That being said, I gotta’ hand it to New Yorkers, because I think we are at least a bit more forthcoming about our wants/needs than in other parts of the world, namely Australia, where a roundabout approach seems to be the favored method. And it appears we’re not the only ones mourning the death of the old fashioned phone call. Please welcome the lovely Rihanne as she offers her take on dating down under and be sure to check out Sweety Text Messages to send a loved one an actual romantic message–they do still exist (no sexting, please!).
***
Australians do things a little differently than the rest of the world – for example: supposedly, we all talk like Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) and eat our national emblems (Kangaroo and Emu).
And when it comes to dating? Australians can leave people scratching their heads saying crikey!
Why?
Simple.
It is so…very confusing.
Before the date – Texting versus Calling
With the invention of texting (along with finger cramps) comes vague and lazy ways to ask people out. It seems Australians love texting and chatting before going on the date: only irritating but also more than likely, it can create confusion.
Why?
There is this little thing that makes communication fully functional. It is tone. Sarcasm is just not the same and you often wonder does ‘LOL’ really mean they are “laughing out loud”? What happened to the days when a guy asked for a woman’s number to call her?
Seriously.
A call takes little to no effort. And think of the hours of texting you will save!
Texting example:
“Hey.”
3 minutes later… “Hi. How are you going?”
5 minutes later… “Good. U?”
10 minutes later… “Just woke up.”
1 hour later… “LOL nice.”
Next day… “So what you doing?”
……
Need we say more?
During the date – ‘[Hanging Out]’ versus a ‘Date’
Once the date is secured…hang on, we missed how the date is established. Oh wait, no we did not! Because Australians not only text instead of calling. But instead of dinner and a movie they “hang out”.
What is hanging out?
Well, this is when they bring their friends and you have yours and you grab a beer down at the pub.
Simple?
No.
Not at all.
Does ‘hanging out’ mean you are ‘dating’? Is a drink at the pub with mates even ‘datey’ enough?
And as if the concept of ‘hanging out’ is not confusing enough, Australian dating has reached a new level of ridiculous! To the point where you don’t even know when someone is interested.
Imagine.
A woman going out with a group of friends. They are all laughing, dancing and having fun. One male friend smiles to her, but then again he is smiling at everyone. He does not make any move – no accidental brush of the arm, no holding each other’s gaze – nothing what-so-ever, and the woman does not think much of it.
At the end of the night, after taking off her shoes – sighing with the relief of feet freedom – she gets a text from her male friend:
“I only went out for you.”
What are these Australian guys thinking? How is it possible to get signs when there appears to be none?
And what is with this blurred line of dating, hanging out and hooking up?
After the ‘date’ – Clarity and (you guessed it) Confusion??
Over the next week, it is possible that this ‘dating’ (if you can really call it that) will have you obsessing over your phone.
Tip: hide it so you can try to stop checking it!
What kind of dating system allows this sort of behavior?
That’s right – Australian Dating.
The compulsive need to re-check the phone after you looked at it only 3 minutes before may have to do with the need for clarification.
Let us clarify.
After all the texting before the ‘date’ and the questionable activities on the ‘date’, there is bound to be more confusion after the ‘date’.
Is he just a friend?
Aren’t we just ‘hanging out’?
Does he like me?
Sure, the continued ‘texting tennis’ (bouncing text messages back and forth) is meant to help clarify these questions. But, really all you end up with is more questions!
Do I like him?
I wonder when I will see him again?
But hold on…we are just friends…right?
As summed up in ‘It’s Just a Date’, dating is “too confusing, too casual, too grey and not black and white.”
So, how do we cure this epidemic of lazy Australian dating?
Do Australian men need to start picking up the slack and learn from their American counterparts?
Are Australian women encouraging this behavior by accepting it?
Let us know what you think!
To find out more about dating in Australia and other parts of the world (including New York!), check out 3six5dates. Follow as four women in four cities take on 365 dates between them.
Rhianne Butler is a writer for 3six5dates when she is not busy texting or ‘hanging out’ with Australian guys. You can follow her on Twitter @RhianneButler or on LinkedIn here.
Karen Peterson says
It really doesn’t sound all that different from California…
One Bad Pixie says
Seems Austrailian dating is comparable to wading into the water at the shallow end of the pool. Where American dating can be more like getting shoved into the deep end whether or not you know how to swim. Not really sure at this point- which one is worse!
