June 28, 2011

surrender to the flow

I’m trying to put the events of the last few weeks out of my head. The summer is finally upon us and I have much more important things to do than to sit around feeling sorry for myself because some guy I went out with a few times did a complete 180. Plenty of fish, there’s a reason for everything, and love will find me when I least expect it. Despite the fact that I want to vomit profusely whenever I hear these expressions, they must be somewhat true since I hear them with such frequency.

But I still had a hard time writing a post for this week. I haven’t yet heard from the trainer and I can’t seem to shake Caleb. Not gonna’ lie: I’m bummed. I have a hard time meeting someone I feel a connection with and I tend to get excited when it does happen. And though I wasn’t really expecting a phone call from the trainer, I’m a little sick of guys asking for numbers without the intention of using them. Why bother?

On Friday night I met up with some friends after work for some cocktails at the Breslin (my new favorite spot, even though it desperately needs a happy hour) to celebrate a recent engagement. On Father’s Day, one of my friends went up in a helicopter with her boyfriend and he got down on one knee as they flew over Central Park. I don’t think it gets much more romantic than that. That evening, I took a train out to Long Island to attend my college friend’s fiancé’s bachelorette party. We took a party bus to some wine tastings, had a delicious lunch while we listened to some local live music, and hung out by the beautiful hotel pool. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Saturday night a few of us sat around the pool dishing on love and relationships and three of the four married girls confessed to meeting their husbands online. JDate. Match. Eharmony. It was oddly reassuring to hear some success stories but it made me wonder if I’m in the right headspace right now to attract a man. I work, blog, network, socialize, party, go Phishing, take yoga, and can’t remember the last time I came home to lounge on the couch for an evening. Where would I fit a boyfriend in?

I’ve also been increasingly paranoid that I’m not putting my best foot forward on dates. This blog has opened so many doors to me in the past year, but I’m not comfortable discussing this new passion of mine so early on and I wonder what kind of impression I’m making. If there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s for this blog to interfere with my love life.

One of my friends (shout-out to the lovely Nicole) told me that maybe it’s time I step back, breathe, and reevaluate. And I think she might be right. A weekend of Phish is just ahead and I need to stop worrying and just let my hair down for a bit. I’m going to do some soul-searching and will hopefully catch you when I’m in a better frame of mind.

Wishing you all the best for a happy and healthy July 4th weekend. Namaste.

Posted at: 5:51 pm by |Filed Under: dancin' fool | dating | 32 Comments
June 22, 2011

date #2 with caleb

Despite my best efforts to stay cool and keep calm, I completely freaked after my date Monday night.

And not in a good way.

Again I was a ball of nerves all day. Again the plan was to meet at 7pm. Though the location had changed, the drinks remained the same and I was very much looking forward to reconnecting with Caleb, especially after what I thought was a very awesome first date. But still I didn’t want to get too excited; the second date can be a deal breaker.

I ventured over to the new beer and wine garden on 30th Street (part of the expanded Highline) and waited patiently. I wore my green dress with pink polka dots that day since I had received a few compliments on it recently and it hugged in all the right places.

Caleb was just as adorable as I had remembered. He leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek and we made our way to claim our drink tickets. He grew impatient and wondered why the other line was moving faster. He seemed preoccupied and told me about some of his work/life stresses. I thought a few beers might help lighten the mood.

And it did… mostly.

He asked me about my July 4th plans. I told him I was going to see Phish at Watkin’s Glen and he did a slight eye roll. I let it slide. Maybe he had something in his eye? Twenty minutes later, he asked me the same question. Is it possible he forgot what I was doing or was his mind elsewhere? Was he hinting that he wanted to make plans to get together with me that weekend?

He filled me in on some family drama and I played therapist. It’s a role I’m used to filling, but I had mixed feelings being that I was just getting to know him. Maybe he’s just nervous, I told myself.

We discussed art and the various museums the city has to offer. He told me he likes to take his time with each painting so he usually goes alone. I casually offered to go with him the next time and he didn’t take the bait.

Maybe he’s married.

