A very snowy Halloween weekend

I listened to the pitter patter of raindrops, a welcome relief from the thick wet patches of white flakes that had fallen earlier from the unforgiving wrath of Mother Nature’s unpredictable Autumn course. Halloween weekend in Asbury Park forced us to slightly alter our travel plans, but growing up in the northeast one learns always to expect the unexpected.

Here I was on a Saturday night, dressed up in a tight-fitting black skirt and glitter top, trying not to topple over in my black heels, and smoking a cigarette by the light of the moon. My friend and I had just returned to the hotel after an evening celebrating the engagement of a beautiful ex-coworker of ours. The stillness of the evening encouraged me to be alone with my thoughts (and after a rather harrowing day of commuting to south Jersey it was nice to breathe in the ocean breeze and allow it to tug gently at my locks). I reflected on some events that have occured in my life in the past few weeks. Some highs, a few lows… and I became determined again.

I am always reluctant to blog about the negative thoughts that sometimes swirl around in my head. I feel stuck in my job. I have been battling anxiety since July and haven’t really felt like myself since. I am more than a little frustrated by some of the men I have encountered in recent months. A recent exchange with an ex stirred up angry emotions I didn’t expect to grapple with all over again. And the worst blow of them all: I lost Linus, and I just really miss my companion so very much.

But then things started to come around, piece by piece. A tribute I wrote to Linus for BlogHer was featured on their site and, after submitting another post about what not to say to your single friends, I will be syndicated there tomorrow. Syndication has been a dream of mine since I started writing many moons ago, and in a way, I feel the little beagle that made his way into my heart played a huge role in this opportunity. This morning I was contacted about another exciting venture (details to come soon). A few days ago, I somehow managed to score floor tickets to one of the upcoming Phish shows at MSG (without having to sleep with anyone!). And maybe there’s a certain someone who’s been taking my breath away lately (but I’m not quite ready to share those details just yet).

Oh, and my sexy? It’s slowly returning. I think it fell out of my pocket in August sometime but I’d like to reward myself with a trip to Victoria’s Secret in the near future.

“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”~Gandhi

And so I will allow to come what may, with a silent determination to turn the events in my life around and to find my inner peace once again.

bennington getaway

It may come as a surprise that I have never stepped foot in Vermont. It’s kind of silly, really, since it’s so close to the New York state border, and I went to college in Albany, NY, which is just a hop, skip, and a jump away. And then there’s obviously the whole crunchy granola girl who lives within me and aches to be among her people.

This past Saturday, my friend picked me up and we made our way to Bennington to get away from the bright lights and big city. It was the perfect fall day for a drive and we watched the sunset orange, crisp apple red, and gold leaves sway in the breeze. We got a bit lost on our way to the bed and breakfast and pulled in to a small dirt road. “You here for the puppies?” someone asked. We weren’t but there was no way we could say no. Though I still hurt from losing my faithful companion Linus just a few weeks ago, I found great comfort in holding a sweet, week-old warm puppy to the heart. Sadly we had to leave them all behind and continued our journey.

We stayed at Meadowood Farm, a very affordable and adorable bed and breakfast, and one I would highly recommend to anyone traveling to this particular part of Vermont. Clifford and Donna are gracious hosts and made our stay as enjoyable as possible. They have three dogs of their own and were extremely helpful with restaurant suggestions and things to do around town. Also, that breakfast spread was one of the best I’ve ever had: scones, poached pears, eggs cooked any which way we liked (I had a mushroom and spinach omelette and even got to pick the eggs that morning!), coffee, and fresh orange juice.

In a brief 24-hour stay, Karen and I accomplished quite a bit. We went for a nice walk around a lake, stopped in many local antique stores, and took in the sweet Vermont air, a treat for two girls just out of New York. My favorite part of the trip was when we went horseback riding (a first for us both). I was assigned to Sunshine, a sweet horse with a terrible case of ADD, but I couldn’t help but laugh because it seemed perfect we were paired together. I don’t like to always do as I’m told either. We ended our trip by nearly getting lost in a corn maze (the largest on the east coast and in the shape of the Wizard of Oz!).

And I even found some time to do a bit of this:

All in all, it was a fantastic getaway and one that did wonders for the mind, body, and soul. I can’t wait to return.