Pretzel Thief says
Hahahah, loves it!
I, too, am an Aussie…and if I were still single, I would totally be asking guys out because I’d be so sick of the slowly-slowly, “let’s-feel-this-out-at-a-snail’s-pace-and-confuse-the-shizzle-out-of-each-other” approach. Hee!
Sam says
“Are Australian women encouraging this behaviour by accepting it?”
The next major problem with Australian men is that if you make any kind of noise suggestion you aren’t thrilled by their inability to express genuine interest they suddenly decide you’re simply abnormally high maintenance. So the game continues with no one ever being absolutely sure where they stand.
I gave up and moved to Ireland. An “Irish mummy’s boy” who can actually express their adoration of their girlfriends hands down wins over an “Aussie independent Bloke” with emotional retardation!
Jill says
I’m quite relieved there was no texting when I was in the dating market. I can see how that leaves things in a state of flux.
(FL) Girl with a New Life says
Dating is already confusing enough. I don’t doubt that some cultures are easier than others. All things being equal, * I say be high-maintenance.* Maybe the worse that will happen is you find someone willing to be kind and generous.
Ben says
I’m an Aussie 30 year old male but I’ve never dated like this. I tend to go for casual coffee, then perhaps a few casual dinner dates. I’m not that keen to introduce her to my friends unless we are moving in to the next stage. I think that this gets confusing for my friends.
I also don’t like to talk about sport very much at all as its not my interest. I also can’t remember the last time I hanged out in a pub. I’m more of a coffee shop, restaurant or wine bar sort of guy.
One thing about Australians in general is that we are very casual. I adjust my dating according to the type of person I am dating. If I’m with a local women I might be more casual than if I am with a foreign woman, so I try to accommodate.
Totally agree says
I must agree with this post about Australian men and their very confusing behaviours. This is pretty much what I’ve been going through with the last few guys I’ve “dated”… If you can consider it dating. No idea what he’s thinking, no idea what I am to him, no signs of whether he likes me, and it’s getting so frustrating. To the point where I’m just treating it as we’re just friends so I can continue looking for someone who will treat me right. I’m not even asking for fancy gifts. I want someone to tell me I look lovely, that they want to be with me, or a flower plucked from the side of the road. Just tiny gestures. Ugh. I shouldn’t have to TELL men what to do.
This hasn’t happened to men I’ve dated in America. It’s so different here! Come on guys, buck up!
Crazy says
I’m a brazilian girl, and I’m so perplexed and confuse about these guys. Why are they so shy? In Brazil we don’t need to do anything, website for dattings is some thing so weird for us, we have, but is not some thing that everyone like. when we go out is so easy talk and have a datting with some guy. They have the courage for to talk with us and say I like you saty with me this night! And after can do again!! It’s so difficult in Australia, OMG!!!
European Girl says
this is so true.
I’m dating Aussie and like Sam said he has “emotional retardation”
During the date is awesome, but after he doesn’t need any contact for weeks.
When I want to brake up he calls and says how much I mean for him and the everything starts from the beginning. It’s really frustrating.
tom says
Its only the white Australians who are emotionally retarted, some advice (checklist)
has teeth check.. job check… has friends who are not white? Next important thing date people who are australians , but not genetically (missing teeth givaway)
Emily says
If I wouldn’t have gone to Australia and saw this happen firsthand I would have thought that it is incredibly similar to the states. Instead, I can completely relate to the article. I think there is good in both approaches, but at the end of the day at least you know where an American’s head is at. Australians will leave you confused.
MJ says
I met an Australian guy here in America. After texting for weeks we finally went out. He said a few times we should go out again – but has yet to set a date.
I don’t mind suggesting we do something but do Australian men think that is being too aggressive for women to do that?
Russell Folland says
I am an Aussie too and what you have described is not at all true. We are not retarted and emotional, we mentally strong and sensible. We know what to do and when to do. There is always a time for everything and results come with patience.
Ian says
If I’m really into a foreign girl they have known it so this isn’t all Aussie guys. Sounds like you’ve either met what you’ve described as emotionally retarded guys which there’d be plenty of here compared to European and South American or even American men, or they’re, hate to say it, “just not that into you”. Australian men love foreign women, if they’re shy it’s because they are probably transfixed by your beauty and make a big thing in their head about you. If you talk to them they’ll definitely talk to you and it’ll be worth it, you’ll usually find a relaxed guy ready to handle your feminine energy and make your experience of the country a million times better.