He abruptly told me he had to get going to pack for two separate trips. I was disappointed because I was under the impression we’d have dinner and the night was still young. I told him I could walk him partially and take the Path train that was a bit further but he grumbled something about picking up takeout and I took that as my cue to leave. He said he would call me after July 4th.

In two weeks.

He’s just not that into me.

I felt the tears well up as I unlocked the door to my apartment later that evening. I was upset. It wasn’t about Caleb because I don’t know him well enough. I was tired of dating and putting myself out there only to meet one weirdo and shady guy after another.

The next morning, all my coworkers looked at me with excited anticipation. I shook my head, gave a brief overview of the events, and they exchanged sympathetic glances. They even made me a card with a sweet poem of the various losers I had dated to cheer me up (bless their hearts).

As I walked along 6th Ave last night on my way back from a happy hour, a tall, smiling stranger called out to me. It took me a moment, but then I remembered the trainer who seems to catch me every time I leave my Bikram class. FINALLY I looked like a normal human being, my hair was behaving, and I was even wearing a short skirt. Plus I had just kicked back a few cocktails and was feeling a bit flirtatious. I kissed him on the cheek as though I had known him for ages.

“I knew I’d recognize you without your yoga gear,” he smiled.

And then he took my phone number.

Take that, OkCupid.

Posted at: 1:46 pm by |Filed Under: dating | 33 Comments
June 16, 2011

date with caleb

Monday evening I paced around the office, popping altoids, reapplying my lip balm, and moisturizing my hands, as I waited until the clock struck 6:30, the time I decided I would venture over to the tapas bar my OkCupid date had selected. El Quinto Pino received mixed reviews on Yelp but most people raved about the romantic, dim (read: flattering) lighting and intimate atmosphere. I wasn’t too worried about the place itself; I just needed to calm my nerves. Stat. If I show up with a fro, I thought, it would all be downhill from there.

I had first received a message from Caleb as I was leaving the Phish show in PNC and immediately read it to my friends on the ride home. His profile revealed that he’s an animal/environmental activist (and even sponsors dogs at a local no-kill animal shelter) with a healthy, fun outlook on life. Very gainfully employed and happy with his job. Not a Phish phan but he did appear to really love music, so I thought we might have other musical tastes in common. I said a little prayer that at 39 he was finished playing games and was a bit more mature than some of the other men I’d been meeting lately.

I arrived about 10 minutes early and immediately found him seated at a corner of the bar. His face lit up with recognition when he saw me, we hugged, and settled into small talk. My first impression of him was a good one. Though he’s a bit shorter than the guys I’m used to dating (5’6), he is infinitely cuter in person than in the three pictures he had posted. He has a sincere, easy-going way about him. He is sweet. Interesting and appeared interested. Likes to travel. He had sustained an ACL injury some time ago and told me he put pants on just for our date. Which made me laugh, because I wanted to know what else he had considering wearing for the evening (jammies?).

Despite the fact that I suffered from a total blonde moment while choosing a beverage to order, he didn’t run out of the bar screaming (I took this as a good sign).

You ever get so nervous on a first date that you find yourself involved in the most random conversations? That happened at the second bar we went to when I realized we were talking about mattresses. But I like minutia and found it was easy–and even fun–to talk to him. Slowly I began to relax. He seemed disappointed when I told him I wouldn’t stick around for dinner, but I had a ton of work I needed to complete and I’m not a fan of eating on a first date. I know. I’m weird.

My favorite part of the night was when he said the following: “A lot of guys on OkCupid are just on there to get laid, but I’m not. But if you WANTED to have sex, I guess I wouldn’t say no…” He flashed a beautiful smile and his delivery was so charming, smooth, and funny, that he won me over.

I don’t want to jinx anything, because we all know this dating stuff is a crapshoot but I’m cautiously optimistic. And I’m really looking forward to date #2 which we have scheduled for next Monday. Is it sad that I can’t remember the last time I had a second date with someone I am interested in?

I keep telling myself not to get too excited, but I can’t help it. It’s nice to go out with a normal guy for a change.