I was not compensated for this post and all opinions herein are entirely my own. I just think you should all check out this adorable B&B next time you are in the area!

(guest post) biting into the big apple: part 2

A few months ago I was asked about my observations on dating in New York by the wonderful Shelli Trung, founder of 3six5dates, an online dating reality experiment that follows four women in four major cities as they go on 100 dates a year. Sounds exhausting, yes? Thankfully I had quite a bit of material on my own having spent the past two years trying to figure this mess out myself. I thought of some of the many head-scratching moments I’ve had on dates and decided to ask some of my male readers, friends, and Facebook acquaintances to help me figure out the male psyche that baffles so many of us single women.

I hope this article sheds at least a little bit of clarity from the male perspective, and if not, well, at least I tried.

Click here for my post!

And many thanks to Shelli and Alli for allowing me to be a part of this partnership!

la vie en rose

Thoughts of Paris still swirl around my head though it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve returned and launched myself full force into the chaotic rhythm of life back home. It was hard to say goodbye so soon to such a magical city but I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to see it all again.

I was able to reconnect with old friends while there one evening and enjoyed a delicious dinner my former foreign exchange student prepared with her husband. Despite the fact that it had been 12 years since we had all last seen each other, we picked up right where we had left off… and aren’t those just the best kinds of friendships in life? We listened to French music, smoked cigarettes out of her balcony window, and laughed at old memories and pictures of life back when. Another friend introduced me to her boyfriend who said that if I were to move there, he would set me up with his friend and then proceeded to pull up his Facebook profile so I could see pics (ADORABLE!). So Paris comes complete with a built-in boyfriend. I can live with that.

It was delicious. Everything. I’m already contemplating my next trip.

But for now, I leave you with some of my favorite memories of a trip that left quite an impression. No matter how brief my time there, Paris dazzled and impressed and moved me.

my future home

how i spent my afternoons

Opera by night

with some of my French friends (and yes, I'm in need of a haircut)

the postcard I sent to myself... to remember always.

Insomnia Club: Banana Pancakes and Pretend Like it’s the Weekend

I try not to think about how long it’s been since I’ve been in a steady relationship and the many things I miss about having one. But the one thing I do miss above all else–which also just so happens to be the prompt for this month’s Insomnia Club–is having a built-in snuggle partner. A boyfriend would indulge me in an extra hour of cuddle time, something that doesn’t necessarily appeal to my random hookups unless some hot and heavy sexual activity is on the horizon. It’s maddening but also understandable. I don’t want to snuggle with them either. I want out as soon as the deed is done and don’t find anything consoling about having a guy trace the shape of my hips or wrapping a finger in my ringlets after we’ve established that we aren’t looking to make our mark on this world together.

But with a boyfriend, it’s different.

You can play hooky and get to know each other a bit better in an entirely different way. Rainy day suitors don’t need to stick around for banana pancakes and coffee; but a boyfriend greets the day with you and looks forward to quality time doing the sort of mundane activities that bring you closer together.

Recently I started to crush on a guy I met in town and invited him over once I began to feel more comfortable in his presence. I convinced myself he liked me after a few flirtatious texts and subtle innuendos. You could cut the sexual tension with a butter knife that evening and still I convinced myself that he was nervous because I was nervous. You know, because he didn’t only want to get into my pants. That was before he interrupted our makeout session with the following words: “You know, I don’t think it would be so weird if we slept together.”

We did not sleep together.

And then there’s Scott, a guy I’ve known forever, who insisted we meet up at the new beer garden in Hoboken and proceeded to kiss me the entire walk back to my apartment. I know nothing will ever come from this relationship either, but I crave the familiarity I feel when I’m around him. Sure enough, once we made it inside my apartment, clothes came off and before I knew it, I stared vacantly at the ceiling and wished it weren’t so fucking hard to find something more gratifying than just this.

It goes on like this. And I find myself increasingly discouraged because I want more but with someone who wants more, too.

In my waking daydreams, I’ve fantasized about all sorts of scenarios. Elevator trysts. Steamy encounters in back alleys and sneaking up on someone in the shower. But I’m tired of wanting to feel sexy all the time. Sometimes I just want a guy who doesn’t shudder at the sight of my pajama pants and oversized tshirt. I want to have a horizontal staring contest with someone and catch up on the events of the world. I want to nestle comfortably in the crook of an arm and feel small next to a man’s powerful frame.