PeterJames says
Hey – Aussie girls are just as bad – probably because of that vague habit with wishy washy blokes – but boy do not show one clearly you like her – even after holding eye contact and smiling you’ll be labeled antisocial for giving a compliment and asking a personal question – because you know we can all just drink ourselves to death to get lucky – but could not possibly accept doing such a bad dirty thing half sober (the level of sexual illiteracy being proud catholic heritage – which goes for wisdom down under, still, 15 years+ into the 21st century).
Where are those European girls who can hold a conversation once you tell them they look pretty when you need one?!
Kay Lee says
Great article, I especially loved the bit about texting. I’ve been in the dating industry for over 30 years (yes before computers) and nothing seems to have changed much. Today’s technology does tend to make us lazy though.
Brett says
I’m a 32 year old Australian guy and the reason Australian guys act the way they do is because so many Aussie girls are so rude to us when we try to talk to them…the roll their eyes at you and don’t give you a chance. We aren’t shy but we are tired of being turned down so we don’t make much effort any more. The other thing is we are afraid of commitment because we hear so many horror stories of guys getting divorced and losing everything…so that’s why we prefer to keep it ‘casual’. I don’t even bother with Aussie girls any more as they play games and act rude towards me, unlike many foreign girls who actually let you talk to them
Mark says
Totally agree with Brett. If you want to figure out why guys act a certain way in dating, you need to look at the women. Aussie men have learnt over time not to be direct with women because Aussie women don’t like it. So they have tailored their behavior to be ‘acceptable’ to the Aussie women. Then when American ladies visit from overseas they say “wow Australian men are so shy and confusing”. They are used to getting directly chat up by the American guys who are straight forward and to the point. This has nothing to do with Australian mens confidence though and everything to do with how Aussie women react to approaches. Any Aussie man will tell you, if you cold approach an Aussie women, most of the time you will get a cautious and negative response EVEN WHEN THEY LIKE YOU. If you somehow manage to plow through the resistance and get her number, after a confusing texting exchange she’ll eventually admit to thinking you were cool, but sometimes not even until shes had a few drinks. (Cause they can’t seem to have a real conversation without drinking)
So trust that us Aussie guys wouldn’t mind striking up a conversation with you but that we’ve learnt to be super careful after a few too many “why are you talking to me, can you go away”
If the problem is Aussie men, how come when we go overseas the problem seems to disappear, I can approach women and they will in the very least be polite and friendly. (most of the time, where possible) I adapt very quickly to the new culture and suddenly dating gets a lot easier once you leave Australia, but most of all its about getting away from Australian women.
Juanita Rowell says
“So, how do we cure this epidemic of lazy Australian dating?”
I would like to believe that there’sno such as LAZY dating? I think it all depends on how the two individuals feels for each other. Once they’re clicked in texts, calls, dating in person, I think there will be a spark where in it will end up in a good healthy relationship.
Another way to excite the “getting-to-know” stage is by sexting or sex chatting. We’re adults anyways so it can’t go wrong. And sexting is very interesting topic to talk about.
Eve says
Honestly, I think this is common around the world, when “he’s just not that into you.” Us women have to step up our game and be more radiantly attractive, inside and out, if we are ever going to have any man be interested in us!
bacon says
i completely agree what this article talks about, i have spend two years in Australia and have seen these things often, so it is defiantly true
Saqlain says
Hmm, I really agree with this article. Thanks for this valuable information shared in your article and great job.
Lamia Orpa says
I am an Aussie too and what you have described is not at all true. We are not retarted and emotional, we mentally strong and sensible. We know what to do and when to do. There is always a time for everything and results come with patience.
jerry says
Honestly, I think this is common around the world, when “he’s just not that into you.” Us women have to step up our game and be more radiantly attractive, inside and out, if we are ever going to have any man be interested in us!
momo says
Amazing article.I have been living in 11 countries.From USA to Asia, I have never experienced this level of confusion as much as in Australia. I can ensure that this article is pretty accurate ha ha ha 😀 Cultural differences.The good news is that the Aussie dating scene teaches us to live more in the moment.They are really relax.I am learning to take my time…I am learning a lot as being patient.
SaturdayHumor says
Dating can be quite humorous, honestly. One way or another, as much love and affection you get (and of course, self validation), it’s all about the memes and gags.. lol