Posted at: 7:10 pm by |Filed Under: dating | 22 Comments
June 14, 2011

#InsomniaClub: why it might be nice to have a penis

Just my style to leave it all to the last minute. Which is why I went into near panic mode Sunday evening after I was finally able to stretch my legs following a Megabus ride from hell (now I know NOT to take the very last seat on the bus, even if it does bring me home an hour earlier). Strapped without a topic, I found myself leaving a very frantic email for Jack in his inbox (somewhere along the lines of “HELP ME!!!!!!”). I was having some serious agita about this writing assignment. Just between you and me: I feel like I’m in the lunchroom with the cool kids and my mom packed a radish and cheese sandwich. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyhoo, the assignment for the Insomnia Club this month was also entirely different from the others I had seen and I was nervous I wouldn’t have anything to write about. June is LGBT pride month and the focus this time around was gender bending. I really wanted to get it right, but I struggled with this topic. A lot.

But then I thought back on all the times I have asked myself how my life would be different if I had a penis and I realized I had something to write about after all.

It’s true. Every now and then I have penis envy. Having a penis means I will likely pay less for the same products a female purchases (deodorant, shampoo, creams, etc.) and my salary will be higher. I’m not required to attend bridal/baby showers (I say this as someone who has played one too many bridal bingo games than is ever necessary in a lifetime). I can get away with wearing a hooded sweatshirt and sandals on a first date. I don’t have as much surface area to shave. I don’t have to wear a thong or high heels and I’ll never bleed for long periods of time and crave ice cream at 2 in the morning and weep at the sight of a DeBeers commercial (none of these things have ever happened to me). I have a HANGING APPENDAGE BETWEEN MY LEGS (I dunno, I think that might be cool). But most importantly, I can pee anywhere (which in and of itself would be a lifesaver, especially after the countless times I’ve had to use a port-a-potty at various shows/festies in the past few weeks).

And then I think back on all the feminist lit classes I took in college, all my proud lesbian friends, and the many Lilith Fairs I have attended, the joys of motherhood (or what I’m told of it anyway), and I’m happy I’ll never feel shrinkage, a need to buy a fast car, or date a girl half my age. I’m quite happy where I am.

Sometimes it takes thinking outside the box to realize we don’t have it so bad after all. And yes, I just really wanted to use the word “box” in this post somehow.

(This post was brought to you by a moderate amount of sarcasm and a healthy dose of gender stereotypes.)

Please show some love to the other Insomnia Club members:

Girls Like it Too by Jess Downey
What it Feels Like for a Girl by Totally Tyler
For The Love of Boobs & Lesbians by Met Another Frog
Taboo by Women Are From Mars
Sick of the Misogyny by Feisty Woman
The Insomnia Club Strikes Again by Simone Grant
Gender Bender: My Day as a Woman by F*cking in Brooklyn

Posted at: 9:05 pm by |Filed Under: dating | 17 Comments
June 12, 2011

winner announced! first giveaway, first vlog

Hey, guys! So uhm, those of you who know me personally know that I’m super soft spoken. This is about as loud as it gets, ya’ll. Anyhoo, I’m pleased to announce the winner of this beautiful butterfly necklace designed by Ally of 400 Wake-Ups. You can check out her awesome jewelry line, Daisy and Elm, here. Seriously, I have received a TON of compliments on some stuff she designed for me this week, so I hope the special winner enjoys this butterfly necklace:

And now, my alien face. And low audio. Sorry, I tried to project. I really, really did. AND I totally said “without further ado.” Twice.

Congrats, Tina of (Florida) Girl with a New Life! Expect an email from my shortly :) Thanks to all who participated! Also, new post to come shortly. Still recovering from two nights of Phish this weekend and I have a date tomorrow so I’ll have some stories for you soon. *HUGS* to you all, my sweet ones.

Posted at: 10:15 pm by |Filed Under: giveaway | 18 Comments
June 8, 2011

[sponsored post] what inspires me?

I was contacted this week to participate in a campaign that truly speaks to my heart and there was no way that I could turn it down. AOL is teaming up with several single lady bloggers to find out what inspires them and how they embrace their freedom and achievements along this road called life. Since this blog is a chronology of my journey and the many adventures I have enjoyed along the way, I thought I might be a well-suited candidate for this particular write-up.