And I want to make that man banana pancakes and invite him into my life, slowly… piece by piece, one bite at a time.

Please show your love to some other wonderful Insomnia Club members! (Notice how their writing topics do not coincide with mine. I kind of messed up the prompt this week. WHOOOPS!):

Women Are From Mars

Met Another Frog

Ms. Man-Shopper-in-Boozetown

Finding Love: Nev’s Happily Ever After

What many don’t know is that I have a fast-growing bloggy bucket list of some fabulous women I’d love to meet at some point in my life. Though Nev of Pretzel Thief lives in Australia and I don’t currently have the funds to afford such a vacation, I imagine it’s only a matter of time until I pack my bags and grab my newly renewed passport to head down under. Nev is the kind of chick I’d soon become good friends with. We’d stay up late to giggle and gossip late into the morning’s wee hours. In the meantime, however, I eagerly anticipate each heartfelt email I receive from her as though it were coming from a long-lost friend. She has a quirky sense of humor and a beautiful free spirit, and if that’s not enough of an incentive to make you visit her blog, she was also 1 of 5 finalists in a national short story competition in Australia. Please show some love to her as she shares her beautiful romantic tale and then go check out her awesome blog here!

(If you would like to be featured in the “Finding Love” series, please email me at charlotte@mypixieblog.com. I look forward to hearing from you!)

***

[DISCLAIMER: (1) Being that I’m in the great land of Oz, our spelling is à la British English; and (2) I don’t use my husband's real name on my blog so the faux name, “Yogi” – hee! – is what I refer to him as.  Try not to laugh too hard when you come across passages along the lines of “fell in love with Yogi”. I’m still chortling, though.]

“Huh. I’m married,” I think. “Holy snakes on a plane, I’m married. ME!”

There are days when I still have these amusing “realisations”. At 26, I sometimes still feel like a kid. All the same, getting married was a natural progression and something I dove into elatedly, even though I hadn’t been in any sort of a hurry to do so.

But let’s start from the start, though, mmmkay?

The “how I met my now-husband” part is not exactly conventional but also not unheard of: Yogi is my brother’s best friend. SCHYEAH. I met Yogi mid-2000 after he and my bro had met at work and become fast friends. He exuded a quiet confidence, but was also talkative, warm and awesome. I thought he was handsome and cute, and BOY was he tall…!  (He’s 6ft3!)

I developed a major crush on Yogi, which involved but was not limited to listening to indie rock music in his presence so as to impress the bejesus out of him. Snerk. My crush eventually waned; I mean, I was only sixteen! (Yogi at the time was 21, so no way was anything gonna happen, DUH.) Fast forward almost five years later…Yogi and I ended up spending quite a lot of time together, by default, as we’d hang out with my brother and his then girlfriend. I relished getting to hang with him big-time. There was chemistry between us, as there always had been in the past. I didn’t think much of it, though. (A-hoy-hoy, denial!)

One day, after a day of by-default hanging out, I fell into a slump. My mother pondered me quizzically and said, “What’s wrong, kiddo?”
“Nothing, ma, I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You were rapt all day and now you’re all…well, THIS.”
“It’s nothing; I don’t know,” I muttered.
“C’mon, tell me.”
And on and on this dance went, until mama asked me point-blank, “You haven’t fallen in love with Yogi, have you?”

I burst into laughter. I laughed so hard and hyena-like that mama followed suit, so absurd a sight I was. As I cackled, the laughs suddenly turned into, you guessed it, tears. (Pah!) And with this out-of-nowhere hysterical crying, I looked at mama and nodded.

Yes, I had fallen in love with Yogi, as a matter of fact, and I had only just realised it. Right then, right at that moment. Mama was naturally thrilled. I, on the other hand, wanted to crawl into that good ol’ proverbial hole. In love with my brother’s best friend? What was wrong with me? THERE ARE RULES. (Ah, those unwritten “Thou shalt not covet thine brother’s best friend” rules.)
 

