boundaries? If I omit details, will readers still come along for the journey? These are all questions I ask myself whenever I sit down to write my posts. I have tried my hardest to accurately depict the events in my life without giving away too much, but I am human and realize some things may not come across as well as I’d like them to because I am trying to protect my identity, my sanity, and the people around me.
Since October 2009, my readers have watched me go through a breakup, settle comfortably into the single life, go on more nightmarish dates than should ever be allowed in a lifetime, pick myself up, struggle with anxiety, dust myself off, and eventually, find love again. My track record would indicate that I am not one to fall for every guy to come along my way. It’s taken me two solid years to trust again, which I think was just the right amount of time to allow someone into my life. Bryan and l are still getting to know each other and we have agreed, since the beginning, to take things slowly. I’m not thinking about the future… I am just loving the present. I am experiencing things I haven’t felt in almost 10 years, and you know what?
I’m not apologizing for any of it. I am deserving of this.
If you know me in real life, Alex, you may know that I happen to be an incredibly happy person, as I think I’ve demonstrated over the course of my blogging career (which means with and mostly WITHOUT a boyfriend). I consider myself to be extremely fortunate in that I am constantly surrounded by love and light. I have a loving family, amazing friends, this wonderful blog community, awesome coworkers, and lately, I’ve added a ridiculously supportive boyfriend to the mix. They ALL contribute to my happiness. I am not ashamed of this.
So I ask you: Why would I want to be happy in SPITE of him? Am I happy in SPITE of my family? My friends? All in my inner circle? NO. I think it’s okay to admit that the people we surround ourselves with play a major role in our overall well-being.
And yes. The anxiety. She is a bitch and I still see her from time to time. My friends/family have heard an earful about her, and now I have found someone else to discuss some of my fears with. It’s nice to have someone so understanding in my corner.
I don’t like to censor comments, though I have received some in the past that hurt something fierce. Yours stung a bit, but I think it’s because there’s a chance we may know each other and you were too cowardly to say these things to me in person. If you are a concerned “friend” you would do the right thing and talk to me. Not leave me judgmental comments without a way to connect with you. And if you’re just passing through? You don’t know me and have zero right to criticize the way I live my life.
And so your comment stays. I have enough chutzpah in me to not allow comments like yours to rain on my parade.
You’re not doing something write until you get the hateful comments.
You know your inner truth. That’s what matters.
Well…maybe you know Alex… but Alex CLEARLY doesn’t know you.
You were happy before Bryan came along. Frustrated with your dating life? Yes. Frustrated by some of the other obstacles? Of course. But anyone who scrolls back to the beginning of your blog (Oh, maybe like BRYAN did? TWICE!) can see that your inner light has been shining from go. Yes, a cloud or two has passed. But you are a human.
You were amazing before Bryan came along. Now he’s here. And he’s just one more person who knows and loves you for the incredible woman that you are. The fearless, honest, brave, determined creature who still gives 1,000% to every single person you love. And that’s why we all love you. ALL OF US.
And you know what? Any one who thinks that love is calculated and planned and something that doesn’t divebomb your face and fill you with glitter and rainbows has never fallen in love.
I somehow missed the last post but am caught up now. I understand the whole being happy alone/loving yourself blah blah blah before you can be happy with someone else. But the point really is for someone to just solidify your happiness. I’m not friends with people who make me unhappy, what’s the point? Same goes for dating. I’m glad you found someone who makes your happiness grow!
I just went back and read the comment in question. Well, I met you before you had Bryan, and you didn’t strike me as someone looking for dependency! In fact I can’t imagine you being dependent on anyone. But I’m still thrilled to bits that you’ve found someone who gives you an *extra* burst of happiness
I have been blogging for about 15 years now. I also find that spam comments are getting nastier too. I received on recently and it led me to a bog on photography. The comment was about me complaining and whining and I re-read my post that it was on and it was post about what I want to do and the new lenses I am looking into getting and I was like wtf?
It is amazing it is hard not to take it personal but it is hard not to. Just remember that they suck and you don’t!
I think Alex was trying to help but (she, I think it’s a she because of how she used her words and she didn’t say things like “Bitch, grow up” like a gay man would.) went about it in the wrong way. I loved this post because you talk about how you share with the world. I always say that you may think that my blog is an open book and that I share everything, but believe me, I don’t! It just seems that way.
And yes, I believe that YOU can live happily without a boyfriend. Good for you. Alex should have directed her comment towards me because I would be totally lost without Fred. I admit it, I am totally dependent on him.
Take care, great post!
Your Friend, m.
As someone who knows you in real-life, I can say without a doubt that you are a happy, amazing person. Everyone goes through a rough time (it’s called life) and we all have different ways of bouncing back. You aren’t feeling better bc you have a boyfriend, you’re feeling better bc you took steps to improve your life, and in the process met someone great and supportive.
Brava to you for speaking your mind. Sometimes I run across things that I can’t relate to online or on a blog and I just go to another page. I’m not sure why people need to leave potentially hurtful comments. Whatever. Good for you.
I for one, thinks it’s pretty ridiculous that “Alex” felt that it was okay to judge you and yet “Alex” is such a coward that he/she can’t even come out from behind his/her anonymous name. Disgusting.
We may not all agree with each other but if you’re going to call someone out, the least you can do is stand strong and say who you are. If you’re going to be an anonymous hater you might as well throw a temper tantrum like a five year old. Anonymous haters are just attention starved children that want to stir the pot.
