the pursuit of happiness ends within

– Posted in: dating, Eat Pray Love journey, letting go

I would just like to extend a very warm thank-you to all for the swift kick in the rear I desperately needed after that last post. Your comments, text messages, emails, and phone calls really warmed my heart. I can’t tell you what it means to know so many of you are in my corner and I am slowly learning to let go and make peace with my past.

I’ve had some time to reflect in the past week and it dawned on me that feeling sorry for myself and feeling good about myself require the same amount of effort so why not focus on the latter instead? I know, I know. Easier said than done. This so-called-life is filled with all kinds of curves and dips, surprises and unusual circumstances. But I need to experience it, embrace it, and love it all over again.

I owe it to myself to be happy. I am deserving of great things. And I just want to feel good again, dammit.

So, how am I doing this exactly?

1) I splurged on a new haircut. If you are friends with me on Facebook, then you may have already seen this photo. And if you have been reading my blog long enough (or are friends with me IRL), you know I have the most unruly head of curls imaginable. But I wanted a change so I went a bit darker, had some split ends removed, and opted for the blowout. If you liked the curls, fret not-they have already returned in full force. Hmph.

2) I treated myself to some goodies from Vikki’s Secret. I also bought myself an adorable frog hat because I have a thing for warm winter wear. And yes-I realize the two couldn’t be further away from one another on the sexy spectrum, but sometimes you just need to celebrate your inner five-year-old and every now and then new bras and things are necessary.

3) Dance parties! And I’m not even talking about going to the clubs (though that’s always fun, too). I’m going to admit to something that may come back to haunt me later but I don’t care. Dancing to Rihanna in the privacy of my bedroom is extremely liberating and a good way to get the heart pumping. Yea. I do this.

4) I made plans. Lots of them. Dinner with a close friend in Jersey last night. Ladies night this evening. Brunch in the morning. I also have some tentative things lined up with friends I haven’t seen in ages who are in town for the holidays. I look forward to treating myself with the finest company imaginable.

5) And last but certainly not least, I met a wonderful guy who is doing much to restore my faith in men and, well, myself. For the first time in God knows how long, I am being courted and it’s a beautiful feeling. I love the way he looks at me when we lie side by side, how he chivalrously carries my things, and tells me he misses me just because. And the tulips he sent to my office this past week didn’t hurt either.

Finding someone I feel emotionally and intellectually connected with doesn’t happen every day (in my case it’s kind of like seeing Halley’s Comet twice in a lifetime), but when it does, it works wonders for the ol’ self esteem. The other day he dropped the “g” word and, though it freaked me out at first, I realized I should probably stop referring to him as “this really awesome guy I’ve kinda’ been seeing sorta’” (with that really annoying vocal inflection on the last note).

I have a boyfriend. It’ll take some time to get used to saying that but I’m warming up to the idea of letting him in. He makes me feel sexier than any haircut, lingerie, or Jagger dance moves ever could.

And that makes me feel happy again.

24 Comments… add one

Nicole November 18, 2011, 9:41 AM

I am trying to figure out how to spell the sound of joy that is spilling out of my heart for you right now. If you could combine the world’s loudest “YAAAAY” with a basket of kittens, and a rainbow, that’s what it would be.

You deserve ALL of this. To feel good, to be good to yourself, to allow someone else to be good to you.

Wear the froggie hat, WITH the new lingerie, and fist-bump in your bedroom, Bunny. Right before your next date with your adorable boyfriend. ;-)

Shell November 18, 2011, 10:20 AM

Sounds like some steps in the right direction!

Lillian November 18, 2011, 10:31 AM

The most important part of all of this is that YOU are embracing life again! :) I love it! I love that you’re happy – it made me sad that you weren’t. Dinner and drinks SOOOOOOOOOON!

Marianne November 18, 2011, 10:36 AM

Hey!!! Congrats, I am so happy that you found someone awesome!!! There is hope for all of us after all! See you at Phish, lady!! Wahooo!