My brother accidentally found out (through his girlfriend, in whom I had confided) and, unbeknownst to me, TOLD YOGI[!!], said he thought we’d make a fantastic couple and basically gave him his blessing if he decided he wanted to pursue something. Yogi did. Haha! (Fear not, they’re still best friends!) When we finally got together, it was…SQUEE! First kiss? Phenomenal. Every weekend was spent together. We started cohabitating a year into our relationship.
 
Yogi proposed to me August 2, 2009 in Novi Sad, Serbia. (We’re both Serbian, but born and grew up in Croatia. I immigrated to Oz mid-’94, Yogi mid-’97.) We were at the awe-inspiring 17th century Petrovaradin Fortress, having coffee and big-ass pretzels for brekky (yeah, baby!).  After walking around the fortress – and Yogi taking photos (he’s an accomplished photographer) – I sat on a bench overlooking the Danube and Yogi cracked a joke as he snapped away in my direction.  I doubled over laughing and he walked over, then kneeled before me.  I didn’t think anything of it until Yogi looked up at me with a certain look (the look) and started saying all these wonderful things, and the whole time I’m thinking, “Wait, what the— no!  He’s not actually going to…”

Oh, but he did.

He took a beautiful ring out of his pocket and I burst into tears and, er, OBVIOUSLY said yes immediately. When we got married on November 20 last year, it was an amazing, unforgettable day. We were both relaxed and euphoric and rejoiced in every awesome moment!

I am beyond blessed to have Yogi and what we’ve built.  We make each other laugh, we goof around; we talk about anything and everything. Like any couple, we argue and quibble but make up quickly most of the time! We were both forced to grow up before our time, having gone through the civil war(s) that followed Yugoslavia’s disintegration. We’ve both consequently faced tragedy: him by being forced to escape his place of birth with his family or face death; me by losing my beloved father who was one of the far too many civilian casualties of that godforsaken war. This has definitely made us cognisant of the brevity of life and not to take it for granted. Yogi is my soulmate and best friend. He is one of the kindest, most noble, wise and amazing people that has graced my life. (He’s also got a killer sense of humour. Trust.) Yogi makes me want to be the best person possible for both him and myself. And after 5ish years of being together, he still surprises me anew and inspires me in infinite ways.

Australians and dating down under

As we all know (and as I’ve often vented about here) dating in New York is not easy. Anyone who tells you otherwise simply hasn’t sat across the very awesome suitors I’ve had the pleasure to break bread and drink with over the past few months (including one who decided that dinner is the perfect place to discuss morning wood. Seriously?! WHERE DO I FIND THEM!?).

That being said, I gotta’ hand it to New Yorkers, because I think we are at least a bit more forthcoming about our wants/needs than in other parts of the world, namely Australia, where a roundabout approach seems to be the favored method. And it appears we’re not the only ones mourning the death of the old fashioned phone call. Please welcome the lovely Rihanne of 3six5dates.com, a very awesome reality dating blog, to take over and offer her take on dating down under.

***

Australians’ do things a little differently than the rest of the world – for example: supposedly, we all talk like Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) and eat our national emblems (Kangaroo and Emu).

And when it comes to dating? Australians can leave people scratching their heads saying crikey!

Why?
Simple.
It is so…very confusing.

Before the date – Texting versus Calling

With the invention of texting (along with finger cramps) comes vague and lazy ways to ask people out. It seems Australians love texting and chatting before going on the date: only irritating but also more than likely, it can create confusion.

Why?

There is this little thing that makes communication fully functional. It is tone. Sarcasm is just not the same and you often wonder does ‘LOL’ really mean they are “laughing out loud”? What happened to the days when a guy asked for a woman’s number to call her?

Seriously.

A call takes little to no effort. And think of the hours of texting you will save!

Texting example:
“Hey.”
3 minutes later… “Hi. How are you going?”
5 minutes later… “Good. U?”
10 minutes later… “Just woke up.”
1 hour later… “LOL nice.”
Next day… “So what you doing?”

……

Need we say more?

During the date – ‘[Hanging Out]’ versus a ‘Date’

Once the date is secured…hang on, we missed how the date is established. Oh wait, no we did not! Because Australians not only text instead of calling. But instead of dinner and a movie they “hang out”.

What is hanging out?