Anyway, those of us in your circle, your blog family, are thrilled for you. You know I am. It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up the way you do and if someone is making you happy, no matter who it is, then that’s AWESOME. I consider you a friend and I am damn thrilled your happy.
In summary: Alex, you’re a dumbass. Charlotte, you’re a rockstar.
Stepping off my soapbox now =-)
Has it occurred you may have given “Alex” the exact thing that person wants; attention? Some folks sadly are like that.
Of course, Brian. But I had to get some things off my chest, too. It would have bothered me too much if I left this one go unanswered. *HUGS*
You go girl! Good for you for standing up for yourself. You DO deserve it!
You do have chutzpah and that’s a great thing. I’m sorry that someone chose to be less than supportive in this your space. Blogging is incredibly personal and I have trouble understanding people who choose to be negative in their commentary. I have been following for a few mOnths now and I am excited for the new relationship. You are right. There is a reason we seek out love; our lives are increased by those who surround us — friends and family. Stay strong and true to yourself, your voice, and your blog.
-Traci
What did I miss?? Well, I have to echo a commenter above, when you put it out there, people are going to have feedback. There’s no excuse for hurtful comments but sadly the Internet is chock full of cowards that hide behind anonymity. You sensitivity is a beautiful thing and I hope getting out made you feel better. I personally don’t think you need to defend yourself to anyone. Nor do you need to publish comments on your blog that are hurtful. This is YOUR space on the Internet, plain and simple.
I feel sorry for people who don’t have enough going for them in their own lives that they have to try to bring others down.
You have nothing to apologize for. Those of us brave enough to put a real name with our comments think you’re awesome.
I agree with what a lot of people are saying here. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. In all of the years I’ve known you (what is it now? 11 or 12 years? Wow, we’ve known each other a looooong time!!), I have NEVER known you to jump into anything. Or to find your happiness in just one thing or one person. You are an amazing person. You are constantly teaching me that you can have a full life – it’s just out there waiting for you to be the one to grab hold! If anything, your relationship with Bryan has begun the slowest, it is the one you are taking the most time with.
I know you in real life and on here and I can attest to the fact that you are REAL. Because you are such a caring person, you’ve let “Alex” bother you. But “Alex” has fallen victim to what some people are guilty of. Either this person does care and has a crappy way of showing it. Or this person is jealous. Jealous of what you had BEFORE you met Bryan and jealous of what you have now. As someone who has in the past conveyed feelings to a friend that I should have done differently, I do believe that mistakes can be made. Even those of us with the best of intentions fall short of saying it right – in a way that says what we mean but also shows that we care. Now, I am in NO WAY defending “Alex” because this person just wanted to say what he wanted to say and then be done with it. You had no way of getting to say your piece, but GOOD FOR YOU for saying it here!
You are a constant ray of sunshine in my life! I absolutely love you – and “Alex” should maybe take a long hard look at what’s making life so miserable that you need to be SO judgemental. But truly, I don’t care about “Alex” – I care about YOU, my SCHMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Good for you. People can hide behind the internet so well. While, I have never “met” you in person. I can feel it in my bones that you are 100% awesome and then some. Have a good week love!!
ugh. I’ll never understand what motivates people to spread such negativity. It’s such blatant disregard for reality.
I’m just echoing sentiments here but I hope the outpouring of support you receive overwhelms and eradicates the sour taste “alex” left in your mouth. You are loved and the choices that you make are respected. You nailed it on the head when describing blogging; opening our hearts up the way many of us do should be treaded carefully.
sigh. love you though
you know that!
No matter what anyone says anonymously or in person, you should be proud of yourself for sharing your life with complete strangers, even when this sort of thing can happen, anytime. Even better, you’re surrounded by people in real life and virtually who care about you and make you happy. No comment can take that away from you, and I’m glad you’re not letting it.
Add me to your voice of loving supporters. *High five*
I hate mean people!
Sending some more positive energy your way this morning! Hugs.
You. Go. Girl.
Don’t let some ass wad ruin what you have built here.
Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you are or making you censor yourself.
Suck on that Alex
sucks that folks like “Alex” like to play armchair quarterback from the safety of their barcalouger. I’ wonder if he would say the same thing in person. Think not.
I wouldn’t give it a second thought. I am happy to see you happy with Bryan – pffffft on whomever “Alex” is.
oh, and anxiety, I can relate. Don’t think I’ve slept in two weeks now that I’m back in school. Thank you for checking on me
made my day…
Have a great weekend!
hey girl! first off sorry you went through this! hateful comments aren’t fun but like you said we open ourselves up and have to realize sometimes that might bring haters. it is what it is i guess! but hope you aren’t letting it get to under your skin!
ps thanks for stopping by my blog! you are tooo cute!!! xo
Char, did I see this comment?
I get about 2 nasty ones a month.
Some I leave up, some I delete.
They are always anonymous too.
I’ve had people say “this is supposed to be a humor blog but you’re not funny” and “your poor kids have an idiot for a mother” and “you’re a big faker”
Who knows why people are full of venom and hate. I”m so grateful I’m not one of them b/c I take what we are supposed to do on this planet very seriously: uplift and encourage one another. Without that, why even be born????
Ignore the bullshit..because it is bullshit.