Krysten November 18, 2011, 11:39 AM

Shut up with that hair, you look downright HOT! Your new guy must be unable to keep his hands off you!

I am so so happy for you, you deserve to be happy! And I’m so glad that you found someone that’s helping you to realize that.

Maria November 18, 2011, 12:53 PM

I couldn’t be happier for you, Charlotte!!! Anyone who sends you tulips in the fall is a KEEPER! How incredibly sweet. Embrace, enjoy, and love every moment. You deserve it, girl! Love you.

Emily November 18, 2011, 1:10 PM

And this post makes me feel happy again!!! I’m so glad for you girl.

Bonnie November 18, 2011, 2:58 PM

Your hair looks gorgeous!! The haircut was definitely worth the money.

I always host my own dance parties at my house. Anytime I am home alone or home with just my fiance, I’m dancing. You just can’t stop me from moving!

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Star Traci November 18, 2011, 3:43 PM

Good for you! You deserve goodness in your life. And nothing helps a girl more than a great haircut!

:-)
Traci

Hutch November 18, 2011, 4:45 PM

I absolutely LOVE the new hair! It’s amazing what changing the crap that sits on your head can do to the inside!

Bonda84 November 18, 2011, 4:52 PM

Warm fuzzies! Lots of warm fuzzies! I love the picture, SO sexy lady! The other efforts you are putting forth are wonderful for you as well! And the entire fact that he sent you tulips made my heart melt for you. So happy for you!

Gia November 18, 2011, 4:56 PM

EEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP!!!!!!!!!

You are looking SO cute in that photo and everything else in this post is just the sugar on top. SO MUCH HAPPIEZ!!!! I LOVE IT!

Emily November 18, 2011, 5:59 PM

Good! I’ve been ignoring everything I was supposed to do this morning because I’ve been so caught up in your archives. You’re a great writer, an amazing person, and you really do deserve happiness.

(Oh, and I love the haircut!) (And the dance parties!)

Missy | Literal Mom November 18, 2011, 7:28 PM

We do dance parties in our house all the time. Huge stress reliever. I missed yesterday’s post, but I’m so happy to read today’s and how much the support you received helped you!

Sorta Southern Single Mom November 19, 2011, 6:15 AM

Sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction and I love, Love, LOVE the hair!

Jill November 20, 2011, 2:54 PM

Charlotte, you look STUNNING! I absolutely love this look on you. Sometimes small things, ie a hair cut can make all the difference in the world. Glad to read you’re treating yourself and having a good time. xoxo

Dawnee November 21, 2011, 1:11 AM

Yes, Absolutely STUNNING! And your welcome for the swift kick! :)

Hannah November 21, 2011, 8:47 AM

Beaming happiness right here, just for you. YAY.

Amber November 21, 2011, 1:43 PM

Oh, I’m so glad. You do deserve to be happy. Love is scary and uncontrollable and all sorts of bad things, but it’s also magical. I hope this one sticks.

Pretzel Thief November 21, 2011, 8:58 PM

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hells to the YEAH!

So, soooo happy for you. :-)

Also, you look fabulous and damn pretty!

Karen Peterson November 22, 2011, 3:11 PM

That is so fantastic, Charlotte! I’m really happy for you and wish you all the best!

carma November 24, 2011, 9:23 PM

You look incredibly awesome in that photo. Very “old glamour” – not the words I was looking for but you know what I mean.

trininista November 26, 2011, 6:57 PM

1. Your hair looks A-MAZZZZZZZZZZZING. I love the look. Love love love. And 2. I am so happy for you. You, like anyone else, deserves happiness and a great guy. Drop the “b” word with confidence and in honour of all the ladies (like myself), who still can’t. (hugs)

(FL) Girl with a New Life November 29, 2011, 9:48 AM

aw. I am so happy for you!!!

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