Well, this is when they bring their friends and you have yours and you grab a beer down at the pub.

Simple?
No.
Not at all.

Does ‘hanging out’ mean you are ‘dating’? Is a drink at the pub with mates even ‘datey’ enough?

And as if the concept of ‘hanging out’ is not confusing enough, Australian dating has reached a new level of ridiculous! To the point where you don’t even know when someone is interested.

Imagine.

A woman going out with a group of friends. They are all laughing, dancing and having fun. One male friend smiles to her, but then again he is smiling at everyone. He does not make any move – no accidental brush of the arm, no holding each other’s gaze – nothing what-so-ever, and the woman does not think much of it.

At the end of the night, after taking off her shoes – sighing with the relief of feet freedom – she gets a text from her male friend:

“I only went out for you.”

What are these Australian guys thinking? How is it possible to get signs when there appears to be none?

And what is with this blurred line of dating, hanging out and hooking up?

Please somebody help!

After the ‘date’ – Clarity and (you guessed it) Confusion??

Over the next week, it is possible that this ‘dating’ (if you can really call it that) will have you obsessing over your phone.

Tip: hide it so you can try to stop checking it!

What kind of dating system allows this sort of behaviour?

That’s right – Australian Dating.

The compulsive need to re-check the phone after you looked at it only 3 minutes before may have to do with the need for clarification.

Let us clarify.

After all the texting before the ‘date’ and the questionable activities on the ‘date’, there is bound to be more confusion after the ‘date’.

Is he just a friend?

Aren’t we just ‘hanging out’?

Does he like me?

Sure, the continued ‘texting tennis’ (bouncing text messages back and forth) is meant to help clarify these questions. But, really all you end up with is more questions!

Do I like him?

I wonder when I will see him again?

But hold on…we are just friends…right?

As summed up in ‘It’s Just a Date’, dating is “too confusing, too casual, too grey and not black and white.”

So, how do we cure this epidemic of lazy Australian dating?

Do Australian men need to start picking up the slack and learn from their American counterparts?

Are Australian women encouraging this behaviour by accepting it?

Let us know what you think!

To find out more about dating in Australia and other parts of the world (including New York!), check out 3six5dates. Follow as four women in four cities take on 365 dates between them.

Rhianne Butler is a writer for 3six5dates when she is not busy texting or ‘hanging out’ with Australian guys. You can follow her on Twitter @RhianneButler or on LinkedIn here.

saying goodbye to my furry companion

“I would look at a dog and when our eyes met, I realized that the dog and all creatures are my family. They’re like you and me.”~Ziggy Marley

I had intended to write another post about my adventures in Paris–which is still forthcoming–but today I wanted to write a tribute to a very dear friend of mine who passed away much too young. The best friend a gal could ask for: my beloved beagle Linus.

Linus entered my life in October 2001, just months after I had graduated college when I was living with my parents since I was broke and unemployed. It was a time when I desperately wanted something to care for and to love unconditionally. What I didn’t know then–as I had never had a pet growing up–were the many lessons Linus would teach me along the way; lessons I will carry with me always and lessons I will never be able to thank him for personally.

My heart has been filled with so much sadness since I received the phone call Friday morning from a tearful mother who also wasn’t ready to part with her furry companion. When I moved out of my parent’s house in the fall of 2002, we had several debates about Linus’s future. Selfishly, I wanted to take him with me, knowing that I would never be able to afford him the luxury of mid-afternoon walks or backyards for bird chasing. In the end, I let my parents gain custody and I was granted visitation rights which I took full advantage of since my new coordinates weren’t too far from their house.

Linus and I would visit friends together (though car rides were never his favorite), go to the park to chat with local dog owners (with a punim like that, he was hard to resist), and we would spend lazy Sundays in the backyard soaking up the warm rays and watching the squirrels dance. He was not much of a lap dog but would happily sit on your head if you happened to be laying on the couch in the family room. I would confide in him when no one was looking and I am convinced he understood me completely. One night after a fight with a boyfriend, I sat on the sofa and cried ugly tears. Out of nowhere, Linus approached me, gently laid a paw on my arm, and looked me in the eyes. I scooped him up into my arms and he comforted me. He was so good at knowing just the right things to do without having to cut the air with empty words.

