I would just like to extend a very warm thank-you to all for the swift kick in the rear I desperately needed after that last post. Your comments, text messages, emails, and phone calls really warmed my heart. I can’t tell you what it means to know so many of you are in my corner and I am slowly learning to let go and make peace with my past.
I’ve had some time to reflect in the past week and it dawned on me that feeling sorry for myself and feeling good about myself require the same amount of effort so why not focus on the latter instead? I know, I know. Easier said than done. This so-called-life is filled with all kinds of curves and dips, surprises and unusual circumstances. But I need to experience it, embrace it, and love it all over again.
I owe it to myself to be happy. I am deserving of great things. And I just want to feel good again, dammit.
So, how am I doing this exactly?
1) I splurged on a new haircut. If you are friends with me on Facebook, then you may have already seen this photo. And if you have been reading my blog long enough (or are friends with me IRL), you know I have the most unruly head of curls imaginable. But I wanted a change so I went a bit darker, had some split ends removed, and opted for the blowout. If you liked the curls, fret not-they have already returned in full force. Hmph.
2) I treated myself to some goodies from Vikki’s Secret. I also bought myself an adorable frog hat because I have a thing for warm winter wear. And yes-I realize the two couldn’t be further away from one another on the sexy spectrum, but sometimes you just need to celebrate your inner five-year-old and every now and then new bras and things are necessary.
3) Dance parties! And I’m not even talking about going to the clubs (though that’s always fun, too). I’m going to admit to something that may come back to haunt me later but I don’t care. Dancing to Rihanna in the privacy of my bedroom is extremely liberating and a good way to get the heart pumping. Yea. I do this.
4) I made plans. Lots of them. Dinner with a close friend in Jersey last night. Ladies night this evening. Brunch in the morning. I also have some tentative things lined up with friends I haven’t seen in ages who are in town for the holidays. I look forward to treating myself with the finest company imaginable.
5) And last but certainly not least, I met a wonderful guy who is doing much to restore my faith in men and, well, myself. For the first time in God knows how long, I am being courted and it’s a beautiful feeling. I love the way he looks at me when we lie side by side, how he chivalrously carries my things, and tells me he misses me just because. And the tulips he sent to my office this past week didn’t hurt either.
Finding someone I feel emotionally and intellectually connected with doesn’t happen every day (in my case it’s kind of like seeing Halley’s Comet twice in a lifetime), but when it does, it works wonders for the ol’ self esteem. The other day he dropped the “g” word and, though it freaked me out at first, I realized I should probably stop referring to him as “this really awesome guy I’ve kinda’ been seeing sorta’” (with that really annoying vocal inflection on the last note).
I have a boyfriend. It’ll take some time to get used to saying that but I’m warming up to the idea of letting him in. He makes me feel sexier than any haircut, lingerie, or Jagger dance moves ever could.
And that makes me feel happy again.