Jeep Legendary Life

In the past two years, I have completely transformed every aspect of my life. Bad eating habits went out the window and I took up yoga and meditation. Time spent feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t yet married with children I replaced with happy memories of the many friends (and lovers without strings) in my life. I started saying yes to experiences that took me outside of my comfort zone. I saw Phish 18 times last year and danced along to countless other bands around the country. I rediscovered my love of writing and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

But I also acknowledge the journey to get here and I’m constantly motivated by the strong women behind the scenes in my life—the ones who took me out for cocktails and therapy sessions when I needed them most and reminded me that I was too young to give up on love. I’m inspired by the soundtrack of my life and the music that keeps me moving for hours at a time. I’m inspired by the road trips with good friends by my side and the exciting, new experiences just out of reach and beyond the bend. I’m inspired by the hopeless romantic who dwells within me, reminding me that there is a great love out there to one day share this all with.

To all the beautiful, fabulous, single women out there: I’d like to encourage you all to head over here and design your own “Inspiration Board.” Show us what moves you and you will be eligible to win a $50 gift card from AOL (prizes awarded weekly)! All users are also entered for a Grand Prize: a $4,500 gift card. I’m sure we can all think of ways to spend that money this summer, right?

Here are some pics of the wonderful friends who are a constant source of inspiration to me and some of the memories that light up my life:

This post was sponsored by AOL.

Posted at: 9:12 am by |Filed Under: dancin' fool | dating | the bachelorette lifestyle | 10 Comments
June 6, 2011

My Pixie Blog turns 100 and my very first giveaway!

Last Monday, after cleaning off all traces of mud on my legs and picking out the leaves and god knows what else from my locks, I had the pleasure of meeting two very special bloggy friends of mine for some drinks at the Campbell Apartment in Grand Central Terminal.

This was my third time meeting the very awesome Shana of Fumbling Towards Normalcy, a fellow Sarah McLachlan fan who details her humorous and often head-scratching experiences working in the greatest city in the world, and it was my first encounter with Allyson of 400 Wake-Ups, a wonderfully sweet Southern Belle who takes readers on a journey of her life as an army wife. Our time together was far too brief but it was lovely to meet outside of blog land and connect in real life. There is photographic evidence of that evening but I’ll have to wait until Ally gets back to post. I’m pretty sure I had crazy eyes again. Why am I incapable of taking a normal photograph? I think from now on I’ll keep the shades on everywhere I go.

This marks my 100th post, which is an accomplishment I’m insanely proud of. I don’t think I’ve ever been as excited about a raise, promotion, or any other professional achievement as I am about this… and it’s because this blog has really put me in touch with my love of writing all over again. As a special thank you to all my loyal readers, I am hosting my very first giveaway courtesy of Ally who has her own jewelry design business called Daisy and Elm. She has graciously donated a beautiful necklace to one very lucky reader.

But first, let’s take a look at some of the jewelry items she has recently hand crafted (these pieces are now a part of my collection and I can’t wait to take them along with me this summer).

Aren’t they purrrrrty?

And here is the necklace up for grabs. When Ally showed it to me, she told me she wanted to design something that screams girl power. And I think this necklace does just that:

Rules: I’ll try and keep these simple because I am too much of a spazz to register extra votes for Twitter/FB followers, etc. You MUST be a Google Friend Connect follower and reside in the US/Canada in order to be eligible to win. Each comment left on this post will count as one entry. All entries must be received by 10pm on Sunday, June 12th and winners will be announced on Monday, June 13th. Simple enough, right? I’m even considering creating my very first vlog where I choose the name out of a hat to announce the winner, but because I’m not exactly “tech savvy,” I can’t make any promises. There will be not be a random generator though. Folded up pieces of paper and a hat, ya’ll, ’cause that’s how I roll.

Good luck!