I loved the way he would eagerly anticipate my arrival and run laps in the living room while I put my bags down. He would chase circles around my feet, wag his tail, and bring me a bone or the closest chewed-up toy. A few weeks ago when I was visiting my family for the weekend, Linus and I danced a waltz in the kitchen while my mother prepared dinner. I’m not so sure that he cared for it too much, but he indulged me anyway. He was always good like that.

Though he wasn’t the smartest, most obedient dog in the world, everyone took to him. In his younger years, he would chew through seed packets, furniture, and my grandmother’s state-of-the-art, cutting-edge hearing aid. But she couldn’t resist his charm either and told my grandpa she had lost it.

Just before I left for Paris, his Lyme disease flared up again (he had been diagnosed with it years ago). This time, the meds didn’t help and he suffered terribly in his final days. I am eternally grateful to him that he waited for me to see him one last time before taking his last breath.

Over the weekend, my brother and I paid a visit to my parents so we could all say our final goodbyes. On a beautiful Saturday morning, we dug him a grave, filled it with his favorite toys, and laid him to rest on the Ikea owl pillow he loved. We took turns filling it in with brown earth and leaves. Not a dry eye in the backyard that day.

Goodbye, my sweet Liney. Thank you for ten beautiful and very special years. You will be missed.

(My heartfelt thanks to Joseph Costa of La Moda Studio for photos 4-6.)

Finding Love: Jaclyn’s Happily Ever After

I was extremely excited when I was contacted by Jaclyn about this week’s “Happily Ever After” post. Her story captures the beautiful and awkward moments of first encounters. Jaclyn is delightful, sweet, and UBER talented (seriously, go check out her adorable Etsy shop–holidays are just around the corner!). Let’s all please give her a warm welcome! You can also find her on Facebook here.

(If you would like to be featured in the “Finding Love” series, please email me at charlotte@mypixieblog.com. I look forward to hearing from you!)

***

Well, hello there, happy My Pixie Blog readers! Jaclyn from Snap, Crackle, Pop here. This is my first guest post! I saw Jayme’s Happily Ever After  post and asked Charlotte if I could play, too.

At my blog, I post about lots of things–my Etsy shop, my brother (who has autism), slice-o’-life style goodies and, often, my beau. While I have more than my share of bosom pals, most of them live in, oh, any state other than my own, so my fun is often had with the beau, aka Jeff. I have not, however, ever shared the story of how I met him. I find it kind of adorable.

A friend and coworker invited me to her birthday party two years ago. I was excited to go, but the closer the date came, I realized: I would not know many people there. Maybe I wouldn’t go.

A few hours before the party, I decided: I’d go, but I’d only stay for a little bit. I should be social, even though going to parties where you only know a handful of people can be awkward.

I got there just about on time. I hugged the birthday girl, looked around and thought, “Aw, shit.” There weren’t many people there, yet: There was that cute guy from downstairs talking to some bald dude. There were a few folks I’d never seen before in my life. Oh! Finally! A friendly face!

Pam and I promptly plopped ourselves down by the (spiked) punch.

“Do NOT let me drink more of that,” I told her. “I will crawl up under the table and go to sleep.”

“You should crawl up on his lap and go to sleep,” she said, pointing to the bald guy.

“I should?” I asked. “Who’s that?”

“That’s Jeff. He’s awesome. You need to meet him.”

A few minutes later, Jeff came up to say hello, and we were introduced. We shook hands, and I noticed the bald guy had a pretty smile.

After a few minutes–or maybe it was longer, as the party had gotten considerably more crowded–a group of us went into the basement. There was my friend Steve playing the maracas. His wife, Bonnie, had a clarinette. Someone had some bongos. The Birthday Girl handed me an accordion.

And we all started to play. No one had a clue what anyone was doing, and it sounded a little like Satan, but hilarious.

In the midst of the cacophony, I heard it: music. Like, real music. Someone knew what he was doing? I looked in the rocking chair to my right, and there was the baldie with the pretty smile, strumming a guitar. He was by no means an expert, but in that group, he was clearly the only one who’d ever so much as held their instrument before in the past. (Ever try to play the accordion?? It’s flippin’ HARD. Also, this pic reminded me that at some point, I passed off the accordion for a ukelele. That’s a normal sentence, right?)

I forgot to mention one detail: Most people playing these instruments? They were wearing either a hat or a wig. Or both. (My birthday girl friend? She’s awesome. She has wigs and hats and instruments just hangin’ out in the basement, ready to provide the greatest ice breakers known to man.)

Jeff and I chatted throughout the “concert,” and eventually, there were only six of us: me and Jeff, birthday girl and her husband, and Pam and her husband.

Birthday Girl and Pam had been eyeing us all evening, very happy to see us chatting almost exclusively. But they decided it was time to kick it up a notch.

“We need to dance!” Birthday Girl exclaimed, and she put on one of her (so old school, I’d never even heard of it) records, and the slow dancing part of the evening began. During this portion, Jeff had on a looooong red wig. He looked a little like Dave Mustaine from Megadeath. I had on a short, curly, old lady wig and a pink pill box hat.

Feeling a level of embarrassed and giddy I hadn’t felt since junior high, I grabbed Pam’s husband for the first dance. After about 30 seconds, Birthday Girl yelled, “SWITCH!” and I found myself dancing with her husband. Thirty seconds later: “SWITCH.”

Oh, hello there sexy bald man in the Ariel wig who is making my palms sweat like a mofo.

“I’m sorry you have to dance with an old lady,” I said, referencing the fact that I was definitely not looking my best.

“You’re a sexy old lady!” he shouted over the music from the 1960s.

“You’re drunk!” I declared.

“No, I’m not!”

(He was.)

Around 3 a.m., I figured it was time to go home. Birthday Girl told me she had put my coat upstairs, and as I went to get it, I heard, “Jeff, you need to take her to her car! I live in the white ghetto!” (She doesn’t.)

As he walked me down the street to my car, Birthday Girl and Pam stood on the porch for a smoke. As we walked, I linked my arm through his, and I told him, “I’m very aware that we have an audience.”

“It was really fun getting to know you,” he told me at my car. “Is it OK if I call you?”

“It is,” I told him. “Give me your phone, and I’ll put my number in it.”

“I left it in the car,” he told me.

“OK,” I said. “Give me your phone number, and I’ll call it.”

So I dialed, and he watched me with a smirk as I left the following message: “Hello, Jeff! This is Jaclyn. You met me at the birthday party, and we had an awesome time. You should call me, and we should hang out, ‘cause that’d be fun.”

“That was a good message,” he said when I hung up, and he gave me a smooch.

I froze. Abso-frackin-lutely froze, as if it were my first kiss or something. My brain turned to mush, and I no longer had control of my body or my mouth. I pulled away really awkwardly and stiffly, all robot-style.

To this day, he swears he didn’t notice.

an american in paris

Walking through the streets of Paris is like dancing through a dream. You want to touch everything but are afraid that if you do, you risk staining a mirage. Streetlights serenade. Cobblestone streets charm. Sidewalk artists seduce. And the cafés exude a romantic quality all their own.

It had been more than 10 years since my last visit, and yet none of that magic was lost on me. If anything, I had gained an even greater appreciation for all that Paris has to offer, and I wanted to experience it the way I had finally learned how. By reveling in the opportunity to get lost, breathing in new sights and familiar neighborhoods, and allowing myself hours to drink coffee, people watch, and listen to the sounds of local street musicians.

My joie de vivre returned in those three days.

The first night I arrived I was happy to wander around aimlessly in the streets of the 18th arrondissement and managed somehow to stumble upon a beautiful vantage point of Sacre Coeur basilica, my happy place. There have been countless times in my life when I would close my eyes and find myself here–usually while frustrated or sad or angry–and here it was sprawled out before me.

I hate to say this, because it sounds so trite, but I actually became emotional. I didn’t care that I had arrived without a suitcase and was wearing a slip I had purchased in a lingerie shop because it was the only store I could find open (true story), or that work and life stress had been eating away at me for the past few weeks. I was in Paris and life was sweet again.

I wrote postcards to friends back home and even one to myself. I wanted to remember what it felt like to feel so alive again.

As much as I love life in New York, it is a city that often takes a toll on me. I needed Paris to comfort and soothe me.

This is the city, after all, where my parents met and fell in love. And it was easy to understand why.