Posted at: 8:11 am by |Filed Under: giveaway | , 24 Comments
June 3, 2011

my phishcation recap

I returned from my Memorial Day phishcation on Monday and have had my head in the clouds ever since. I partied nonstop for four days straight, slept in dirt, and boogied my ass off for hours on end, so I think I get a pass to walk around like a zombie.

Phish kicked off their summer tour in Bethel, New York, a beautiful venue with a very laidback vibe (also the home of the legendary Woodstock festival). Our campsite was roughly 30 minutes away, in Equinunk, Pennsylvania, and was occupied entirely by Phishheads. I felt like I was in summer camp all over again, especially while eating in the mess hall, riding the yellow school buses to and from the shows each night, and stumbling through the woods to find the bathroom cabins. Live bands played throughout the day and into the wee hours of the morning. It was money well spent.

The three nights in Bethel went by much too quickly. I didn’t want it to end and so after a brief discussion with my friend, we decided not to sell my tickets for the Tuesday night show at PNC and we made our way through the Garden State for yet another evening of twirling and dancing.

Oh, but you didn’t come to hear about Phish, did you? Okay, fine. Here are some awkward moments in lot dating:

One of the first encounters I had with a cute Phishy boy happened while on a bus to the Saturday night show. He took the seat next to me and we engaged in a very lighthearted, fun conversation. We discussed various books we’d read, shows we’d seen, upcoming shows we were excited about, and even touched on some big picture philosophical items. We made each other laugh and he told me he thought I was a cool chick. And then he dropped the “g” bomb about seven times. “My girlfriend isn’t going to the show tonight.” “My girlfriend likes that book, too.” And my personal favorite: “You should totally meet my girlfriend; you guys would really hit it off!”

One evening I left the couple I was staying in a tent with to go listen to some live music. I looked around and strategically placed myself in front of a group of four male friends. I’ve learned that this hardly matters, because while I have little game, the dudes who come to these shows have even less. I have to hand it to the shady guy with stringy hair who approached me to ask if I wanted to borrow his coat. It was a sweet gesture, even though he was high as a kite.

On another shuttle, I sat down in an empty two-seater and waited for the bus to fill. Two guys take the seats behind my friends and then the tall guy with the sweet face gets up and switches to sit next to me. Then he moves back to where he was originally sitting. I don’t know what that was all about but it was awkward. Then I saw stringy-haired guy from the night before and I tried to avoid eye contact… but it was too late. He parked his ass right next to me. I turned to face him and noticed he was sweating profusely.

“GREAT SHOW!!!” he says, giving me the weather forecast.

“Yea, tota…”

“Turn this up! This is Mariah Carey!”

“Uhm, I think it’s Crystal Waters or something,” I smiled turning my face to the window. I started texting my friend (“HELP!!!”) across the aisle once he began growling.

[“I’m still standing” by Elton John starts to play in the background.]

“DANIEL!”

“No, it’s… forget it…”

That’s pretty much how the entire trip went.

I got off the bus and made my way over to my friends to tell them about weirdo dankster.

“Those buses are not very comfortable for a tall guy like me,” said a soft voice to my right. I glanced over, finally making eye contact with the beautiful stranger who had quickly jumped into my seat earlier and got swept away in his big brown eyes. “You’re telling me!” I laugh, clearly alluding to other reasons it wasn’t a comfortable ride. We slowly made our way back to the campsite, chatting about this and that. I reached my hand out to introduce myself. GOD! I have to do EVERYTHING around here!

“Nick,” he smiled back. “And this is Henry.”

I got the feeling Nick is insanely shy and everyone knows that when you put two shy people together, nothing happens. So he awkwardly slipped away while I slammed palm to forehead.

***

Last night I was having a smoke outside of the Breslin on 29th Street when a handsome gentleman holding a drum and in need of a cigarette approached me. I offered him one, we began to chat, and then he said this:

“Ever hear of Phish?”

Turns out, he went to all three nights at Bethel and was excited for the upcoming Camden show. He introduced himself, apologized for having to run, and told me he’d look for me. Awesome. I’m sure we’ll totally bump into each other in a crowd of 25,000.

Posted at: 10:30 am by |Filed Under: dancin' fool | dating | 15 Comments